Unbroken Bonds (The Bonds That Tie #6)(96)
I cry because they'll never meet my Bonded.
My mom would have loved them. I'm not so sure what my dads would have thought though. Not in the beginning anyway, but I'm sure that my Bonded would have slowly won them over. They would have been proud of me. I think that’s maybe the hardest part, the part where I feel as though I have worked so hard to get to this point, and yet it still hasn't brought them back.
Some things can't be fixed.
Some things are permanent because life isn't a fairy tale, no matter how wonderful it may seem sometimes. I'm still going to argue with my Bonded. I'm still going to feel sad and lost. I'm still going to need space and time to grieve, but that doesn't mean I'm not incredibly proud of what we've done.
Footsteps crunch behind me, but neither of the shadow creatures react. I don't need the familiar tugging of my bond in my chest to know that one of my Bonded has followed me out here. I make an educated guess on which one it is, and I'm proven right when Nox slowly eases himself down to sit next to me, snapping his fingers at Azrael to have him move spots.
He doesn't say a word to me.
He doesn't comment on the open containers sitting in the box in front of us or the white powder that still is coating some of the flowers. He doesn't mention that the sunrise before us is beautiful or that my cheeks are stained with tears. He just sits and is still in the moment with me, offering me support without ever uttering a word.
I reach over and take his hand, threading our fingers together and squeezing gently, sitting there until I can muster up the energy to head back home and be the Bonded that everybody wants me to be, the Bonded they deserve to have. The Bonded that comes most naturally to me when grief isn't quite so heavy in my heart.
The one that needs to figure out what our future is going to look like now, once and for all.
When we eventually get back to the house, it feels surreal to stand in the kitchen and make breakfast together as though our lives haven't completely changed. I move to the fridge to grab the ingredients to make an omelet, something simple that I've done a million times before and shouldn't fuck up too badly, but Nox places a firm hand on my back to direct me towards the table instead as he takes over breakfast preparation.
By the time he slides a plate of food towards me, all of the rest of our Bonded Group have joined us, still half-dressed and weary-looking. It’s clear they’re half asleep as they serve themselves from the giant pile of food that Nox has whipped together for everyone.
Gabe still looks green at the mere smell of the eggs, so instead of eating, he buries his nose in my neck, huffing quietly under his breath as though the rest of us are doing something disgusting by eating while he is feeling so shitty. I leave him tucked there as I dig in.
Atlas flanks my other side, pouring me a large cup of coffee and adding all sorts of fun flavors for me, while North and Gryphon discuss work quietly amongst themselves. They both have their phones in their hands as they check in with TacTeams and other personnel, seamlessly getting back to business as usual while I’m sitting here like my whole world has been tilted on its axis.
They’re all acting as though this morning is just like every other morning that we've been at the house together, as though nothing has really changed, when we know that in reality, it has.
“What are we gonna do today, Bonded?” Atlas murmurs quietly to me as he kisses my cheek and hands over the giant cup of coffee.
I take a sip and enjoy the peppermint and mocha undertones to it, sighing as I bat my eyelashes at him. “I want to go see Sage and check in on Kieran… Then I guess we'll help Gabe build things. Is there anything else we need to be doing?”
North shoots me a heated look and shakes his head. “There's nothing you need to be doing anymore, Bonded. Anything else that comes up, we will deal with. Your job now is to be happy. That's it.”
I nod slightly and look down at my plate of eggs, getting a few spoonfuls in as I think his words through. “And what if I don't know how to be happy? What if it's not that simple?”
North shares a look with Gryphon for a moment before his eyes flick over to Nox. The brothers seem to have a language of their own, they always have, but I'm not used to it being used against me like this, not in such a kind and loving way.
Nox says, a little too gently, “Then you need to figure that out, Oleander. That's your job from now on, figuring out exactly what you want to do. Something that will make you happy.”
Gabe groans under his breath, rubbing his face on my shoulder before he pulls away from me and huffs, “You're going to send her spiraling off the deep end again talking like that, you know. She’s only just stopped freaking out about how she's going to fill up her days.”
I use my training from my time with the Resistance to keep my mind very carefully blank, putting up a wall the way that Nox taught me so that Gryphon doesn't hear anything in my head, and then I send through to Gabe, If you dare to tell any of them what we talked about back at the school, indigestion from the Draconis will be the very last thing on your mind, Ardern.
The lazy grin he shoots back at me is so self-satisfied and not at all discreet. He might as well put a sign on his forehead to let them all know exactly what’s going on in my head.
“What are you guys going to be doing?” I ask, trying to change the topic, and Nox shrugs as he finishes his cup of coffee in one go, gulping it back as though he had a rough night's sleep in his room by himself.