The Things We Cannot Say(46)

I was aware that I would be stealing food from my mother—who was likely stealing food from the Nazis—but I was far more terrified of Mama than I was of the invaders, and that was saying something. The first time I passed Tomasz a cup of scraps from my dinner, the flare of sheer hunger in his gaze was worth the terror I’d felt squirreling the food away.

“How did you get this?”

“From my dinner,” I said. He hesitated, and I waved toward the food. “Please, Tomasz. Go ahead—I had plenty.”

He laughed incredulously.

“Alina Dziak. There has not been plenty in this country since the occupation began. Don’t lie to me. You’re skin and bones.”

“Please, eat it. I get two or even three meals a day most of the time—it’s not luxurious, but I’m surviving. But you...” I wasn’t sure how to draw attention to his rapidly fading physique without being cruel, so after a pause, I simply took his hand in mine, and I whispered, “Tomasz, I’m scared for you. You can’t keep going like this. I don’t know what you’re doing, and you clearly don’t want to tell me. But surely it involves a lot of sneaking around, and a lot of trying to keep your wits about you. Let me at least give you the scraps from the scraps they give us.”

He picked up a chunk of bread and sniffed it, almost suspiciously. Then he tossed it into his mouth and his eyes widened.

“I am fairly sure the Nazis aren’t giving you strawberry jam with your bread,” he said cautiously, and I shrugged.

“You aren’t the only person in this district undertaking covert activities. Mama seems to have a mysterious hidden store somewhere.”

“I’ll do you a deal, darling Alina,” Tomasz said thoughtfully as he took some potato from the cup. “If you can spare me some food, I’ll eat half of it, and pass the rest on to my friends. Is that okay?”

“But there’s barely any food here, even for you,” I whispered desperately. “Please, can you just eat this, and tomorrow, I’ll try to get more food for your friends.”

“Well, if there’s a way for you to do that without endangering your sneaky mama or yourself, then—”

My bedroom door flew open just then, and Father was there in my doorway—bleary-eyed and frowning.

“Alina,” he said flatly. “Who on earth are you talking to?”

I looked frantically to the window, but Tomasz was gone. Instead, I looked up to the sky and as I started to desperately pray for a convincing lie, I realized I already had one.

“I was praying,” I said.

“Praying,” my father repeated, without any attempt to hide his suspicion.

“Yes. Praying. For Tomasz.”

Father frowned a little harder.

“Go to sleep,” he said. “We have a lot of work to do tomorrow.” He took a step back toward the open area, then hesitated. “Leave the door open.”

I climbed quickly into bed, my heart racing, my gaze on the window. Tomasz didn’t come back—but in the morning, the empty cup had been nestled back through the window and tucked into my bedding.

The night after my father caught us talking, Tomasz came to the window as he had been doing, but he was wearing a heavy frown. I knew before he spoke that he was coming to say goodbye.

“I’m so sorry,” he whispered. “It was risky—we knew it was risky. I...”

“No, I’m sorry,” I whispered back. “I was careless—I was too loud. I promise I’ll be more careful.”

He sighed, then pinched the bridge of his nose. Anxiety was radiating off him, and when I reached through the window to rest my hand against his shoulder, I felt his tension in my own body. Tomasz leaned toward me and kissed my cheek.

“Alina, this isn’t smart anymore,” he whispered miserably. “We can’t keep doing this.”

I bit my lip.

“But how else can I see you? Perhaps we could just tell Mama and Father—”

“No!” he interrupted me, his voice a desperate whisper. “No, they can’t know, Alina. They can’t—It’s bad enough that you know I’m here. This isn’t safe. You know that, don’t you?”

“How can I know that? I don’t even understand what you did.”

He sighed and shot me a pleading look.

“If we tell your parents, I don’t think they’ll allow us to see each other anymore.”

“Of course they will!”

“Alina...” he said, very gently. “Please trust me, moje wszystko. Your parents love you and they will want to keep you safe. And there is nothing safe about you meeting with me.”

“But...”

“Even if I am wrong, and they are supportive of us still seeing each other, it is just too risky to let anyone else in on our secret. If anyone finds out I’m visiting with you...” He raised his chin, then looked right into my eyes. “I don’t care what happens to me. I really don’t. But if anything happens to you because of me? I couldn’t...” He trailed off then, his eyes on my bedroom door.

“I’ll find a way to come see you during the day. Would that be better? If I met you in the woods instead?”

“In the daylight?” he said this as if the suggestion was absurd, but I shrugged.