Unexpected Gift(42)

My brows knit together. I have no idea what that can be. I grab my wine glass and sit on the floor, turning the envelope over to see Maddy Molls written on the front. “Brandon...” I let out a shaky breath, running my fingers over the perfect, capital letters he liked to write in. The wine is a cheap Moscato, but I can’t taste the sweetness or the flavor. It flows like water. Tasteless.

Tears brim my eyes, and I glance up at the ceiling, trying to blink them away, but they pour down my face like a waterfall. I can’t do this. I’m not ready for this.

But I need him right now. Everything is so messy. I need to hear his voice, or, if anything, to at least to feel it. I sip the wine, hoping it'll give me the courage to open it. I stare at the letters written in dark blue ink. This is one of the last things he ever wrote.

“Okay. Here we go.” I take a deep breath, and with precision, the mouth of the envelope rips open, but I make sure not to tear too much. I want to preserve it. The envelope is heavier than I thought. And when I open the paper, another letter addressed to Posie falls out. I almost decide to quit, fold it all up, and put it away, so I never have to see it again.

This time, I chug my wine, set the glass down with a hard clunk, wipe my eyes, and start reading.

Maddy Molly,

I hate to know that you are reading this because that means Amelia and I have died. I never thought I’d ever have to write something like this. It isn’t something that people think of doing, but when Posie came into the world, I knew that I had to take care of her in every way possible. I’ve made sure you and her are taken care of, so I don’t want you to worry. I’d never leave you to worry.

And I’m sorry I’m not there, but I’m also relieved because I won’t be able to hear your wrath about Caden. Man, to be a fly on the wall of that lawyer's office when he told you guys you had to live together for Posie. I know you think it was out of this world and insane, but it wasn’t, Molls. You and Caden have something. You can deny it all you want, and that's probably what you’ll do the entire time you’ll be living together. When you and him are together, you clash. Hard. It’s almost comical to watch you guys dance around each other.

Do me a favor, Maddy Molls. Will you just stop dancing for a minute? I just want you to be happy. Why won’t you ever let yourself be? It drives me crazy. Even writing this, I’m getting mad at you for always denying yourself a brief moment of happiness.

I miss you. I’m not gone yet, but I know when I am, I’ll miss you. I’ll miss all that fire in your blood that could burn down a damn city, but I’d really love it if you used it on yourself for once. I want Posie to have a family. I want her to have what we couldn’t give her. She deserves it.

You’re in charge of her now. You aren’t allowed to be selfish anymore. You have to think of her, and that is exactly what I did when I made you and Caden live together. Life is too short to deny any form of happiness.

You’ll forgive me eventually. Let yourself go a bit, okay? Take care of my girl. I love you, Molly.

Stop being so mad all the time,

B.

I clutch the paper to my chest like it is a direct line to him, and I wail. I cry so hard; I can hardly breathe. I can’t breathe. I can’t see. The tears blind me. The pain wrenches out of me, flowing like a murderous, painful rage—loud and unforgiving.

“Brandon,” I say. My voice trembles with sobs.

It hurts so bad. It will always hurt so bad.

“Molly? Molly! Are you okay? What’s wrong?”

I lift my teary gaze from the floor to see Caden. He kneels next to me, putting his hand on my back and rubbing it in soothing circles. My voice won’t work. I can’t seem to make any noise or form my lips into any shape, except for the sounds of heartache.

“What is it, Molly? You’re killing me here. How can I help?”

I stare up at him through wet lashes and lay my head against his arm, holding the letter to my heart, like a blanket, and hoping it will provide me warmth.

“It’s okay. Come here,” he says as he sits down and straightens out his legs.

I lay down on the floor and put my head in his lap as I cry, soaking his jeans with my tears. It doesn’t feel wrong or bad. I don’t feel ashamed as I cry. I actually feel…comforted.

He runs his fingers through my hair for the next few minutes, and it calms me. I inhale my first breath after the sobs pass, but I still cry, never letting go of the letter.

“I don’t know what is going on, but I can’t help if you don’t talk to me.”

I slide my hand over his thigh, gripping it as memories of Brandon filter through my mind.

He sighs, but he never stops playing with my hair. “Well, I got called into work, but when I was halfway there, they called me back and said they had it taken care of. They gave me the next few days off, so maybe we can all go out and do something. I don’t know... maybe check out our new town and see what it has to offer?”

“Sounds nice,” I force out of my tear-saturated throat.

“It does, doesn’t it?”

Caden playing with my hair is making me sleepy, but I fight it. I don’t want to sleep yet. “Brandon wrote me a letter.”

“Is that what all these tears are for?” he asks softly.

“Yeah. I forgot how well he knew me. No one knew me like him. Kenna does, but no one else. He is right. I never allow myself to let anyone close to me. Ever. I’m sorry if I am such a bitch to you. It just comes naturally.” I start to cry again, letting my emotions get the best of me.