Unbroken Bonds (The Bonds That Tie #6)(95)

I lie there for a moment, naked and with random aches and pains running through my body, but the hollow emptiness isn’t inside me anymore. My Bonded have fixed what consuming the god-bond’s soul had broken within me, and now it's just me in here.

Me and my bond, of course.

I watch North's chest as he breathes deeply in his sleep, completely unaware that I’m awake and eyeballing him this hard, and I slowly look around at each of my Bonded.

Gryphon is on the other side of me with an arm flung over his eyes, looking like a god at rest, even though he’d actually spent a good part of last night worshiping me. I’m pretty sure the pinching in my lower back is from the way that he’d bent me in half, and I’m sure he’ll wake up with another dozen ways he’ll want to fuck my brains out.

Gabe is on the far side of him, still clutching at his belly even in his sleep. My heart aches in my chest at the sight of him, at the lines of discomfort still etched into his face. Even sharing all my power with him wouldn’t fix that sort of stomachache, and I get the feeling that if there are more battles like that in our future, we're going to have to take out stock in antacids for my beloved Shifter.

I feel vicious about the Pain god again.

Atlas is on the far side of North, and he's sleeping soundly on his stomach, his head buried in one of my pillows as he surrounds himself in my scent, as I like to surround myself in all of theirs. He needed a lot from me last night. The moment that the Cleaver had left him, a panicked energy filled him that could only be eased by my presence. He’s going to be my shadow again for the next few weeks. I already know it.

Nox slept in his own room.

His boundaries are still important to him, and even though I would rather have them all in here with me every night, I can definitely respect that he needs his space. I know he finds being vulnerable and sleeping in a room with all of these people too difficult. I don’t just accept it, I’ll fight for him to have that space.

I might just need to find my way into his bed tonight.

I very carefully slide my way out of the bed, wriggling downwards and out so that I don't wake any of them. After I find a pair of Gryphon's running shorts and one of Atlas’ hoodies to throw on, I head quietly down the hallway and into the kitchen for a glass of water.

There's something I want to do this morning, something big and important that is also a little too… exposing. Taking a minute to do it by myself is just what I need, like the real, final battle. I'm also not an idiot, so I let Azrael down from behind my ear and then I grab August from behind the other one. I’m still a little in awe that North finally trusts his shadow creature enough to give him to me.

I give them both loves and scratches behind their ears, murmuring affectionately to them both quietly before I duck back into my closet to grab the box I need. Then I slip out of the house without another word.

I can imagine the look of horror on North’s face at me wandering around before dawn by myself, but I also know that I am completely safe. The god-bonds are all taken care of, I have a bond that rips the souls out of my enemies, and I have two shadow creatures following my every move. Anyone else at this point would be overkill.

I'd gone on a few quiet hikes with Atlas in the weeks leading up to the battles with the god-bonds. I never discussed with him exactly what I was looking for and he never asked, probably assuming that I was just enjoying the space and quiet away from everyone. That’s true enough, but I was also looking for a resting place.

When Gryphon gave me back my parents' ashes, I originally intended to scatter them right away, but part of me couldn't bear the thought of what would happen if we had to leave the Sanctuary behind. There was every chance that the god-bonds would take it from us, and I already had to leave my parents behind once before.

I didn't want to have to do it again.

I know that this is my home, the place I will always come back to. It’s something built for our community but also for me, an act of love and devotion from North and the rest of my Bonded Group. I reach the small ledge at the top of the incline that looks out over our house and down into the valley where the town lies, and I find the first budding wildflowers there, just a small sprinkling of color as the sun begins to rise and the light hits them in the most beautiful orange burst.

I sit down on the rock and open up the box, pulling out each of the small containers of ashes, and even though I know that my parents are long gone at this point, I kiss each one before I put it down on the rock next to me.

August sits at my side, pressing against my back, but Azrael sniffs each of the containers, his void eyes staring up at me as if they know what is going on, and when he ducks forward to lick at my cheek, I realize that I'm crying.

The person responsible for my parents’ deaths is gone.

The permanent sort of gone, I know that my bond will never have to deal with it again. I suppose I could pretend that they are happy tears, but really, they're just the first tears I have let myself cry for my parents without feeling any guilt attached to them at all.

They're gone now, and there's nothing I can do about it. Nothing except to scatter their ashes here so they're all together for eternity.

It feels weird to just open up the containers and dump them out over the wildflowers, but that's exactly what I do. I watch as the wind picks up a little and the ashes dance in the air in front of me.

I observe it all with my shadow puppies and then, finally, I let it out. I let myself cry all of the tears that I've ever wanted to for my parents. I cry because I'll never get to hug my mom again or any of my dads. I cry because they loved me and they had no idea of what was living inside their daughter, of the legacy that I was continuing.