We Are the Light(74)

I want to thank you, Karl, for being here with me just when I needed you most. I don’t think I could have done any of this without you.

I remember this one session early on in my analysis when you looked in my eyes and told me you loved me. I didn’t believe you. I had too many broken places inside to accept that gift.

I’m able to accept it today.

So thank you.

And I love you too.

Jill’s beginning to stir. I’ve just kissed the part at the top of her head. It still smells like honeysuckle.

Okay, now I have to go say goodbye—once and for all—to winged Darcy.

I didn’t expect this to hurt so much, but Darcy was irreplaceable.

So were you.

Your most loyal analysand,

Lucas





Acknowledgments


This book was written at the tail end of a tremendously dark period of my life, one that at times, quite frankly, felt like the end of Matthew Quick. Writing fiction has always helped me manage my depression and anxiety. For this reason, the addition of severe writer’s block—which humbled and humiliated me for the better part of three years—was a particularly difficult cross to bear.

A precious few men lightened my load: my optimistic lunch partner and trusted confidant, Matt Huband; my movie club cofounder, Kent Green; my swimming and kubb buddy, Adam Morgan; my loyal brother, Micah Quick—long live the Saturday-morning phone call; and fellow writer Nickolas Butler, who encouraged me to write another epistolary novel.

RIP to my email pen pal of two decades, Scott Humfeld. I miss you, old friend.

For three excruciatingly long years, my two ace agents, Doug Stewart and Rich Green, astounded me with a relentless patience and what often felt more like friendship than business. You are both appreciated.

Additional thanks to Kat Morgan, for making me laugh and answering my questions; the aforementioned Kent Green, for the monster movie recommendations and talks; my nieces and nephews—Isla, Oliver, Brexley, and Archer—for making it easy to love; OBX Realty Group, for “Representing Buyers & Sellers Since 2003 From Corolla to Hatteras”—“you can check [them] out on the web”; Mom and Dad, for giving me life; Barb and Peague, for making Alicia; Megan Shirk, for her fight; Dr. Dixie Keyes, for her light; Roland Merullo, for his grace; Evan Roskos, for his endurance; David Thwaites, for his tenacity; Henning Fog, for his kind support over many years; Liz Jensen, for her forgiveness; Cecelia Florence, for Sundays at Celie’s; Scott Snow, for introducing me to Brevard and Pisgah National Forest; Woo Casa Kitchen in Nags Head—especially Katie and Brooke—for excellent food and steady kindness; Erik Smith; Wally Wilhoit; Scott “Mr. Canada” Caldwell; Bill Rhoda; Justin Cronin; and Paul King.

Special thanks to This Jungian Life, featuring the generous, psyche-nurturing wisdom and compassion of three Jungian analysts: Deborah C. Stewart, Lisa Marchiano, and Joseph R. Lee. During my dark night of the soul, this podcast was a trusted weekly balm and greatly informed/influenced the writing of this book.

Immense thanks to every single bookseller, librarian, internet book person, teacher, student, fan-mail writer, reviewer, and/or Matthew Quick enthusiast who has ever said or written a kind word about my work.

Magical thanks to HeroKing (aka Zac Little) of Etsy for handcrafting me a powerful writing talisman in exchange for a relatively trifling sum of money.

When I was creatively blocked, magical thinking convinced me that to get unblocked I had to work Gordon Lightfoot’s beautiful song “If You Could Read My Mind” into the opening chapter of this novel. Magical thinking was dead wrong about that. As you know by now, the song doesn’t make a single appearance. But as I slowly worked up the courage to take another serious fiction-writing leap of faith, I listened to “If You Could Read My Mind” over and over again for many months—maybe thousands of times on repeat. I started writing the opening lines of this book when I finally turned Mr. Lightfoot off, but I wanted to acknowledge the spirit of the song and its influence on my subconscious.

Gigantic thanks to my editor Jofie Ferrari-Adler, whose insightful, no-nonsense approach elevated the text in many ways. His infectious enthusiasm also pushed me to really polish and tell the best story I possibly could. Thanks, Jofie, for getting and championing WATL.

A single person can write a novel, but it takes an entire team to publish one. Thanks to everyone at Avid Reader Press. You are all very much appreciated.

Thanks also to the hardworking professionals at Sterling Lord Literistic.

No Matthew Quick book would exist without the writer Alicia Bessette, my wife of more than a quarter century. Alicia’s empathy, patience, listening skills, professional sentence-level editing, life-affirming morning hugs, and quiet—yet powerful—wisdom made this book (and me) better in every way imaginable. She also introduced me to This Jungian Life and was the first to suggest that I write another epistolary novel.

I’ve done a colossal amount of Jungian-related reading, all of which greatly informed what you just finished. I’d like to acknowledge a few Jungian and Jungian-adjacent authors I found particularly influential: Robert Bly; Paul Foster Case; Tom Hirons, who wrote the poem “Sometimes a Wild God”; Robert A. Johnson; Donald Kalsched; Eugene Monick; Sylvia Brinton Perera; and, of course, Carl Jung himself. The Jungian acknowledged earlier on this novel’s dedication page recommended almost all of the aforementioned writers—and many more—to me. That same Jungian massively informed/influenced the writing of this novel.