This Is Not How It Ends(52)

“You don’t know what you’re saying. You have no idea what I need.”

“Don’t I? Believe me, Charlotte, I wish I didn’t know from any of this. You just have to figure out what it is you want.”

What did I want? It should have been a simple answer to a simple question. But Ben was staring down at me, looking as though he were about to kiss me again. His body bent in my direction, close, but still far enough away. There was a longing within that was inches from raising my chin and opening my lips. I was out of breath and out of words, our bodies suspended in the pull of anticipation. And then he backed away.

And I felt the letdown wash through my body. And the shame that accompanied it.

The keys to the house slipped from my hand, and they made a sharp clanging noise.

He scooped them off the floor and opened the door. The house was dark, and Sunny jumped on us, barking and braying with excitement. When I turned to thank him for getting me home, for taking me on an adventure, he was already down the steps and walking along the driveway. He wouldn’t get very far. He was inside me now.





CHAPTER 23

September 2018

I had learned not to use the term home liberally when it came to Philip’s back-and-forth. He was home, for a moment, and I plucked myself from one life and immersed myself into another.

“I think you should slow down,” I said to him the next day on Ocean Reef. We were kicking around golf balls. Well, Philip was. I was sitting in the cart, hiding from the unbearable heat and mosquitos. His thin arms poked through the sleeves of his shirt. His pants were sagging in the back with enough room for someone else to fit in there with him.

He sauntered over to my side of the cart and lifted my chin for a kiss. His lips tasted of sweat, and I kissed him back. “I’ve never felt better, Charley.” His fair hair shone in the sunlight, and his eyes were playful and lively. He hugged me, and I held him hard.

A nearby cart with two women approached, one stopping to say hello to Philip. He greeted her with an ease that reminded me of the old Philip. The one who barreled onto that plane and swept me off my feet. “Claudia!”

The woman reached his chest, but there was no mistaking her beauty. Her exotic looks could make her Israeli or Hispanic, with dark flowing hair, big brown eyes, and an enviable number of curves.

“Charley,” he began, “Claudia works for DLJ, our law firm, and I’m going to embarrass her by reminding her she’s a rising star, one of our top transactional associates. Claudia, my fiancée, Charley Myers. She’s my star, I might add.”

I reached for the woman’s hand, and she gave me a full-wattage smile that was both warm and appreciative. She didn’t blush from Philip’s compliment. It was as though she knew she was admired, but had a proper dose of humility. This was the kind of woman I imagined Philip welcoming into his life. I reached for my messy hair and hid my unpolished nails.

“This man raves about you,” she said. “My favorite abuela is Charlotte. We call her Cha Cha. I miss her, she’s still in Cuba. There must be something about that name.”

“There is,” Philip interrupted, pulling me close. “It breeds extraordinary women.”

Claudia and Philip returned to their conversation, discussing a pending deal, and then he asked what brought her to the Keys. She introduced us to her friend Simone, who was here for an engagement party. “I plan on taking advantage of the amenities while she’s at the party.”

Philip turned to me with the look on his face that meant he was up to something.

“When’s the party, Simone?”

The waify blonde said, “Tonight.”

“It’s settled. You’ll come with us, Claudia. I have someone I’d like you to meet.”

My eyes questioned Philip.

He nudged me with his elbow. “Ben!”

“Philip, that’s sweet, but Ben will kill us.”

“You’re single, yes? Ben’s a wonderful lad. Right, Charley?”

Ben? The word filled my brain and then my body. “Philip.”

“No, no, Charley, it’ll be good for him. He needs to start putting himself out there.”

I knew Ben wasn’t ready. I knew more than I could ever admit. I knew Ben didn’t like surprises or small talk. He was protective of Jimmy, and he’d never agree to this. Ever.

The words leaked from my throat. “Ben’s a good guy. You’ll like him a lot.”

Claudia hesitated. The ambush whittled away her breeziness, though I could tell she didn’t want to be rude. She fixed her eyes on mine while I nodded. “Okay then,” she said, “sounds as though we have a date. Guess I can’t litigate myself out of this one.”

Philip beamed, and my stomach flipped. “I’ll have a driver pick you up at seven,” he said. “It’s a forty-five-minute ride to our house. Dress comfortably. The restaurant is outside. And you’ll adore Ben.”

The pair drove away, and I was too stunned to speak.

“I can’t believe I hadn’t thought of that before. Claudia would be great for Goose.”

I couldn’t begin to list the reasons this was a bad idea. Ben wouldn’t like being trapped for the night. He’d complain he had to work. He’d worry about Jimmy. What Jimmy would think. Even though I knew Jimmy was ready for a female figure in both of their lives. And then there was the matter of Claudia. According to Philip, she was twenty-eight, but lots of women would hesitate to get involved with the widowed father of an eleven-year-old.