Underneath the Sycamore Tree(3)

The way Dad looks at me is like he’s trying to see someone else. Maybe he wonders if Logan would have looked the same. It’s been nine years since she passed, ten since he left.

What does he remember of her?

Instead of asking, I swallow my inquiry and force a tight-lipped smile. “Thank you.”

I told him I didn’t want a party or even a special dinner. When I was younger, he and Mama would ask what we wanted for our birthdays—the meal was always our choice. Lo would always ask to go out, while I always asked to stay in. The cake was the same. Red velvet with white buttercream frosting. Honestly, there was nothing I wanted from Dad now besides temporary shelter.

No homecooked meal.

No red velvet cake.

Part of me feels like wanting anything from Dad is somehow cheating on Mama. Like forgiving him means I don’t care that he left or hurt her or us. No matter what, he abandoned us when we needed him. When Lo needed him.

He tips his head, pauses, and then turns toward the downstairs. Kaiden’s room is down the hall from mine, but he doesn’t bother him. I wonder if he’s already up and ready, an early riser. Sometimes I’ll hear him leave his room late at night and watch him sneak out of the house.

I wonder where he goes. Or if Cam knows. Or if Dad does. It isn’t my place to ask, so I leave it be.

It takes me fifteen minutes to throw on a pair of blue jeans with one of the knees ripped out and an oversized black sweater that falls off my shoulder. Running a brush through my tangled hair and leaving it loose, I note that it’s finally passing my shoulders again. Mama would probably be happy to hear that, she always loved when Lo and I kept our hair long.

Slipping into a beige pair of Toms that have pineapples all over them, I grab my new black and white checkered backpack and head downstairs. Dad is finishing up his breakfast because he has to leave for work, but Cam and Kaiden are both still working on theirs.

Cam greets me with a gentle smile, Kaiden doesn’t look at me at all, and Dad gives me a head bob before getting up and rinsing his plate off in the large stainless steel sink.

Their house is huge—two stories, plus a fully-finished basement that’s mostly used for storage. The outside is painted white, the windowsills on the bottom floor all have flowerpots attached with pink and purple plants, and the backyard stretches far enough to have a fire pit, garden, and grill area.

It isn’t anything like the house I grew up in, especially inside. There’s so much space to walk around in without tripping over furniture or people. Everything smells floral and fresh, and the modern matching style throughout every room differs from the rustic thrift store finds that litters Mama’s house.

But I like Mama’s house more.

It may have been small, but it made things more intimate. We could joke about tripping over the coffee table, which all of us had at some point. There was a bright green coat rack by the door that stuck out like a sore thumb against the pale yellow wallpaper that had little white and yellow stripes decorating the bottom half, and an orange bowl that keys, receipts, and other odds and ends always found their way in.

Mama’s house is colorful, quaint.

Dad’s house is…normal.

I never understood normal.

I’m playing with the scrambled eggs and bacon on my plate when Dad kisses Cam goodbye and tells Kaiden and I to have a good first day of school. Since I’m without a car, Kaiden is supposed to drive us and show me where the office is since Dad couldn’t get time off to bring me to the school early and show me himself.

Cam tried getting Kaiden to take me last week to familiarize myself with the campus layout, but I didn’t want him to feel obligated, so I lied and told her it was fine. Truth is, my heart is pounding so hard in my chest from nerves that I worry I’ll die from a heart attack long before my disease does me in. If the room gets any quieter, they’d probably hear it drum an uneven tune.

I’m halfway done with my breakfast before I glance at the clock and then at Cam. She knows my worries and gives me a small smile before passing me a granola bar, money for lunch, and a signed piece of paper with Dad’s name on the bottom.

For school records, she tells me.

Slipping everything into my bag, I ask Kaiden if he’s ready. His response is nothing more than a grunt before he pushes away from the table, grabs his bag and car keys, and then gestures toward the front door.

He doesn’t tell Cam goodbye.

She doesn’t wish us a good day.

She just smiles sadly as we leave.

I want to ask Kaiden why he’s so angry and won’t talk. Cam seems like a nice woman, so I don’t get why he acts so dismissive around her. I know better than to pry in other people’s business. Then they’d have a right to pry into mine.

When we get to the school, I follow Kaiden inside from the student parking lot already packed with cars. He simply points in the direction of the office and shoots me a sarcastic good luck over his shoulder before disappearing into a crowd of people who slap his back and greet him with big smiles while completely ignoring my existence.

Happy birthday to me.



There’s a decorative brick wall behind the principal’s desk that matches the exterior of the building. It doesn’t necessarily match the white walls or rest of the classy decor, though I haven’t had time to explore yet.

The dark-haired man sitting in front of me is young and burly, probably late thirties, and doesn’t seem to be particularly organized based on the way he searches through papers for my file. He seems flustered. I’m sure if I looked hard enough I’d see sweat dot his brow.