The Taste of Ginger(66)

She raised an eyebrow and looked up at me. “Secrets between siblings? Who could dare imagine such a thing with you two?” she said snidely.

“We’re going through a bit of a rough patch,” I confessed, my eyes trained on her to watch her reaction.

She put her pen down next to her. It wasn’t capped, and the blue ink slowly seeped into the rajai beneath her.

“About what?”

I shook my head. “I’m not really sure. Maybe about you . . . I mean the situation with you. Maybe about more.” I sighed. “Maybe about a lot more. It’s hard to say.”

“Well, I guess that’s fair,” she said.

“Why do you say that?”

“Because I’ve lost count of the number of fights he and I have had about you or your family. It’s probably time the tables were turned and you had one about me.”

I met her eyes. “You’re right. It’s probably fair.”

“What about me sparked this?”

I was so used to thinking several steps ahead and being careful with what I said—it had been my assimilation and legal training after all—but I knew in this situation, transparency was the only way to move forward.

“When he wanted to go back home and go back to work and leave you here, I told him he couldn’t do that. That it wasn’t fair to you, and you might never forgive him.”

Her eyes narrowed. “You told him to stay? Why would you do that?”

I sighed and slumped in my chair. “I may not say this often, but you guys are good together.”

“Since when did you become so supportive?” she said, an unmistakable edge to her tone.

Her words stung. I’m sure Dipti had sensed from the very beginning that I didn’t understand why Neel had chosen her, but it was something she and I had never spoken about openly. We were always cordial to each other, but there was a difference between cordial and comfortable.

“I’m sorry,” I said, my voice heavy.

And I was. For keeping my distance. For resenting her for taking Neel away from me. For not realizing she might have needed me. For having a long face at her baby shower. For all the pain she felt at losing the baby. For the distance that was growing between Neel and her. For not realizing what a strong person she was to be able to put one foot in front of the other with all that had happened.

“It’s okay.” She sounded deflated. “I shouldn’t have said that.”

I gingerly touched her arm. “No, you were right to say it. And you would have been right to say it years earlier. I saw you as the person who took Neel away from me, and I couldn’t get past that. It wasn’t right of me.”

“You know, when I first met Neel, one of the things I loved most was that he came from a family. Two parents, a sister, a childhood home. It was what I had always wanted after I lost my mother.”

I swallowed the lump that had formed in my throat. “Even after you saw our dysfunctional mess?”

“Every family is dysfunctional in its own way.”

“Maybe you’re right, but sometimes it seems like we’re on the far end of the spectrum.”

Without any malice left in her voice, she said, “I don’t blame you, by the way. For not accepting me when Neel first introduced me. You two grew up very close. I know you felt like I was encroaching on that. The funny thing was that I wanted to be as close to you as Neel was. I wanted to know what it felt like to have a sister.”

“I am really sorry.” I hung my head. “It’s no secret that Mom and I have always butted heads. Then you swooped in, and it looked so easy for you to get along with her.” I sighed. “It made me realize she’s not difficult with everyone—just with me.”

“It’s because I had to try harder than you. Look at the baby shower. Do you think I liked being tucked into a sari and forcing polite conversation with all of her friends?” she said. “I was so jealous that you got to hide behind your camera.”

It had never dawned on me that Dipti had been putting on an act when it came to appeasing my mother. She had made it all look so natural. “You should have told her that. Or me. I would’ve told her for you.”

She shook her head. “I don’t have the benefit of the unconditional love that comes from being her actual daughter, like you do. If I had talked back to her, she’d remember it forever, so I held my tongue. And it’s not as though I hated doing those things. For me, it’s more important to feel like I have family than to argue about little things.”

“Why are you telling me this now?”

“So far in life I’ve lost my mother and my daughter. I don’t want to lose my only sister too.”

I hesitated a moment, my mind reeling from the power of her simple statement.

“I’m sorry I haven’t been better. I hate to admit it, but I was jealous, and it was easier to ignore you.”

She smiled ruefully. “Let’s agree to forget the past and focus on the future.”

“Does that mean you’ll come back home?” I asked. “Neel needs you. We all do. And if you let us, we can be there for you and get through this as a family.”

She glanced around the room. “I’m not sure if I’m ready yet.”

I nodded but heard less resolve in her voice than on my past visit. “Okay. But when you are, please know I’ll be there for you. Not like the past, but the way it should always have been.”