The Wife Before Me(27)
She phones Rosemary one night when the solitude has become intolerable and asks why it is necessary for Nicholas to work so much overtime.
Rosemary pauses, as if considering her words carefully, and when she does speak, her surprise is palpable. ‘I don’t work with KHM anymore. It’s three weeks since I left. Didn’t Nicholas tell you?’
Elena, unable to believe she hasn’t heard this news, is shocked. ‘No! But why? What on earth happened?’
Rosemary is vague on the detail yet there is an edginess in her tone that alerts Elena’s suspicions.
‘You should ask Nicholas those questions,’ she says when Elena probes her for more details. ‘He’s in a better position than I am to explain the reasons.’
Nicholas, when he arrives home, is dismissive of her concerns. Rosemary’s attitude had become problematic, he says. Clients had complained about her work and an amicable agreement was reached to allow her to take early retirement. His eyebrows rise when Elena continues to question him and, recognising the danger signals, she changes the subject.
She plans to visit Rosemary to find out exactly what happened but Grace is cutting a tooth and has developed a rash on her face. The thought of leaving Woodbine and driving to Rathgar, where Rosemary lives, is too much of a chore at the moment. She will do it next week… or the week after… and Rosemary remains a guilty intention at the back of her mind as the months pass and the date for her delivery draws nearer.
Christopher Keogh organises his annual KHM charity auction for cancer research. At the end of the night, he thanks Elena for being so understanding about the overtime Nicholas does. The market is volatile at the moment and this has increased Nicholas’s already demanding work schedule. She knows Christopher would not lie to her. When she was younger he used to invite her and Isabelle to staff barbecues in his long back garden. Elena had never tasted anything as delicious as the home-made lemonade and ice cream that Rita, his wife, gave the children. Was it her imagination or did the sun always shine on those summer afternoons? Christopher smiles and agrees that that is also his recollection. He is considering retirement. His voice flattens. The thought of retirement holds no pleasure for him since Rita died, but – he leans towards Elena and whispers in her ear – it will advance Nicholas’s career.
‘I’m delighted he’s getting a second chance at happiness,’ he says. ‘He tells me that being with you is the best thing that’s happened to him since Amelia. You’ve been good for him, Elena. Soon, he’ll be able to add another photograph to the ones he has of you and Grace on his desk.’
* * *
Joel slides into the world as easily as his sister did. Elena folds her love effortlessly around him and Nicholas is equally enchanted with his son.
‘You’re not to worry about anything except getting your strength back,’ says Yvonne when she visits. She has moved into Woodbine to take care of Grace while Elena is in hospital. ‘I can stay for as long as it takes to get back on your feet again.’
‘It’s not necessary,’ Elena argues weakly. ‘I’ll be discharged tomorrow.’
Yvonne, her expression rapt as she gazes on her grandson, doesn’t appear to have heard her. ‘Isn’t he absolutely adorable?’
‘He’s also hungry.’ Elena stretches out her arms. ‘I need to feed him.’
‘Goodness me, have you decided on breastfeeding again? Are you sure you’re able―’
‘We’re not repeating this conversation, Yvonne. I won’t stand for it this time.’
Elena’s response is sharper than she intended and Yvonne tosses her head back, arches a shoulder.
‘I’m sorry if you think I’m interfering, my dear. I’m only thinking of your welfare. The sooner you put him on the bottle, the sooner you’ll get your life back again.’
I don’t want my life back again. Elena longs to scream the words aloud. The need to end this polite charade and tell Yvonne what she has endured comes and goes. All that is in the past, Nicholas insists. ‘A second chance at happiness,’ Christopher Keogh had said and Elena wonders if this is really possible. That awful first year, when Nicholas was unhinged by grief, is over. He has repeated this so many times to Elena, as if the force of repetition will fade the nightmare. She has to believe that change is possible.
When she is alone, she takes her son in her arms and stands at the window. Post-partum depression: the term terrifies her. Joel whimpers, then changes his mind and continues sleeping. The city winks back at her as she wills the black dog snapping at her heels again to slink away.
Fourteen
Nicholas arrives home from work late one night when Joel is two months old. Grave-faced and solicitous, he comes into the bedroom and sits on the side of the bed.
‘Hard day?’ she asks quietly.
He nods. ‘One of the toughest. How are you?’
‘Tired. Otherwise I’m fine. Have you checked Grace?’
‘I peeked. Her cheeks are flushed. Is she teething again?’
‘Looks like it. She’s been fretful all day but Joel has been an angel. What was so tough about your day?’
‘That’s what I need to talk to you about. I don’t want you to be upset but I’m―’