Things We Do in the Dark(21)

When he had about twenty minutes’ worth of material, he tried it out at a couple of local comedy clubs. Eventually, he was invited to perform at other venues across the US, even making a surprise appearance at the legendary Comedy Cellar in New York. Audiences loved this new Jimmy. He was older, yes, but he was also wiser, more sensitive, more self-aware, and somehow funnier in 2017 than he’d been twenty years earlier. The older fans were glad to see him back. The younger fans were delighted by his no-bullshit takes on politics. And Jimmy took shots at everybody, political affiliation be damned. A two-minute clip of one of his jokes about a democratic politician caught in an affair ended up on YouTube, where it garnered over twenty-five million views.

In early 2018, Netflix competitor Quan called, and that’s when everything changed. Jimmy decided that at sixty-eight, he was ready for a comeback. Worse, he was doing it big. The first special was called Jimmy Peralta Lives. It debuted a couple of months ago to huge numbers, and cemented Jimmy as a star once again. The second one, scheduled for release in a few weeks, will be called I Love You, Jimmy Peralta.

There was publicity. Interviews. Their wedding photo made Page Six.

“This could be an opportunity for you to capitalize on, Paris,” Zoe said. “People want to know who you are, too.”

“No, they don’t. I’m not famous.”

“But you’re famous-adjacent.” Zoe thought for a moment, then perked up. “What if you started making short videos demonstrating yoga poses? I could get you a collaboration with an apparel company. You could have your own line of yoga wear.”

Paris couldn’t think of anything she wanted less. “No thanks.”

The publicity wasn’t all good. When the news got out that Jimmy’s fifth wife was of Filipino descent, it rekindled some of the controversy from his past. A couple of weeks after the Quan deal was announced, TMZ unearthed an old stand-up video of Jimmy’s from 1990. It showed the comedian making fun of Asians … except “Asian” wasn’t the term he used. A clip of the offensive joke was posted on TMZ’s site, and was trending on Twitter within a few hours.

The next day, Paris made the mistake of answering a call on her cell from an unknown number. It turned out to be a journalist asking her how it felt to be married to a man who’d once made fun of Chinese people.

“I’m Filipino,” Paris answered. “Do all Asians look the same to you?” Before he could answer, she hung up.

When she told Jimmy about it later, he laughed. Zoe was horrified.

“Jesus Christ, Jimmy, if you made that same joke today, you’d be canceled,” Zoe said. “Instantly. You need to issue an apology. Right away.”

“Don’t you dare apologize,” Paris said to Jimmy. “Please get canceled. Maybe then they’ll leave us alone.”

Jimmy did not get canceled. He referenced the old joke at the beginning of the first special, owning up to it in a way that was funny, yet still sensitive. People forgave him. They wanted Jimmy Peralta back. But it was only a matter of time before someone from Paris’s old life saw photos of her in her new life.

The first blackmail letter arrived a month later.

Paris reaches for the cardboard box and opens it. Ripping off the tape, she begins pulling the letters out, a few at a time. A quarter of the way through, she sees it.

Lavender-colored, birthday-card-size, two Canadian stamps in the top-right corner, mailed all the way from the women’s prison in Sainte-élisabeth, Quebec. It’s from an inmate currently serving a life sentence for the murder of her lover in the early nineties. Her name is Ruby Reyes, and the media back then had nicknamed her “the Ice Queen.”

She’s also the woman whose daughter Paris killed nineteen years ago.





CHAPTER NINE


Of all the people Paris thought might track her down, she never thought it would be Ruby Reyes.

But of course they have TVs in prison, with access to shows like Entertainment Tonight, and magazines like People and Us Weekly. Sainte-élisabeth Institution is a women’s correctional facility, not a bunker. The assumption that Ruby wouldn’t be the one to find her was Paris’s first mistake.

Her second mistake was not paying her.

When the first blackmail letter arrived, it was sitting innocently in the box with the rest of her husband’s fan mail. Jimmy was busy signing photos, Zoe was sealing and stamping all the return envelopes, and neither of them noticed that Paris’s heart nearly stopped when she plucked the lavender-colored envelope from the box and saw who the sender was. Neither did they notice when she slipped it under her shirt with shaking hands before excusing herself to go to the bathroom, where she locked the door, read the letter, tore everything into pieces, and flushed it all down the toilet.

Paris rips open the new envelope and pulls out a photo and a letter handwritten on matching lavender notepaper. It was dated a week ago, which means that when Ruby wrote and mailed it, Jimmy was still alive.

Dear Paris,

I have to admit I’ve been disappointed every time the mail arrives and there’s no response from you. I understand how famous Jimmy is, now more than ever, and he must receive mail from fans all over the world. I’m looking forward to watching his new comedy special on Quan as soon as I’m out of prison, once someone teaches me how to do it (ha ha).

And yes, you read that correctly. After a whirlwind hearing filled with so much drama, the Parole Board of Canada has decided that I am no longer a danger to society. After twenty-five years in this hellhole, I’m being released from Sainte-élisabeth at the end of this month.