Tied With Me (With Me In Seattle)(82)

“Of course I would have tried to make you stay. I love being with you.”

“I couldn’t stay.” She shakes her head and paces out into the living room, where I again follow her.

She’s not making any damn sense.

“Nic. Stop.”

She stops cold and looks at me with those wide green eyes, and my skin prickles the way it does when a case is about to go very bad.

I don’t want to hear what she’s about to say.

“We’re not going to work out, Matt.” She swallows and takes a deep breath.

“Why?” I fold my arms over my chest and lean against the wall, watching her. If she’s going to dump me, I’m not going to make it easy for her.

“You should have kids.”

I blink at her, sure I’ve misheard her. “Okay.”

“You have a big beautiful family, and you should have kids, too. Healthy kids. Lots of them.”

“Why do I feel like I’ve come in on the middle of a conversation?” I ask in frustration. “You’re not making any sense.”

“Do you want kids?” she asks desperately.

“Sure. Eventually.”

“See?” She throws her arms in a wide circle and begins to pace around the room again. “I mean, I know that talking about kids now would have most men already through the door and running down the block, but you see what I mean.”

“No, honestly, I don’t see anything at all. I have no idea what in the bloody f*ck you’re talking about.”

She sighs and scrubs her hands over her face then looks me in the eye just as a tear slips down her cheek, almost sending me to my knees.

“Baby…” I begin, but she quickly backs away with her hands up in front of her.

“Don’t.”

“You have got to talk to me, Nicole.”

“I know I just…” She combs her fingers through her sweat-dampened hair and paces around her living room, then stops and props her hands on her hips. “I can’t be with you anymore.”

“Why?”

“Because I can’t.”

“You can do better,” I growl and narrow my eyes.

“I am not what you need or want.”

I raise my eyebrows in surprise and then let out a laugh. “Have you been hanging out with me lately, Nic? ’Cause I beg to differ.”

“I need to be in control. I don’t have a rich family to fall back on if this bakery doesn’t work out. I don’t have people around me to pick up the pieces if my health fails.”

“You could.”

She stops cold and stares at me, her mouth opening and closing, and then she just gets even angrier. “Oh, so now you’re proposing? What the f*ck?”

“Nic, I need you to be very specific here. Are you saying you don’t feel anything for me?” Because if she is, she’s a motherf*cking liar.

“I feel too f*cking much!” she explodes. “I feel everything! And I’m not talking about the palm of your hand on my ass!”

“So you don’t want a kinky relationship? Is that what has you running? I felt your hesitation when I tied your hands last night.”

“No!” She drops down into her chair and hangs her head in her hands in defeat. “That’s not what I’m saying.”

“I’m so lost, I don’t know what the f*ck is happening, Nic. Work with me here.”

“I can’t give you a family, Matt. Ever.”

I frown and watch her as she raises her defeated eyes to mine. “I don’t understand.”

“I told you about my health issues.”

I nod, still trying to connect the dots.

“I can’t have babies.”

“Diabetics have healthy babies every day, Nicole.”

She shakes her head and laughs humorlessly. “I also have the PCOS.”

“The reason you’re on the pill.” I nod, remembering.

“I don’t need the pill for birth control, Matt. The PCOS is my birth control. With that combined with the diabetes, a pregnancy is not a good idea for me. If I happened to get pregnant by some miracle, the pregnancy would be high-risk and difficult.”

“Okay.” I shrug. “What does this have to do with us?”

“Have you not been listening?” She looks at me like I’m an idiot, and I scowl back at her.