Too Hard(13)

Her red hair is over one shoulder, revealing the freckles down her neck and across her collarbone. I want to kiss each one of them and take my time memorizing their patterns, but it’s not right. If she’s as innocent as I think she is then she doesn’t deserve to be saddled with someone like me.

“I would be lucky to call you mine,” I say as I reach out and rub my thumb across her soft swollen lips that are begging to be kissed. “But for right now, we can’t.”

Her gaze falls from mine and I hate that I’ve caused her any amount of pain. I pull her to me and stand up from the couch. Her feet hit the floor and she puts her hands on my stomach as she pushes away from me. I sigh when she turns around and walks to her bedroom and shuts the door. I want to run after her, but this is for the best. I shouldn’t have ever touched her to begin with. Not only because she deserves more, but because now I know what I’m missing and it’s tearing me apart inside.

I decide to put my worry into my work and go into the kitchen. I rub a hand down my face and sigh loudly before I get busy. This is the only way I know how to cope when it comes to this kind of pain. I have to work to drown out all the voices inside me screaming to run after her and to get my head out of my ass. My chest hurts as I tear out her cabinet and cut sheetrock. I can’t even think about what this level of blue balls is doing to my cock, but that’s the least of my worries. The sad look in her eyes as she turned away from me is enough to haunt my dreams for eternity.

Why did I have to take the call that night? Why did I have to walk in here and see her? Why did she have to be so fucking beautiful? These are the questions that play on a loop in my head as I move and sweat. Then the question that I’m scared to ask creeps in and it won’t let go. What if I gave in?

It’s too fucking big inside me and I feel like I might split in half. I can’t believe after raising teenagers this is going to be the thing that kills me.

Hours go by and I don’t stop working. The advantage to that is I’ve completed in a day a job that would usually take a week. If I were smart I would have dragged it out, but I was too focused on not thinking about what I feel, but it didn’t work. As soon as I stand back and use the bottom of my shirt to wipe away the sweat on my face it all comes crashing back.

“Oh god,” I hear Harlow gasp, and I look over to see her staring at my bare stomach.

I glance down to see my own stomach that’s long past the years of a six pack and now is a little soft around the middle. I’m hairy, too, and I wonder if she’s used to seeing young muscled guys with tanned skin and I hate that she might not like what she sees. I drop my shirt quickly and turn around to pack up my tools.

“Has anyone ever told you that you look like Jason Statham?” Her tongue darts out and licks her bottom lip.

I think the boys have mentioned it in passing when we’ve watched his movies, but I’m a little softer than he is. I shrug and don’t answer as she steps farther into the kitchen.

“This looks so beautiful.”

I want to tell her that it’s nothing compared to her, but I clench my jaw tight. I just need to get out of here and these feelings will stop. Never mind that I didn’t get a wink of sleep last night because I was thinking about her.

“Thank you,” I say, grabbing my tool belt and slinging it over my shoulder.

“Let me know where to send the bill. Normally Nellie handles all that, but I know this was an emergency.” She won’t look at me now and I can’t fucking stand it.

“There’s no charge.” My voice sounds like I’ve never used it before. It’s low and rumbling in my chest and I want to scream so that she understands the pain I’m feeling right now.

“I can’t do that, Butch.” The sound of my name on her lips is like a knife in the heart. “I appreciate everything and it wouldn’t feel right.”

The way she says “everything” has so many more connotations than just the work in the kitchen.

“Fuck,” I curse and drop my tools and go to her. I push her back against the wall and wrap my arms around her waist as my mouth falls on hers. She gasps and I run my tongue past her lips and give in to everything I’ve spent all day trying to stop.

I’ve never been so uncontrolled in my life, but letting go and kissing her is the single greatest thing I’ve ever felt. It’s selfish and I can’t remember the last time I had that luxury. As a parent you always put yourself last and you do it because you love your kids. But Harlow has opened a set of doors that I thought were welded shut forever.

“Have dinner with me,” I say as my kisses slow. I don’t stop, but I’m able to at least form a thought while my lips are on hers.

Her hands snake up my shirt and I feel her fingers in my chest hair. I want to purr like a fucking panther at her touch on my skin and I have to lock my knees to keep from falling over. It’s been so long since I’ve been touched, but it never felt like this before.

“Dinner?” she asks between kisses and I nod. “Tonight?” I nod again, and she smiles against my mouth. “Yes.”

“Good,” I say, pressing my forehead to hers and trying to get myself under control. “I’m going to go home and take a shower. I’ll be back in an hour to pick you up.”

“You’re not going to get cold feet on me again, are you?” she asks as she looks up at me through her lashes.