There's Something About Sweetie(76)

What? What? Why was she asking that? Why was she encouraging it?

“I’m so happy you asked, Sweetie!” Gita Kaki said, jumping up and going over to a rolltop desk in the corner.

Ashish turned to her and widened his eyes. “Don’t,” he mouthed.

She shrugged, like, What?

What did she mean, what? Wasn’t it obvious what? But it was too late to say anything because Gita Kaki was coming back with two pocket folders. She handed one to Ashish and the other to Sweetie. “There,” she said. “Now, that’s everything you need to get started.”

Ashish was too afraid to ask. He opened the folder instead and saw a flyer inside with a giant picture of a bright-green parrot in the center.

Your Guide to Getting Started as a Parrot Trainer!

In just six short weeks, your parrots will be ready to deliver messages around the country! Make $$$$ from the comfort of your own home! A simple investment of $6,000—



Ashish shut the folder. Without looking at Sweetie, he reached over and took her folder too. “Um, thank you, Gita Kaki. We’ll give these a closer look when we get home,” he said. “And, um, now I was wondering if we could see the parrots. You know, to see their … training potential.”

“Yes!” Smiling full throttle at him for the first time since she realized he wasn’t Rishi, Gita Kaki stood and led the way to the back room.

“She actually has the parrots here?” Sweetie whispered as they followed at a safe distance.

“Don’t ask questions,” Ashish said, sighing. “They’ll just open the doorway to Bizarro World, and you definitely don’t want to take a trip there. Believe me.”

Laughing, Sweetie held up her hands in surrender.




This was the most hilarious thing that had ever happened. Not just to her, but, like, in the history of time. Ashish the sweet, handsome, vulnerable, angsty jock had a great-aunt who wanted to enlist them in a pyramid scheme. With message-delivering parrots. Sweetie snorted again and then covered it up by coughing loudly. The look Ashish tossed her told her he didn’t buy it one bit.

The only thing she didn’t get was why Ashish wanted to see these parrots. He obviously wanted Gita Kaki to shut up about the whole thing. Shouldn’t he be discouraging her completely and changing the subject?

But before she could ask, Gita Kaki had stopped in front of a closed door and was waiting for them to catch up. They hurried down the hallway just as a phone began to ring. One hand on the doorknob, she said, “Now, Ashish, I am trusting you with these precious babies. Okay?”

“Yes, Gita Kaki,” he said solemnly, but Sweetie could hear the jubilation fizzing under his words at the thought of her leaving them. “I’ll be very careful.”

“And respectful,” Gita Kaki added. Then she waited. After a pause, during which the three of them just stared at one another, she said sternly, “Repeat it, Ashish.”

“And, um, respectful,” Ashish said in a tone that implied, I wish you and your stupid parrots would fly out the window in a cloud of green feathers and leave me alone forever.

Gita Kaki nodded once, opened the door a tad, and then hurried off in the direction of the ringing phone.

Ashish breathed a sigh of relief. “Good God, I thought she’d never leave.”

Sweetie smiled. “What? I kind of like her.”

He threw her a look, and then they walked into the room. The first thing Sweetie noticed was the odor. It was sort of chalky and pungent, and she screwed up her nose.

“Oh, yeah, I forgot how bad they smell,” Ashish said, going to open a window.

It was then that Sweetie realized what, exactly, she was looking at. It was a large room, with row upon row upon row of birdcages, each of them filled with two or three parrots. Most of them were bright green, but some of them had gorgeous, multicolored feathers—vivid reds and peacock blues and brilliant, happy yellows. They were all looking at her, cocking their heads and quietly squawking.

“Wow. These are so cool,” Sweetie said, moving closer to take a look at them. “There must be, like, fifty here.”

“Fifty-six, to be exact,” Ashish said, turning back to her. “She’s had some of these for more than twenty years. They’re like her kids; each one has a name, and she insists they all have distinctive personalities, too.”

“That’s amazing,” Sweetie breathed, reaching out to stroke one of the cage bars. “It’s kind of sad that they have to live caged, though.”

“It is,” Ashish said. “But maybe they’re happy like that. Maybe they don’t even know what they’re missing because this is all they’ve known.”

Sweetie straightened and looked at him. They studied each other in silence.

And then one of the parrots in the cage behind them, a big, beefy one, screeched, “FEED ME, DAMMIT!”

Sweetie jumped and spun around. The parrot stared at her with its beady eyes. Clapping a hand over her mouth, she began to laugh. “Oh. My. God. Did that bird just curse at me?”

Ashish laughed. “Yeah, that’s Crabby. He’s been like that for as long as I can remember. No food for you yet, Crabby,” he said to the bird. “You need to wait your turn.”

“BALLS!” the bird yelled, and Sweetie began to snort helplessly again.