The Two-Family House(87)

“It’s all right,” Helen consoled her. “I think I know. You’re in love with Johnny.” After she said it out loud, Helen couldn’t remember not knowing it. Had she purposely ignored the signs for her own selfish reasons? Natalie was miserable, inconsolable, all because of a decades-old secret that Helen couldn’t bring herself to tell. What kind of mother lets her child suffer like that?

“Sweetheart,” Helen said, as Natalie’s breathing returned to normal, “it’s going to be fine. Let’s go inside—I’m getting a crick in my neck sitting here for so long. Besides, I have a few things I need to talk to you about.”





Chapter 70





NATALIE


More surprising than the fact that her mother had guessed she was in love with Johnny was the fact that she didn’t seem phased by it one bit. Was Helen really going to be so supportive of the relationship? Was it all that simple? Natalie couldn’t shake the feeling that something more was going on. Even if Helen really understood about Johnny, why wasn’t she angry that Natalie had kept her in the dark for so long? Natalie supposed she’d have to tell her mother the whole story, no matter how convoluted.

Natalie walked into the house and dropped her overnight bag in a corner by the kitchen table. Ever since she had started college, the house had felt a little bit less like home each time she visited. She unzipped her duffle and pulled out a copy of her thesis. “I thought you might like a copy.”

Helen weighed the heavy bound volume in both hands. “It’s like a book! You didn’t tell me you wrote a whole book! No wonder you’ve been working so hard.”

“It’s really just a long research paper. Maybe I’ll write a book one day. I’m not sure anyone would want to read it, though.”

Helen flipped through the pages, but the equations and explanations were indecipherable to her. “Of course people will read it. Not ordinary people like me, maybe. But mathematicians will—professors and students. I’m going to read every page, even if I don’t understand a word. Did you make a copy for Mort? He’s dying to read it.”

“I have an extra for him. I’ll bring it to him tomorrow.” Natalie took a seat at the kitchen table and ran her fingers over one of the scratches in the yellow Formica. Helen filled a kettle with water from the sink. “I’m going to make us some tea. Sol brought over some Danish yesterday. How about one of those?” At the mention of her uncle’s name, Natalie could feel herself panicking again. She was worried about how Sol and Arlene would react.

“Do you think they’re going to understand? What are they going to say?” Natalie started to tear up again. “We want … we want to get married. We tried to stop ourselves from feeling this way, we tried, but it never worked. He’s the only boy … the only man that I’ve ever loved.” Natalie wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. Helen sat down, put one arm around her and rubbed her back like she used to when Natalie was little.

When the kettle whistled, Helen jumped up to fill the mugs. She brought them to the table, along with the white bakery box. Natalie didn’t touch the Danish.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about Johnny before,” she said. “I don’t like keeping secrets from you.” When her mother didn’t reply, Natalie got nervous. Helen’s face was hard to read. She looked hopeless.

“We need to talk about Johnny,” Helen said. “We need to talk about a lot of things. After your father recovered from his first heart attack, I promised myself I would never let my … actions … hurt you or anyone. I got lucky with your father, but now … look what I’ve done. You’re being hurt, and it’s my fault.”

“Mom, you’re not making any sense. I don’t understand what you’re saying.”

Helen took Natalie’s hands in hers. “Sweetheart, I have to tell you a story. It’s a very long story about my life years ago, before you were born, before even some of your brothers were born. I need you to be patient with me. I need you to listen to the whole story before you say anything.”

“You’re scaring me.”

“Don’t be scared. Will you listen?”

“Yes.”

Natalie listened. She listened to her mother talk about her life in Brooklyn, her friendship with Rose, Rose’s marriage to Mort. “You need to understand,” Helen told her, “Mort didn’t used to be the way he is now. Honey, he used to be awful to Rose. Every time Rose had another girl, he would say such cruel things to her. He ignored the girls and Rose, just to punish her for not giving him a son.”

“I can’t imagine Uncle Mort acting that way. Judith has told me some things, but it’s so hard to believe.”

“Judith knows better than anyone.”

“You mean, because he didn’t want her to go to college?”

“Partly. Of course, everything is different now. He’s so proud of Judith and what she’s accomplished. He’s proud of you too. But I want you to understand what it used to be like for us, for Rose and for me, when we were young mothers. Uncle Mort was so jealous of your father. And Rose, she got a little bit … smaller somehow, day by day. She was afraid of disappointing him.”

“But you and Daddy weren’t like that.”