Unplugged (Blue Phoenix, #3)(12)

The microwave beeps but I ignore my meal. “Are you sure there’s nothing I can do?”

She sniffs. “Christmas miracle?” she says then laughs softly before carefully wiping her face with a tissue. “Actually, can you run me into town. I can get the bus though, it’s no problem.”

For the first time since I came into the kitchen, she looks at me. Behind her smile is the lost look of someone who doesn’t know where to turn or what to do. Would other people cope the way Cerys does? I had no idea the situation was so bad, the depth of their problems hidden from me by Cerys’s determination that life goes on for her daughter.

My plan to avoid her today has flipped. Anything I can do to help her, I will. “Of course, I was going out anyway. Christmas shopping.”

I grimace and Cerys smiles, but not with her eyes.

****

How the hell I expected to find Christmas gifts in town, I have no idea. After a failed attempt at Christmas shopping, I hang around for Cerys despite her protests she can take the bus and I shouldn’t wait.

The journey home is silent apart from Ella singing something about snowmen. One line. Repeatedly. Thank f-uck the journey is short. Maybe taxi service is something I’ll cross off my list of ‘things I can do to help’.

We arrive outside Mum and Dad’s and I park in the driveway.

“Thank you, Liam,” says Cerys, unbuckling her seatbelt.

“All good.” I want to ask if she got sorted whatever she went into town for, but I’m unsure about overstepping boundaries.

Cerys climbs out and walks to the back of the car. I look over my shoulder at Ella, who dozes in her car seat, sipper cup of juice in hand and mouth open.

“Do you want me to carry Ella in?” I ask Cerys as she leans into the car.

“I can manage.”

I climb out and stride around to Cerys. “Don’t get pissed off with me, I’m not suggesting you’re incapable; but do you want me to carry Ella into the house?”

Cerys pauses. “As long as you don’t drop her.”

I’m on the verge of retorting when I spot a small tug of a smile on Cerys’s face. I shake my head and she steps to one side.

Extricating the girl from her car seat is harder than I imagine and once I do, I’m unsure how to hold her. “Shit, kids are heavy when they’re asleep.”

“Liam!” Cerys slaps me on the arm and I pull an apologetic face.

Laying Ella’s dribbling face on my shoulder, we head into the house. The heat hits as hard as the cold did when we came out of the shops. I call ‘hello’. Nobody’s home. Shaking some hair from my face, I carry Ella upstairs.

Stepping into my old bedroom is strange, especially as all available space is covered in Cerys and Ella’s stuff. A suitcase lies open in one corner of my room, kid’s clothes flowing out and onto the floor. Cerys crosses toward the window and pulls the curtains closed. I flop Ella onto the bed, probably not as gently as I should. The little girl mumbles and tugs the blanket over her head.

“Okay?” I ask unsure if there’s something else I need to do.

Cerys hovers in the doorway with Ella’s juice cup in her hands with a look in her eyes I recognise. Funny, I’m used to knowing when chicks want me; but it’s a long time since the strange tension from my teenage years hung in the air, where there’s a doubt over whether either person wants to or should do anything. This hangs heavily in the room now and I’m not comfortable.

“Umm. Liam.” Cerys extends a hand and touches my hair. “Did you know you have a plait in your hair?”

“What? Shit!” I put my hand up too, brushing Cerys’s fingers. A static buzz passes and I fight taking hold of her fingers and kissing them. She drops her hand.

“Have I been walking around with that in my hair all day?” I ask, pulling the monstrosity apart with my fingers.

Cerys giggles. “Yes. I thought it was a ‘thing’.”

“A thing?”

“Yeah, rock star style.”

I let go of my hair. “I’m not Jack Sparrow. I’m a rock star, not a pirate.”

“Ella would prefer you if you were a pirate.”

“How about you? Would you prefer it, if I was a pirate or a rock star?”

She moistens her lips and the intensity grows in the space between. “I’d prefer it if you were Liam, my best friend’s grungy big brother with a big heart.”

“I am Liam, the grungy big brother. I’m unsure on the big heart bit.”

“You are, Liam. Not many guys would be so nice to us. I didn’t expect you to put up with Ella when I saw you’d come home.”

I glance at the sleeping child. “You know men don’t grow up, right? I think we understand each other.”

Cerys laughs. “Oh, you grew up all right.”

f-uck, so did you. We’re close, if I move any nearer, the spark inside that urges me to touch her will arc between us and then... I don’t know. I’m confused. She’s hurt, I’m hurt, and whatever’s happening here would make everything worse. An intense battle rages inside not to take Cerys and kiss away the pain she’s hiding.

I don’t want to walk out of this room and away from this moment in case we’re never in the situation again. Common sense fails; I reach out and touch her cheek. “You’re an amazing mum and I’m sure you’re an amazing person, too. You shouldn’t be treated like this. I want to help you.”