The Things I Know(34)

‘I’m worried you’ll get into trouble for not going to your work thing. I mean, isn’t that why they sent you down here in the first place?’

‘Yes and yes.’ He pulled his head in from the window and looked at her. ‘That is why they sent me down here, and my boss Mr Jenks has already sent me lots of texts.’ He didn’t seem overly perturbed.

‘Oh God! What do they say?’ She watched as he reached into his trouser pocket and pulled out his phone, pressing in the code and scrolling through the texts with his thumb.

‘I’ll read them in order.’ He paused and gave a small cough before reading them aloud.

ARE YOU RUNNING LATE GRAYSON? IF SO NO WORRIES, I CAN HOLD THE FORT FOR TEN MINUTES OR SO.

WHERE ARE YOU, GRAYSON?

PICK UP YOUR PHONE!

IS THERE A PROBLEM I SHOULD KNOW ABOUT? SHOULD I BE CONCERNED OR MERELY PISSED OFF!

OKAY, POTTS. CALL ME OR GET YOUR SORRY BUTT OVER HERE IN THE NEXT TEN MINUTES OR THERE WILL BE FALLOUT. WTF?

‘And finally . . .’

ARE YOU KIDDING ME RIGHT NOW?

‘Oh my God! He sounds really mad! What did you say to him?’ She felt the mild rumble of guilt that she was the cause of this discord and was at the same time absurdly flattered.

‘I didn’t say anything to him. I haven’t called him yet. I’ll go and see him when I get back to London.’

‘Might he fire you?’

‘Yes,’ Grayson said with a nod, ‘but he probably won’t.’

‘God! That would be terrible if you lost your job just so we could hang out for a day.’

‘I would lose my job for less than that,’ he said, looking at her, ‘but I make them a lot of money. I make myself a lot of money too, but I make them a fortune and I don’t think they would fire me because of one day. Jenks will probably just shout at me a bit.’

‘I’d hate that, knowing someone was waiting to shout at me.’

‘Me too, but to be honest, an hour, five minutes, any time with you would be worth it.’

Hitch felt the blush bloom on her cheeks. ‘You say the nicest things to me, Grayson. And tomorrow you will leave, head back to your noisy night-times and your flat with a cage and your shouty boss who wants to know your magic trick.’

‘I don’t want to think about that right now, Thomasina. I don’t want to think about work or Mr Jenks or going home. It will spoil the day for me.’

She liked his sweet, honest way of putting things. ‘I get that – it would spoil the day for me too.’

Tomorrow . . . You will leave tomorrow, go back to your big city with its hard surfaces, nowhere soft to sit and your murderous neighbour who stands outside without shoes, and I’ll be stuck here with my girls . . . and Emery.

‘Where are we going?’ he asked, sitting back in the seat.

‘Chew Valley Lake – it’s a lovely spot and we get to walk around it then have the best fish and chips you’ve ever tasted at Salt & Malt – are you up for that?’

‘I am. I never walk for the sake of walking.’

‘But you do walk?’

‘Yes, but it’s always walking to get somewhere or from the station to the office and back again. I never think of going for a walk in a circle just to walk.’

‘I walk a lot,’ Hitch said, picturing the lonely miles she covered in her heavy boots. She walked in all weathers with Buddy lumbering at her side or racing ahead as she pounded the earth, trying to sort through her jumble of thoughts. ‘It helps me think.’

‘What do you think about?’

She paused and tried to rank the thoughts that occupied her mind. ‘Lots of things. I think about what it might be like if we lose the farm—’

‘Lose it how?’ he interrupted her, asking with a crease of confusion at the top of his nose.

‘I mean if my dad has to sell it. Things are tough for us right now – in fact, not just right now, they’ve been tough for a while, and so when I walk I try to imagine a life where I wake up somewhere else, in a world where I might have to do different work and where my chickens might have to live somewhere else.’

‘Can you imagine that?’

She shook her head. ‘No. No, I can’t.’

‘You love your chickens.’

‘I do, Grayson. I really do.’

He seemed to let this permeate before asking, ‘What else do you think about?’

‘Well, I think about what my life might be like if we don’t sell the farm. I think about the time passing by faster and faster each year and I think about waking up one day and suddenly I’m the same age as my mum is now and everything is as it has always been. I’m older, but still walking the fields, feeding the animals, chatting to my chickens and clearing up shit, and nothing has changed for me. Nothing at all.’ She gripped the steering wheel.

Grayson turned in his seat to look at her. ‘Thomasina?’

‘Yes?’

‘I’m thinking about what you said and I’m not sure if losing the farm would make you sad or if staying on the farm would make you sad.’

She smiled at his accurate summary. ‘The truth is, I’m not sure either.’ It felt good to be able to talk this openly about the emotional subject to someone who had no vested interest either way. ‘I guess I don’t want to have the decision made for me about whether I stay or go. Selfishly, I suppose, I want to know the farm is there, just as it has always been. I love it,’ she said with passion, ‘but I don’t want my parents to struggle, and it feels like they’ve run out of ideas or luck. And I definitely don’t want to be there with Emery, and I couldn’t be there alone with him after my parents . . .’ She swallowed.