Unfinished Ex (Calloway Brothers, #2)(41)

He grunts and comes quickly, but I don’t mind. This isn’t about me. It’s about us. Our connection.

Our loss. Our devastation.

He collapses onto me when it’s over. We embrace for a moment, then the lights come on and the moment is over. The spell is broken. The feeling has passed.

It’s quiet outside. The storm is over. I don’t know what to do. Do I dress and leave? Do we pretend this never happened?

He pulls away and studies my face, leaving me wondering what he’s thinking. I’m sure I’m a sight. Makeup must be streaked down my cheeks. I wipe under my eyes. He removes my hand. “Don’t.

You’re beautiful.” He touches the pendant on my necklace, the only thing I’m still wearing.

“That’s him,” I say.

His eyes capture mine. He swallows hard.

“I had him cremated. He was so tiny. And someone at the hospital told me that people in my situation sometimes put ashes in jewelry.”

He holds the pendant and rubs it between his fingers as more tears flow.

“Jaxon.”

“Can we just… not talk for a minute? I need to process this.”

We dress quietly, enormous questions lingering in the air around us. I busy myself. I go to the dining room and blow out the candles. I freshen myself up in the bathroom. I get sanitizing wipes and make sure the whiskey is all cleaned up. Then I assess what’s left of the bottle, deciding I need a drink more than I’ve ever needed one. So I take one.

I break the deafening silence. “I’m sorry I never told you. As much as it affected me, I knew the pain I was feeling was nothing compared to what you would feel, and I wanted to spare you that.”

“I need to believe you’re telling me the truth, Nic. Were you really going to go through with having him? Were you going to tell me?”

“My bags were already packed. I was supposed to fly out the following day. I was grateful, you know. Not for the miscarriage, but for having it before you knew.”

“You could have told me anyway. Maybe things would have been different.”

“Or maybe we would have ended up in the very same place.”

“I’m sorry you had to go through it alone,” he says.

“It was of my own doing.”

“You didn’t cause the miscarriage. It wasn’t a punishment, Nic. Those things happen.”

I nod and pretend I agree. “Do you want to see a picture of him?”

He sits and puts his forearms on his knees. “You have a picture?”

“I do.” I pull out my phone and page through to the one photo I have. The photo the nurse said I needed even though I tried to refuse. I hold my phone out to him.

He doesn’t take it. He hesitates, breathing as heavily as he was when he was inside me.

“I didn’t want a picture,” I tell him. “But the nurse told me I should have one anyway. She said I didn’t even need to look at it right then, but someday, when the pain wasn’t so bad, I’d want it to remember him by. And she was right. I did. And now, you do too. It’s okay, Jaxon. You can look. You need to look.”

Finally, he takes my phone. Tears roll down his cheeks as he stares at the tiny baby in my hand.

I’m holding him close to my heart, the blanket covering him removed so we could see his entire body.

His perfectly formed body that never had a chance to grow.

Jaxon zooms in and traces the baby with a finger. “My god.” He reaches over and grabs my hand.

“Did you name him?”

I can’t speak. I simply shake my head.

“Do you think we should?”

I bellow out a sob and nod. “Okay.” I sniff and touch the pendant. “Billy?”

He squeezes my hand. Jaxon’s middle name is William. I knew it’s the name he’d want to give a son. He nods over and over as his tears soak the front of his shirt.

“Billy,” he repeats, putting down the phone and pulling me into his arms.





Chapter Seventeen



Jaxon




Dawn breaks through the living room window. I’m on the couch. Nicky’s head is in my lap. We cried each other to sleep. Then I woke up sometime around three a.m. and have been staring at her ever since. Last night was an absolute mindfuck. She never cheated. She was pregnant. The picture of our tiny baby. I run a finger along the edge of her pendant. What I wouldn’t give to have been there. I want to be mad at her, but I find it nearly impossible after hearing what she went through. She was going to fly back here and tell me. We could have worked things out. Maybe it’s not too late. I check the time and nudge her gently. “Hey.”

Her eyes open and she smiles sadly.

“Don’t you have to be at work?” I ask.

“I get Mondays and Tuesdays off.”

I push a wisp of hair off her forehead. “What now?”

She sits up and tucks her legs beneath her. “I don’t know. I mean, last night was…”

“Heavy.”

“To say the least.”

Heisman walks over and plops his head on the sliver of couch between us. “Come on, bud.” I let him out the back door and leave it open. Then I fill his water and food bowls. “You want breakfast?”