The Taste of Ginger(64)

I’d tried to get information out of him about his dating history, but it seemed he didn’t have much of one, or what he did have, he wasn’t willing to share with me.

As we continued to talk and laugh, I couldn’t help but think about how easily I’d been able to open up to him from the start. His family was great, and would welcome me without reservation, just as mine would him. A classic “suggestion marriage.”

The restaurant was not too far from Lakshmi, so I suggested walking home rather than hailing a ricksha. I was in no rush to get back to the bungalow and the judging eyes. The cool night air felt refreshing against my skin. When we got to the entrance of my subdivision, two cows were standing in front of it, sniffing through some garbage lying along the outer wall.

We stood outside, casually chatting. I’m not sure if it was the darkness, or the random cows, or the fact that I’d just had a great conversation with him, or just that for the first time in weeks we were alone with no one watching us, but I looked at him, captivated by his full lips. I rose to my tiptoes and leaned in to kiss him. Maybe learning Alex had moved on was the last thing I needed to finally leave that pain behind and move toward something good, toward someone like Biren.

What I hadn’t expected was that his eyes would bulge out and he would stumble backward. The cows were startled by the commotion and moved away from the entrance, ambling down the road.

“Oh, jeez.” I took a step back. “I’m sorry. It’s been a weird—”

“No, no. It’s not—”

“—day. I shouldn’t have—”

“—your fault.”

We both took a breath. Then he said, “Let me explain.”

I moved toward the subdivision so I could retreat to the safety of the house. “You really don’t have to. I’m sorry! I just thought, I mean, it seems like we have a lot in common, but—”

He reached over and grabbed my wrist, forcing me to face him.

“Preeti, I’m gay.”





28


I slapped my palm against my forehead. “I am an idiot.”

It was as if the clouds had parted and sun was streaming into my mind. How could I have ignored it? It explained why he avoided talking about dating and had only vague answers to give. Why, whenever the aunties had talked about setting him up at the wedding, he deflected and changed the subject or excused himself to take care of some task. Maybe I had needed to believe, however briefly, that I could live the life my parents and relatives wanted for me. That Neel and Dipti’s story could be mine.

I looked at him and laughed. The kind of laugh that came from my gut and shook my entire body. The kind I hadn’t had in months. The kind that had the power to release the months of tension I’d been carrying.

He seemed amused, rather than horrified. “I’m glad you think that’s funny.”

I waved my hands. “No, no. I don’t at all. I just think I’m a giant idiot.” My stomach hurt from the laughter, and I had to put my hands on my knees. “God, if you could have seen the look on your face as I moved toward you!” I barely got the words out before dissolving into another fit.

“I’m sorry, but I thought you knew. It took me by surprise when it became clear you didn’t!”

“Why would I have known?”

“You’re from California. Don’t you lot think everyone is gay?”

He had a point.

After collecting ourselves, we looked at each other anew. There was an openness and honesty that immediately replaced the pressure of knowing my family wanted us to be married. Obviously, that would never happen. Knowing that would make our friendship much more natural.

“I’m really sorry. I hope you weren’t too traumatized.”

“Just don’t do it again, and we’re good.”

I extended my hand to shake his. “Deal.”

Turning serious, he said, “I’m sure you can imagine that I haven’t told anyone, and you can’t either.”

I nodded solemnly. “I get it. I wish I’d realized sooner. But I know you ultimately have to share something so personal on your own timeline, and I’m glad you felt comfortable sharing it with me now. Does your family know?”

He shook his head. “They’d be so ashamed. And they would blame themselves for moving me to Australia. They and their friends think being gay is a Western influence that wouldn’t otherwise exist.”

“Really? Your father seems so understanding. And he helps so many marginalized people through his charity work.”

Even in the darkness, I could see his expression cloud over. “It’s easy for him to deal with a problem he’s completely detached from. I’ve tried to tell him before, but it’s almost like he suspects and always finds an excuse to change the subject. If I say the words out loud, then he can’t ignore them.”

It was hard for me to reconcile these two sides of Anand Uncle: one that had an open heart to strangers in need but then could not find that same compassion for his own son. But Biren certainly knew him better than I did.

“What does that mean for you? You have to tell your family someday, right?” I said.

“No, I can’t tell them.” He ran his fingers through his hair. “I will have to keep telling them that I haven’t found the right ‘girl’ yet. That’s an easier situation for them to handle than the truth. Better to be seen as ‘too picky’ than as gay. And anything else is too dangerous. It’s far too risky to be open about sexuality here.”