The Taste of Ginger(29)

“Of course I don’t have a trust fund,” I said, thinking of the savings I had spent the last four years building. It was enough to live on for six months but not for a lifetime, which was the same concern I’d had when Alex wanted me to move to New York with him. Maybe she’s right. Maybe I should call Jared back. Even if I’d hit glass ceilings, I’d get paid while doing it.

I took a deep breath. “I’ll figure it out before I run out of money . . .”

Suddenly, Carrie’s expression changed, and her face lit up as if she had solved a puzzle. “This isn’t about money! You really think this is how you’re going to win him back, don’t you?”

She’d been my best friend for years and could probably predict my actions better than I could. Other than Neel, she probably knew me better than anyone else. I’d be lying if I said that I hadn’t wondered if pursuing passion instead of paychecks would lead Alex back into my life. Prove to him that I could give him what he’d wanted. Our conversation at the airport had made me miss him terribly, and with all the heightened emotion of the past few days, I found myself craving the closeness he and I had once had.

“That’s not why I’m doing this,” I said boldly, my voice not revealing that I wondered if she was right.

“I know you’ve been through a lot in a short period of time, but it is crazy to be making such life-altering decisions in this state.” She threw up her hands. “It just seems like you’re running away.”

“I’m not running away,” I said.

I couldn’t understand why she was so bothered. For years, we’d fantasized about what we would do if our hefty loans didn’t require us to practice law. Open a patisserie, become a diplomat, figure out if we had what it took to write a novel. The possibilities seemed endless. It was one of our favorite pastimes while working late at the office, yet now that I was actually stepping away from big-firm life, she could not muster even a modicum of support.

Even with an entire hemisphere separating us, it still felt like she was in the room sitting across from me. We both stared at each other on the screen, unsure of what to say next.

Finally, she said, “Just make sure you think about this. I’m certain whatever you said to Jared can still be undone. Narcissists love a good crawl back. But the longer you wait, the harder it will be.”

“I’ll think about it.”

And I would. Leaving my job was the opposite of being practical, which was what I’d done for my entire life. A conservative financial nature was one of the few attributes in life that my parents and I shared. “Save for a rainy day,” they’d always said. And up until now, I had acted accordingly, believing that was the right way. Hearing Carrie’s reaction made me further doubt myself. I hadn’t been willing to make this decision a few months ago when my heart was also on the line, so what was different now?

To help her understand, and maybe even to convince myself, I said, “Even if I wanted to come back now, I couldn’t. With everything that has happened with Neel and Dipti, I need to be here.” After a long pause, I said, “With my family. And Jared made clear that staying any longer wasn’t an option.”

Saying the words aloud, putting my family before my job, was new ground for me. In some ways, Carrie was right that I should go back to the life I knew. Even if I started prioritizing my family above my job, there was no guarantee that they were ready to accept that from me. People fell into patterns, and they had gotten used to limited contact with me as much as I had with them.

She sighed. “It’s probably good for you to sort out whatever you need to with your family. Just remember you have family here too.”

Her words made me smile. Carrie was my family in the way I’d often wished my parents had been. Open, honest, not afraid of disagreeing with my decisions, but still always supportive. Like she was doing right now. Both of us knew that regardless of those choices, we were still there for each other.

“Don’t worry. I’ll be back right after the wedding. Job hunting, so I don’t burn through all of my savings!” I sipped from the cold bottle of Limca I had brought up with me before the call.

“Okay. I’ll talk some sense into you then.” She glanced down at her watch. “Crap. I have a conference call starting. I’ll tell Jared you’ve been going through hell and need some space to sort things out . . . temporary insanity, or whatever. Just in case you change your mind.”

I managed a small laugh. “Thanks. But I think it’s done.”

The conversation ended on a more lighthearted note than it had begun, but I couldn’t stop my thoughts from wandering to the last weekend my parents had visited LA. They had come seven months ago to meet Alex for the first time. And I hadn’t known that the weekend would be the beginning of the end for my relationship with Alex and my parents.

I didn’t realize my mother was standing in the doorway to my bedroom at Lakshmi until she moved her arm and the jingling of her bangles caught my attention.

“What’s wrong?” she asked.

I’m not sure if it was the stress of the past few days or the jet lag, but I answered her honestly, something I rarely did because it wasn’t worth the fight. Today, I didn’t care.

“I was just thinking about how hurt I was when you left my apartment in LA.”