Well Met(58)

“Me?”

“Yeah, you. You know what I did? I wised up and went home. I leaned on family. I was there with you for a long time, remember?”

“Kind of?” I fiddled with my mostly dry hair, searching my memory for the time she came back home in the early days of her divorce, baby Caitlin in tow. I’d come home from school and there they were in the kitchen with Mom. I’d helped Dad get my old crib down from the attic and set it up in the guest room. I couldn’t remember exactly how long they’d lived with us. “It felt like a while.”

“A year, almost.”

“A year? Was it really that long?” While in some ways it seemed like they’d stayed for ages, it felt like a blip in time in my memory. Even when we’d lived under the same roof, April and I hadn’t talked much, not the way sisters were supposed to. But I’d been busy being a kid, with lots of extracurriculars after school, and April had been a new mother trying to get back on her feet. We’d both been busy with our own stuff.

“I didn’t want to be there that long, but you know Mom. She insisted. Helped me get enrolled in those accounting classes, made you babysit Caitlin while I was in class or at home studying.”

“Is that what I was doing?” I remembered pretending Caitlin was my baby sister. I’d been so sad when they’d left again. At the time I hadn’t paid attention to what April had been up to. I didn’t remember college textbooks, or her studying. She was just . . . there. Funny how age gives you a change in perspective. I slumped a little in my seat with a mock pout. “Probably should have gotten paid if I was babysitting.”

April cracked a smile. “Talk to Mom about that. See if you can get back pay.” My smile in response matched hers; Mom was a skinflint through and through. Good luck getting cash out of her. “My point,” she continued, “is those months living at home helped me get back on my feet. Get an accounting degree, a good job, and eventually this house in this town. But it didn’t happen all at once. Starting over, especially that young and with a baby, was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I felt so alone. Probably like you did when Jake left.”

I nodded. “We had plans. Everything was figured out and then he . . .” My throat closed. I needed to talk about this, but I didn’t want to talk about this. It was hard to admit out loud how worthless someone made you feel. I glanced down at the fortune in my hand again. Ask the right question. The right question. A stone settled in my chest when I realized I hadn’t done that yet. I was asking her about herself, when I wanted to ask about me.

“How do I know if I’m worth it?” I barely got the words out before my throat clogged with tears. That visceral response told me that yes, this was the right question.

“Worth what?” But April’s face softened, and she reached across the table to lay a hand over mine. “Oh, you dummy. Of course you are.”

I shook my head, unable to speak as the hurt came flooding back. The feeling of being abandoned after everything I’d done for my ex. Everything I’d given up. Of my best not being good enough. Jake’s face blurred in my memory, his hair suddenly dark, his eyes hazel and smudged with kohl. He looked like Simon now in my mind—another man who didn’t think I was good enough.

“I know it’s hard.” April’s eyes were patient. Kind. Something in her expression filled me with love, and a sense of belonging. “So do what I did. Lean on family. On Caitlin and me. Let us love you, and remind you that you’re worth it until you figure out what you’re going to do next.”

I looked down at our joined hands and blinked back the tears pooling in my eyes. I wasn’t used to showing emotion in front of my sister, and I certainly wasn’t used to the kind of conversation we were having.

“What I’m going to do next,” I repeated, still looking at our hands.

“Weren’t we talking about you going back to school? Finishing your degree? Let’s look into that more. Mom and Dad helped me get back on my feet when I needed it. I bet they’ll help you too.”

“Yeah. I could do that.” I tried to work some enthusiasm into the idea, but it wasn’t coming. That English degree wasn’t as shiny and exciting as it had been a few weeks ago. “But . . . what if I don’t do that?” I looked up at my sister again.

She frowned. “You don’t want to go back to school? But I thought . . .”

“I did too. I mean, that’s been my plan for . . . well, forever. But I don’t know if I need it. What if what I want to do next is what I’m already doing? This town, you and Cait, Faire, the bookstore . . . I like it here.” I hadn’t thought about it in those terms before, but without my actively seeking it out or realizing it, Willow Creek had started to feel like a place where I could make a home.

April’s frown smoothed into a smile. “Well, that’s great too.” She squeezed my hand one more time before she let go and sat back in her chair. “I mean, the last few months have been . . . well, okay, they’ve sucked. But having you here has been . . .” She blinked hard, and I willed her to not cry. I was barely holding it together as it was. “It’s been nice having a little sister around.”

“I know what you mean. Why haven’t we done this sooner?” I gestured between the two of us. “Why did it take you getting in that accident and me getting dumped to bring us together? We wasted so much time, not being close.”