Tied With Me (With Me In Seattle)(91)

“Dating other men isn’t the answer,” Matt mutters.

“He’s in town for the week and invited me to dinner and wanted to know why I look sad.” The last few words are a whisper as I look down at my feet.

“Why are you sad, little one?”

I feel tears gather, so I cover my face with my hands and take a deep breath. “Because I miss you,” I murmur. “Matt, I owe you a big apology.”

“Lower your hands and look me in the eye.”

I comply and am shocked to see tears in his eyes when my gaze finds his. “I’m so sorry, for not being more open with you, for assuming instead of discussing. Hell, for just being an idiot in general.”

“You’re not an idiot, but I accept the apology for the rest of it.” He wipes his hand over his mouth, watching me. God, he looks amazing. His hair is a riotous mess, and his eyes look tired, but the T-shirt he’s wearing molds to his upper body, showing off every line of every muscle, and his jeans are just delicious.

I can’t stop looking at him, soaking in the sight of him.

Oh, how I’ve missed him.

“I can’t stand this.” Matt stands and pulls me to my feet then lifts me into his arms, sits on the couch and settles me in his lap. “This is better.”

I loop my arms around his neck and cling, just hugging him tightly, breathing him in.

“Talk to me, baby.”

I lean back to look into his face, gliding my fingertips down his cheeks. “I’m afraid.”

“Of what?”

I swallow and let a tear fall on my cheek.

“Ah, baby, don’t cry. It kills me.”

“I’m sorry,” I whisper. “I’m afraid that one day you’ll decide that I’m not really what you need.”

“Why would I ever decide that?” He frowns at me in confusion.

“I know it’s early, and we have a lot of time ahead of us, but when I saw you with your pregnant sisters, and all the kids in your family, it occurred to me that if we continue on the path we’re on, I’d have to admit to you sooner or later that I can’t give you those things. I don’t want you to make the decision to be with me now and then a couple years from now regret it because you want to start a family.”

“I’m not going to lie, baby. I do want a family someday. But there are other ways of having children. I would never want you to put your body through something that it’s not capable of. At the heart of it, we are you and me. This”—he wags his index finger back and forth, pointing to both of us—“doesn’t work without you. So, when we come to a place where we’re ready to add more people to this life, we’ll work together to decide how that’s going to work.”

“I know that now,” I admit shyly.

“What changed your mind?” he asks.

“Your mom came to see me today.”

“Oh God,” he groans and then chuckles. “What did she say?”

“She reminded me that family is about love, and the rest is details. She’s a smart woman.”

“Yes, she is.”

“I don’t want to lose you,” I whisper. “I love that you’re so supportive and proud of me. You encourage me to be better, and you don’t try to control every aspect of my life.

“But I also love when you go all bossy and controlling in the bedroom, and I can give that part of myself over to you and trust you to know what I need and what makes me feel good. It’s nice to have a place where I don’t have to worry.”

“Ah, baby.” He leans in and kisses my forehead tenderly. “You finally figured it out.”

“Yeah.” I nod and shrug and then bite my lip, afraid of the next question.

“What is it?”

“Can we try this again?”

“I never gave up in the first place,” he reminds me. “I have been waiting for you. And then I walk into that restaurant to pick up dinner, and I see you there with another man, and for the first time in my life, I had murderous thoughts.”

“Killing him wouldn’t have solved anything.”

“Who said I wanted to kill him?” he asks with a raised brow.

“Killing me wouldn’t solve it either.”

“I never want to feel that way again,” he whispers and hugs me closer. “I’m not typically a jealous man, Nicole, but when I saw him holding your hand, I almost lost my mind.”