The Two-Family House(85)

“I know, I know.” Natalie rattled off a list of names without even thinking. “Charles Darwin, H. G. Wells, Edgar Allan Poe, Igor Stravinsky, Jesse James, Albert Einstein. And that’s just a few of them.”

“Wow, I guess you’ve really thought about this.”

“Of course I have. Johnny and I both have. But Arlene’s great-uncle or something married one of his first cousins and their son had some sort of birth defect. Johnny doesn’t really believe that’s what caused it, but it worries him.”

“Nat, if you love each other, that’s the most important thing. Not what might happen ten years from now and not what other people might think.”

Natalie wiped her eyes with her napkin. “You say that, but what if my mother doesn’t approve? I can’t upset her now, not so soon after my father. Judith, I don’t know what to do.”

Judith wanted to tell Natalie the truth. More than anything, she wanted to take away the burden Natalie carried. He’s not your cousin, she wanted to say. You don’t need to cry—you’re not even related. But Judith was afraid she would only be trading one burden for another. What would she say? Our mother and our aunt swapped you and Teddy when you were born? Natalie might not believe her. She might refuse to speak to her again. And even if it all went well and Natalie was able to accept what Judith told her, the secret was simply not Judith’s to tell. If Helen loved Natalie as much as Judith thought she did, shouldn’t Helen have that opportunity?

“Natalie, she’ll understand.”

“How can you be so sure?”

“I’ve known your mother a long time. She helped me back when my father used to yell at me about the books I wanted to read. She helped me when my parents didn’t want to let me go to college. She doesn’t shy away from messy situations, and she’ll help you now.” Judith didn’t trust herself to say much more. “Your mother understands how complicated life can be.”





Chapter 67





HELEN


After Abe’s first heart attack, Helen became vigilant in all matters relating to his health. She changed his favorite recipes so that he stayed on his diet. She forced him to take walks with her every day. She counted out his pills with absolute precision and made sure he didn’t stay late at work. Abe lost thirty pounds and looked ten years younger. But the fear of losing him overwhelmed her. She woke in the middle of the night to check on his breathing. She read everything she could find about heart disease. Over time, Helen began to live life partly in shadow.

Abe’s funeral was on a perfect October day. The air was crisp and the sky clear and cloudless, as blue as Abe’s eyes on their first date. It was exactly the kind of weather Abe loved. Helen knew it was ridiculous to think Abe would have enjoyed his own funeral, but as she listened to the rabbi speak about her husband, that was all she could think of: how if Abe had walked into the room right then, his face would have lit up with joy. Abe loved any kind of gathering of people. Put all the people he knew, all his family and friends and coworkers, in one room together, and Helen just knew he would have loved it. That was the thought she clung to when other thoughts became too bleak. Thinking of Abe, smiling and cheerful, was her greatest comfort.

Six months after the funeral, Helen was beginning to recover. Her sons and her grandchildren kept her busy, and Judith was a great support. Sol came over a few mornings a week to check on her, and Arlene called at least twice a day. Between her family and some of the neighborhood women who had taken an interest in her, Helen’s life was busier than ever. The only person she hadn’t seen much of was Natalie.

She understood, of course. Natalie was in her senior year of college, hard at work on her final projects and thesis. Helen wasn’t exactly sure what a “thesis” was, but Judith described it as a long research paper, the culmination of all of Natalie’s studies in mathematics. It was natural that Natalie should be spending most of her time on it. Helen called Natalie several times a week on the phone, but their conversations were always short, and Helen thought she sounded depressed.

Natalie had always been more interested in her schoolwork than her brothers, but Helen hadn’t really understood how driven she was until she started college. There was something familiar about seeing her daughter’s world widening and her ambition multiplying exponentially as the months and years of college went by. So much change and evolution in such a brief period of time, just like the first few years of Natalie’s life. For Helen, it felt like she was watching Natalie grow up all over again. Only this time Natalie wasn’t learning how to walk or speak, she was learning (she told Helen) how to think.

Abe had been there to see the majority of it. But the fact that he would not be there for Natalie’s graduation was a terrible disappointment. Helen was infuriated by the unfairness of it. He had sat through most of the performance, but he would miss the final bow.

When Natalie came home for the occasional weekend here and there, Helen worried even more. Natalie looked tired. She was painfully thin. She slept until noon and only poked at the food Helen made, even the homemade cookies. When Helen asked about her love life, Natalie seemed upset and mumbled about having no time.

The day Natalie’s thesis was due, Helen called her in the evening. She may not have entirely understood what Natalie was studying, but she wanted to congratulate her on her achievement. Natalie had mentioned that all papers were to be handed in to the department head by 4:00 p.m. and that there would be a champagne reception for the mathematics department at five. Helen checked the clock. It was almost eight-thirty. There was a possibility Natalie would be out celebrating with friends, but she wanted to try calling anyway.