Turbo Twenty-Three (Stephanie Plum #23)(27)

We dragged Smitch into the building and cuffed him to a bench. I got my body receipt, and Lula and I returned to the bond office.

“Done and done,” Lula said to Connie.

“You guys are hot,” Connie said. “You got Virgil, Diggery, and Smitch. Vinnie’s going to be happy.”

Lula looked over at Vinnie’s open door. “Where is the little perv? How come he’s not here?”

“Good question,” Connie said. “Don’t know the answer. He tends to wander into murky waters when Lucille goes out of town.”

“I hope he’s not looking for another duck,” Lula said. “I try to be open-minded about people’s needs, but that was disturbing. I doubt that duck was consensual.”

“Gosh, look at the time,” I said, checking my watch. “I need to get home in case Morelli wants me to make dinner for him.”

“Me too,” Lula said. “I gotta get ready for my filming. I gotta glitter up my eyelids. And I want to go over the script one more time.”

Connie wrote me a check for the mime catch. “What are you making for dinner?” she asked me.

“Hot dogs.”

“Can’t go wrong with hot dogs,” Lula said. “What are you going to serve with them?”

“Beer.”

“That’ll do it,” Lula said.

A text message from Ranger dinged on my cellphone.

“Now what?” Lula asked.

“I’m supposed to meet Ranger at Mo Morris Ice Cream tomorrow at eight o’clock.”

“That’s the good ice cream place,” Lula said. “That’s where they give you free ice cream.”

“Why are you going to Mo Morris?” Connie asked. “I thought you were at Bogart’s solving security issues.”

“Harry Bogart thinks Mo is behind all the disasters at his plant. Ranger’s sending me in to see if I pick up any bad vibes.”

“How’s he going to get you in there?” Lula asked. “I thought it was impossible to get a job at that plant.”

I shrugged. “Don’t know. It’s not my problem.”

“Yeah,” Lula said, “your problem is trying to look good in a shower cap and paper onesie.”

I squelched a grimace, took the check from Connie, and headed out. Truth is, I wasn’t going home to get ready to wow Morelli with my culinary skills. I was going home to take a nap and reassess my life.





THIRTEEN


REX WAS IN his soup can when I walked into my kitchen. I tapped on the cage and said hello. Nothing. I dropped a peanut into his cage, he rushed out of the can, stuffed the peanut into his cheek, and rushed back into his can. Okay, that was fun. I ate some olives and a couple handfuls of Froot Loops. I lifted the lid on my brown bear cookie jar and looked in at my gun. Probably Briggs was right. I should get rid of the gun and buy some cookies. I wasn’t opposed to gun ownership. I just didn’t feel comfortable shooting people. And it would be nice to have cookies.

Morelli showed up at four-thirty with Bob. We took Bob for a walk, came home and fried up the hot dogs, and downloaded a movie. Domestic bliss. At nine-thirty we were about to migrate to the bedroom and take the bliss up a notch when my mother called.

“Is your grandmother with you?” she asked.

“No. Is she supposed to be with me?”

“I was brushing my teeth, and I heard the front door open and close. I looked out the window and saw your grandmother get into a red car that looks like the one Lula drives.”

Oh boy.

“I hope she’s not going to another one of those Chippendales shows with Lula,” my mother said. “She almost got arrested last time when she got up onstage to dance with them.”

“I don’t think the Chippendales are in town.”

“Well, you need to go find your grandmother and bring her home before she gets into trouble.”

“No problem,” I said. “I’ll track her down.”

Morelli looked at me with one eyebrow raised. “I don’t like the sound of this.”

“Lula is shooting her reality demo tonight, and I think Grandma has volunteered to be part of the production team. My mother said Grandma just got into a red car that looked like Lula’s Firebird.”

“Is that so bad?”

“They’re doing a demo for Naked and Afraid . . . the Trenton version.”

Morelli cracked a smile. “You’re kidding. Who’s going to be naked?”

“Lula and Randy Briggs.”

“Whoa!”

I got my messenger bag from the kitchen, and Morelli followed me.

“I’ll ride along with you,” Morelli said.

“No way. You’re a cop. You’d have to arrest Lula for being naked.”

“Where are they shooting this?”

“Across town,” I said. “Don’t worry. I won’t be long. I’ll go get Grandma, bring her home, and be back in a jiffy.”

I took the stairs and ran to my car. I wanted to get to Mill Street before they started filming. Not only didn’t I want Grandma near Stark Street, I was afraid Grandma would be the second naked woman. There was minimal traffic, but I hit every light going across town. By the time I got to Mill Street I was white-knuckle on the steering wheel. I’d tried calling Lula, but she wasn’t picking up.