Unplugged (Blue Phoenix, #3)(14)

“Ella, the shops aren’t open yet,” her mum says firmly.

“Yeah, Santa’s still in bed like sensible people,” I mutter.

“Sorry, Liam,” says Cerys. “Do you want me to get you a coffee?”

I huff. “No, can you keep her quiet? I’m going back to bed. I didn’t sleep well.”

Cerys can hardly meet my eyes, which annoys me. After yesterday’s kiss, she avoided being alone with me all evening; and every time I was near, she spent a lot of time studying her fingers or shoes. That coupled with frequent Honey texts arriving in the early hours of this morning have added up to a shit start to the day.

Does Honey have a sixth sense and know I kissed another woman? If I speak to Honey, all the crap caused by her screwing around with another guy will flood back in again. We’re over. I don’t want to be with someone who’ll break my heart.

Now my fragile ego has been dented by an old family friend kissing then rejecting me, but her situation is as complicated, and we’re both living in a place that doesn’t belong to either of us. Weird situation all round.

Cerys busies herself making coffee despite the fact I said no and her hand trembles as she pulls a mug from the cupboard. We need to talk about this. I look between Cerys and her pouting daughter. Maybe not now. Without another word, I climb back upstairs to bed.

When I reappear a few hours later, a blue mug filled with cold coffee is pointedly set in the middle of the kitchen table. Ella and Cerys are still here, wrapping Christmas gifts in the lounge although Ella is more interested in the already wrapped ones under the tree. Cerys kneels on the floor, eyes bright as she happily gift-wraps her pile of presents in paper covered with Santas and reindeer. I watch for a few moments, unsure what the f-uck to do about the situation.

“Is Santa still waiting?” I ask.

Cerys frowns at me as Ella jumps up and starts dancing round the room again. “Thanks, Liam. The bus doesn’t leave for another hour!”

“Are you going out for long?” I ask.

“A few hours.”

“I’ll drop you into town.” If she’s in the car with me, we’ll have to talk but Cerys takes an opposite view.

“Wanting to get rid of us?” asks Cerys.

Her expression is loaded. I never noticed how pale she looks, her face lined by tiredness, and guilt over my anger with her seeps in.

“No, but if you’re not talking to me, it doesn’t matter, does it?”

Cerys gathers up the paper and sticky tape. “We should talk but later.” She indicates Ella. “It’s awkward enough me being here without...”

I wait for her words, to see how she describes this. “Without?”

She takes a short breath before turning her face to me. “Without kissing the engaged rock star who’s looking for a bit of fun.”

Her words stun. “What?”

“I’m not naive, Liam.” She walks past with the wrapping paper. “Thank you for your offer to take us into town, I’ll get my coat.”

This woman’s strength comes from the ability to shut down her emotions; my weakness is that I never can.

****

“Does that kid fall asleep every time she goes out in the car?” I mutter as we arrive into the town.

“I’ll wake her up, and then you can drop us at the top of the street.”

Not wanting to miss my planned opportunity to talk, I pull up at the edge of the car park, beneath the stark winter branches of the beech trees. Cerys makes to get out of the car but I place a hand on her arm to stop her.

“Let’s deal with this. We have to stay in the same house for Christmas and I’m uncomfortable enough without you getting shitty with me because I kissed you.”

Cerys looks sharply over her shoulder at Ella. “Liam! I’ve asked you not to swear when Ella’s around.”

“She’s asleep.” I push on. “Look, sorry if kissing me was a mistake but it happened.”

“Liam, this is wrong. We’re wrong. You’re engaged to someone else.”

“No, I’m not. The engagement’s off.”

Cerys’s mouth parts in surprise. “Oh. Okay. Louise never said.”

“Lou doesn’t know. Honey had an affair. I broke off the engagement and came back here.” The words are stiff, she’s the first person I’ve told.

Cerys’s eyes soften, searching mine as if looking for a hurt she can acknowledge. “I’m sorry, Liam. That’s horrible.” She pauses. “No wonder you’re looking for something to take your mind off her.”

“I’m not, don’t put yourself down like that! I’m attracted to you; I kissed you. You think this is about what else I want? Well, I sure as hell wasn’t intending on dragging you to bed and using you. If you knew anything about me, you’d know I don’t do that!”

Cerys studies her hands. “Okay, sorry. Let’s forget about it.”

“If that’s what you want,” I say, irritation still tingeing my words.

“I get you’re hurting. I’m hurting too. We won’t find a solution to that with each other, will we?”

Cerys shifts in her seat to face me and in the small space of the car, her perfume triggers the memory of her lips on mine yesterday. The soft lips I stare at and no longer hear any more of what she’s saying.