Tragic Bonds (The Bonds That Tie #5)(18)

He stares at me intently for a minute, not arguing or denying that I do, in fact, have him now, but I’m not surprised that he doesn’t just drop the issue. “Bassinger was trying to knock a wall down because you weren’t napping in your own bed under his obsessive eye. There’s more than just your trust issues to deal with.”

I cringe a little because that might be what had happened earlier, but he makes it sound so… wrong. Atlas is only trying to take care of me, something that a Bonded should do, and he’s always been so doubtful of Nox’s intentions.

With valid reasons too.

“He’s just… afraid you’re hurting me. Emotionally.”

I don’t know why I tack that onto the end there, but Nox sends me a dry look anyway. “I’m sure he’s got a lot more concerns than just how I’m speaking to you.”

The mood in the room shifts.

I feel like a creep for it, and for noticing it, especially after everything that’s been said and shared between us. It feels wrong to even be thinking about sex right now, but my mind can’t stop replaying our bonding, and then my bond pipes up with its own desperate demands for him.

Maybe I am a monster.

“Stop it, Oleander. You already know it’s not about sex.”

Okay, ouch. I did not want the reminder.

The part of the soul-bonding that I had been very careful about not thinking about so far, no small feat, were all of the memories of his sex life before I’d returned here. The years of figuring out exactly what he likes and reclaiming the parts of himself and his sexuality that his mother had broken—I know them all now, intimately.

Doesn’t mean I have to like it.

Okay, so that might make me sound like a bitch, because he also was in a lot of therapy and going through it was part of the healing process, but I’m a very possessive sort of Bond, and seeing all of that had hurt more than anything else he’s ever said or done to me… everything except the reasons why he’s so broken.

He knows it too.

Fuck, this is kind of a mess.

I clear my throat and pray that he doesn’t think I’m trying to be a controlling, manipulative Bond, the exact thing his mother had played and distorted reality with. “I’m trying to be cool right now, but I’m not. Like, at all. I’m very not cool and not fine about any of my Bonds having sex with other people. I’m not going to lie about it or try to play it down.”

I keep my eyes squeezed tight so I don’t have to see the moment he decides to be done with me. His words startle me. “Are you pissed off at me because of that?”

Am I?

It takes me a second, but I find the truth. “No, but I might need to avoid some women for a while because I could very much rip some hearts out or set my bond onto them, which isn’t fair or okay either. Just, you know, being honest here.”

I’m brave and take a quick glance at him just in time to see him nod slowly, lying back to stare up at the ceiling again.

He doesn’t snarl at me or leave me here, so maybe I haven’t ruined everything with my irrational emotions. At least not yet.

I let my eyes fall shut again as I think about exactly how I’m going to convince everyone to let me step up in the fight, not just easing up when my bond comes out to play, and I’m so busy in my own head that I barely notice when a shadow wisp wraps around my ankle, jerking my leg towards Nox.

I startle a little, my eyes flying open, but another shadow wisp wraps around my wrist to move me until I’m in the middle of the bed facing him. His eyes are deep, dark voids of deep blue that have me constantly questioning whether it’s him or his bond in control, but when I open my mouth to say… Lord knows what, Nox speaks over me, “Don’t move or say a word. Your bond isn’t in control here.”

The wisps come out to wrap around my body, covering almost every inch of me until I’m bound tightly, only the steady rise and fall movement of my chest allowed. It’s then that I know that I really do trust him. I must, because I don’t freak out. I’m calm as I stare back at him.

He’s setting a clear boundary, and when he raises his eyebrows at me, I nod, a small jerk of my head. That’s all the wisps of shadows will allow, my lips pressed tightly together in a clear sign of my compliance. His pupils blow out, swallowing up the last of the blue. When he moves over to press in close to me, a whimper works its way out of my chest.

His bond purrs at the sound of it.

I stare up at him, splayed out underneath him like a sacrifice just how he wants me— or maybe not, because I still have a lot more clothing on than either of us would like.

The moment I think that, the shadows start to move. They’re nothing like the shadows that North controls. His shadows were like a caress, firm but loving as they had pleasured me. These shadows are about control, holding me and moving me this way and that at the urges of their god.

I feel as though I’m merely an object that belongs to him, something he owns for his own desire, but the idea of his pleasures finally being mine to sate is more than exciting. It feels right, as though this is how it always should have been.

The shadows begin to pull and tear at my clothes, stripping them away from my body until I’m naked, my legs tugged apart for him. When he steps away from the bed, his eyes drop down, flaring at the sight of my pussy spread open for him.

“Watch me, Oleander. Watch what you’re doing to me, and what I’m going to do to you.”