To Love and Be Loved(51)

MERRIN

‘Oh, hey Mum, I’m glad you’ve called.’ Merrin tried to keep the bubble of excitement from her voice, knowing it would only invite a barrage of questions that she would be unable to answer to her mother’s satisfaction – if, that was, she confessed to one measly kiss received only an hour or so since.

Ooh! So, do you like him?

I don’t really know yet . . .

Are you seeing him again?

I don’t know, it’s early days . . .

When can we meet him?

Not any time soon, Mum . . .

Although she had to admit, it had been a very good kiss, one with no small amount of promise. Smiling at the memory, she was still able to feel the soft bruise of contact on her lips, over which she now ran the pad of her index finger. It felt good to have a diversion like Miguel; a diversion that lit a small flame of hope inside her that she had thought was all but extinguished for good.

‘I was going to call you. How’s Gran? Ruby said you were with her. Please tell her I’m sending all my love and I hope she’s feeling better. Does she need anything? Should I send a magazine or just flowers?’

‘No, no, love . . .’ Heather breathed deeply, cutting her off. ‘That’s what I’m calling to say, little Merry. I am so sorry, but she . . . she’s gone, darlin’, gone.’

Suddenly all the excitement of that one kiss was wiped out in an instant. ‘What? What do you mean?’ She sat down hard on the edge of the table in the staff canteen and let her breathing steady. The suit jacket of her uniform felt constricting around the armpits, and the neck of her blouse tight around her neck, where only moments before they had fitted perfectly. The sound of her mum trying to hide her tears was enough to twist Merrin’s heart. It felt as if time slowed a little and the rest of the world fell silent as she listened to her mother’s words.

‘She passed away an hour ago; I’ve just left Dad with her. To say his goodbyes.’

‘Oh no, Mum! No. But I thought . . .’ Merrin closed her eyes and placed her palm over her face, wishing she were standing by her side, holding her close at a time when she knew that physical contact would make all the difference for them both. ‘What happened? Ruby said she was only taken in as a precaution; I thought she was going to be fine!’ Her voice was raised, not intentionally shouting at her mother, but as a means of venting her utter frustration that this was happening at all. Sadness rolled over her, covering her in a dark, sticky pulp that drew joy from her pores and seeped into her veins. In an instant, the sunshine seemed to have dulled and the air thickened.

‘She just slipped away, Merry. No one was expecting it and, despite how horrible it is for us all, it really is quite wonderful that she left us mid-sleep. Peacefully.’

‘It doesn’t feel real, Mum. Or wonderful.’

‘I know, darlin’, I know. Everyone here at Truro Hospital has been amazing. Daddy is in shock, as you would expect; we both are, really, but I was just talking to the ward sister, who told me that even though it might not feel like it right now, the way Ellen went was the biggest gift to us all.’

‘Doesn’t feel much like a gift.’ Merrin sniffed, aware of the juvenile tone to her response.

‘Not right now, but when you process it all later, you might think so: no long-drawn-out illness, no galling treatment, no pain or violent accident, nothing like that.’

‘It all feels . . .’ She looked up through the little window and out over the treetops, which rustled in the breeze.

‘I know, my love. I’ve got to go. I promised I’d call your sister. I’ll call you again later.’

‘Okay, Mum.’ Ridiculously, she wished to keep talking to Heather – wished she could click her heels and be with her family – well, she half-wished that; the other half still felt queasy at the prospect of being anywhere near home.

‘And, Merry, listen to me, I’d rather you didn’t come rattling down the motorway and then back again, all tired. I’ll only worry, and there’s nothing to be done here. Not much will happen for a few days, and then it’s going to be a very small funeral. Only us. No pomp or ceremony, in and out fast as we can. The least fuss. It’s what she wanted. She made that clear often enough.’ Her mum’s voice broke. ‘She’d say the same thing: don’t you worry, little Merry, just do what you gotta do. And never forget, we love you so much. I know that you are here in heart, always. We’re so proud of you.’

‘I’m going to miss her.’ She sniffed. ‘But the thought of coming back . . .’

‘I understand that, my love, I do. I told you already, no need to come. You’re doing so well, Merrin, just keep your head up and keep feeling better. I need you to do that for me.’

‘I will, Mum.’

Merrin held the phone long after the call had ended, feeling very far away. The thought of going home made her knees weak.

‘You are a coward, Merrin,’ she whispered under her breath, knowing that she would heed her mum’s words and not go back to Port Charles. With this knowledge came nothing but the sweet, sweet relief that she was not going to have to face the demons that lurked around every corner, but this was followed immediately by the smack of guilt in her face.

‘Good morning, Merrin!’ Lionel said with his usual jollity. ‘I’m looking for Vanya?’