The Things We Cannot Say(64)

“I get that. I really do. The kids are important but...” Wade says hesitantly, “so is Babcia, right?” When I nod, he adds softly, “It’s okay to want something that doesn’t involve me and the kids, you know. We’re all important—but damn it, Ally—so are you.”

I can’t remember the last time he said those words to me. It nearly breaks my heart to hear them—and I start to cry again. I nod at Wade through my tears, and he embraces me tightly. We stand like that for a few moments, until the chill in the air starts to get to me and I pull away from him and reach for a Kleenex to wipe my eyes. I open the door to our bedroom and step out to find some pajamas, and Wade follows me, watching silently. Once I’m dressed, he smiles gently.

“So, honey...this is happening?”

I’m reassured. I’m comforted. I feel supported now, but I’m still torn, and honestly, I’m still scared. I shrug a little.

“Can I think about it tonight?”

“Sure,” he says, then the corner of his mouth lifts and he flashes me the cheeky grin that was half the reason I fell in love with him in the first place. “I mean, you’ve already paid for flights and I’ve just splashed out a small fortune for a private guide for three days, but sure—go ahead and think about it too.”

“God,” I whisper, then I close my eyes and swallow. “Even aside from the family, I’m kind of nervous. I don’t really know what Babcia wants—not exactly. And I don’t know how to prepare Eddie for this—or even how to prepare you for the—”

“Leave Eddie to me,” Wade says.

I open my eyes and stare at him. “What would you even do with him on the days when he’s not at school?”

“I’ve already thought about that. Ideally, he’d go to school full-time, but if you’re absolutely sure he can’t deal with that—”

“He can’t.”

“Then I’ll take him to the office with me.”

Once upon a time I desperately wanted Wade to take Eddie to work for a visit, but Wade was determined all along that it was just too risky—he has a very large, chaotic office full of towering stacks of paperwork and heavy reference books—and it’s in an industrial research complex that he insisted was fraught with danger. Callie has visited Wade at work several times. Eddie has not. That was Wade’s decision all along.

“But—”

“I know, Alice,” he interrupts me, abruptly. I fall silent. “I know I said it was a bad idea when you asked me in the past, but I’ve really thought about it tonight, and we can make it work. I want to push him a little this week, to get him out of his comfort zone.”

It’s late. We’re both exhausted. We stare at each other, and I can tell we’re both desperately trying to stop this from disintegrating into a fight. Even with the tension, this is still a more honest argument than any we’ve had in recent history, which have always been littered with passive-aggressive taunts and hints.

“Let’s view this as a question of science,” Wade says, a little lighter now. “My theory is that Eddie and I can get on just fine this week if we bend some of your rules. If the experiment is a failure, we’ll dismiss the theory and I’ll admit we need to do things your way. Maybe I’ll understand a little better why you’re so rigid about how his routine works. Okay?”

“I feel like I might not have a choice.”

“Well, Ally Michaels,” Wade sighs, and he cups my face in his hands to stare down at me tenderly. “One way or another, we will all survive. You, me, Callie...and yes, even Edison.” He bends and kisses me gently, then rests his forehead against mine. “I love you.”

Despite the tension between us, despite the distance in these recent years—I know that Wade loves me, and I know that I love Wade. Sometimes I also kind of hate him, but mostly, I love him. That’s marriage sometimes. That’s just the way it is; the years can’t all be kind, because life isn’t always kind. We’ve been in a rough patch—a very rough patch—but I know we’re still walking on the same path. I nod slowly, and a smile breaks over his face.

“I love you too,” I whisper, then I kiss him hard. “I love you so much Wade, and I always will. No matter what else happens in our life, please don’t ever doubt it again.”

“Come to bed,” he whispers, tugging at my hand as he turns away.

Last night, that very same suggestive tone felt like a burden and it made me furious.

Tonight, I can’t wait to reconnect with him, and I’m glad to let him lead the way.



CHAPTER 20

Alina


It was completely dark when the hesitant knock came at the door, and I held my breath when Father opened it. Tomasz stood on the stoop, his tattered hat against his chest, his eyes downcast.

Mama pushed Father out of the way, then she grabbed Tomasz by the shoulders and she held him away from her, staring at him in horror.

“Tomasz Slaski!” she gasped. “You are skin and bones. Sit.” She clucked her tongue, then pushed him toward the table. “What have you been doing with the bread I’ve been sending with Alina? Not sharing it all with our Jewish brothers and sisters?”

“My friend’s wife had a baby...” he said weakly as he sank into one of the chairs. “I have been giving her every mouthful I could spare.”