Unforgettable (Cloverleigh Farms #5)(26)

It struck me what he’d said a moment ago. “You told Sadie you were seeing me tonight?”

“Actually . . .” He paused. “I told her everything.”

“What do you mean, everything?”

“I told her. What happened with us. I’m sorry if I betrayed your confidence.”

“It’s okay. I trust Sadie.” But I couldn’t believe it—he’d told her about the baby? “What did she say?”

“She was pretty shocked. And she was mad at me.”

“Why?”

He didn’t answer right away. Then he said, “April, I need to ask you a question.”

“Okay.”

He looked over at me. “Did I abandon you?”

“Of course not.”

“Because if I did, I’m sorry.”

“Tyler. Listen to me.” I leaned toward him and spoke quietly, putting my hand on his arm. “What happened was a careless mistake, and God knows I’ve struggled with the fallout, but that’s on me—not you, okay? I think we handled it the best way we could.”

He ran a hand over his jaw. “I thought so too, at the time. But now . . .” His hand fell into his lap. “My sister made me wonder if I’d been totally selfish. When she first said it, I shot the idea down, but it’s been in the back of my head all day.”

Sighing, I took my hand off him and stared straight ahead. “I don’t know, Tyler. I think everyone is selfish at eighteen.”

“You weren’t.”

I almost laughed. “Do you know how often I’ve questioned that? How many nights I lay awake wondering if giving away that baby was the ultimate selfish decision?”

“April, it wasn’t.” His voice was firm. “You did the most selfless thing I can think of, and you did it alone.”

“I wasn’t alone.”

“But I wasn’t there for you like I could have been. Like I should have been. All I cared about was baseball. And I can see how, in my sister’s eyes, it doesn’t seem fair that I walked away so easily. Especially since she’s pregnant now.”

“That’s a really different situation—Sadie and Josh are grown adults who belong together. They have a home together. They’re in love. You and I were two hormonal kids who got carried away in the back of your truck.”

“Yeah.”

“Hey. Look at me.”

He angled his head in my direction.

“I was not a victim, Tyler. I could have said no to sex in the first place. I could have asked you to put on a condom. It was fast, yes, but it wasn’t so fast that I couldn’t have stopped it. You would have stopped if I’d asked, right?”

“Yes. I would have.”

“And I knew it. The truth is, I didn’t want you to stop.” I wasn’t sure whether it was the bourbon or the dark interior of the car or the years of keeping that night a secret that was loosening my tongue, but it was a relief to say the words out loud. “It felt so good to be wanted that way—by you. You’d never looked at me like that before. Deep down, I had always wanted you to, but I was too scared to admit it. And you were leaving the next day, so it felt like my last chance . . . I wanted that chance, so I took it.”

“That’s how I felt too. I’d wanted you for a long time, but I’d told myself again and again to keep my hands off you. Then that night, I just lost my grip on control. And I’m not sorry it happened—I’m only sorry about the consequences. But if I could go back, I’d have called and made sure you were okay.” He reached over and took my hand. “I’m sorry I didn’t.”

We were quiet for a moment, studying our fingers laced together.

“Think of it this way,” I said quietly. “We made another family really, really happy.”

He nodded slowly. “Can I ask you something?”

“Of course.”

“Was it a boy or a girl?”

I swallowed, fighting the little lump that had jumped into my throat. “It was a boy. They named him Charles, after his father and grandfather.”

He exhaled. “I wasn’t sure I ever wanted to know.”

“Are you glad now that you do?”

“I’m not sure.”

I laughed gently. “I know all about mixed feelings on this topic, I promise.”

“Was it hard? To give him up?”

“The hardest thing I’ve ever done. But the parents who adopted him were wonderful, and they wanted him so badly. I knew right from the start they were his parents. That helped.”

“Good.”

For a moment, I considered telling him that I’d reached out to Charles’s parents about meeting him, but decided against it. It seemed like too much for one night. I felt like we’d crossed a hugely important bridge—individually and together—and I didn’t want anything to set us back. Besides, he was leaving in three days. It wouldn’t affect him at all, and I could always tell him in the future. Hopefully, we’d stay in touch when he left.

“You know what?” he said.

“What?”

“I decided. I’m glad I know. And I’m glad to hear that he was adopted by wonderful parents who really wanted him. That makes me feel good.”