To Love and Be Loved(74)

‘Try me.’

‘He’s here . . . he . . . he just walked in.’ She hated the tremor to her voice. ‘I was on reception and his wife came in, really pretty, wearing decent clothes and holding one of those bags that Victoria Beckham has, and her hair was all, you know, neat and shiny. I was looking at her and thinking how good she looked and how nice she seemed and he just . . . he just walked in behind her.’ She let out a deep breath.

‘Merry, I need you to go back a few paces. Who walked in? I don’t know what’s going on.’

‘You don’t know what’s going on? I don’t know what’s going on!’ She raised her voice. ‘Digby! Digby is here!’

She heard Bella gasp. ‘Digby Mortimer?’

‘Yes! How many bloody Digbys do we know?’

‘Oh, my God!’ Bella screamed.

‘Exactly. I don’t know what to do! I can’t hide in here until they leave!’

‘How long are they staying?’

‘Two days.’

‘No, you definitely can’t. Although I could send snacks and a Portaloo.’

‘It’s not funny, Bella!’ Merrin felt like crying, her distress gathered in her throat like a physical blockage. ‘I haven’t seen him since . . . since . . . and I thought I was going to faint or throw up. It’s like it happened yesterday – just the sight of him’s enough to take me right back to that moment when Reverend Pimm came and got me and everything unravelled . . .’

‘Right, Merrin’ – Bella spoke with force – ‘you listen to me. That was a lifetime ago. You are a grown-ass woman with a lovely life; a lovely future ahead of you and a lovely Miguel. And Digby is a shit. He was a shit then and he will be a shit now. He did you a favour. You might have been saddled for life with him and that would have been so miserable.’

She swallowed the thought that Mrs Mortimer hadn’t looked miserable – quite the opposite.

‘Did he recognise you?’ Bella’s question drew her thoughts.

‘Yes, of course he did – it’s only two and a half years since he last saw me!’

‘What did he say? “Can I have my room key and, by the way, sorry about all those sausage rolls that must have gone to waste when I did a runner and left you standing like a tit in the vestry!”’ Bella’s anger was still very close to the surface.

‘We weren’t having sausage rolls, it was a three-course, sit-down meal with little chocolates served with the coffee with our initials piped on them . . .’ She pictured the very things; they had looked . . . exquisite.

‘Listen to yourself, woman! He ditched you at the altar, and don’t you dare think one nice thing about him! Your face that day, Merrin. You looked . . . you looked broken.’

I was broken.

‘And I shall never forget it. And if it wasn’t for the whole bloody fiasco, you might have stayed closer to home and right now be sitting opposite me instead of hiding in a cupboard with the lights off.’

Merrin gripped the phone and closed her eyes; her friend’s accurate assessment was like a punch to the throat.

‘I don’t like him being here, Bells. It’s made me think about it all over again. And you don’t have to remind me of how terrible it was – I don’t want any part of him.’ She whispered the truth. ‘I know it sounds stupid, but seeing him, it’s . . . it’s scared me.’ There was a crack in her voice, as if further evidence were needed.

‘You don’t need to be scared, Merry. You are safe and happy; this is just like peering off the edge of a cliff – a bit unnerving, but it doesn’t mean you’re going to fall. You are safe, you’re on solid ground.’

Merrin nodded. ‘It’s taken me a long time to . . . to feel less shaky . . .’ she admitted.

‘I know, I know, babby. And you have given that man more thought and more minutes of your time than I think is right; he was a blip and you need to make the decision not to give him a minute more. He doesn’t deserve you, he never did.’

‘Thanks, Bells.’

‘S’okay, mate. I miss you.’

Merrin cursed the pull of tears that would smudge her make-up when she needed to get back to work. ‘I miss you too.’

‘You have a lovely life, Merry – you live in a castle! You get to have sex with the gorgeous Miguel! While I sit here with my scruffy son, who usually needs his bum changing, hanging around my feet.’

‘Would you swap your scruffy son with a dirty bum for a life in a castle?’

‘Merrin, you know I would, in a heartbeat; wouldn’t even stop to pack,’ Bella joked. ‘I mean, literally the first this baby boy and my mother would know I was missing was when they ran out of milk and needed the TV turning on, as I’m the only one who can work the remote. Anyway, I gotta go. Love you, and please, please, leave the cupboard!’

‘I will, love you too.’

It was amazing how much better she felt after just one chat with her friend. Sitting up, she tucked her hair behind her ears and took a deep breath, trying to steady her pulse. Bella was right, she had to go outside, plus the Mortimers would no doubt be ensconced in their adjoining rooms and the chances of her running into Digby were slim. Her limbs trembled and she did her best to get the shakes under control. She felt torn, desperately keen to avoid him and yet also knowing this might be her only chance to tell him just how much he had destroyed for her.