The Taste of Ginger(28)
I paused for a moment, thinking about what it might feel like to not worry about what I would write on my time sheet for every six-minute increment of my day and start living them instead.
I knew it would be difficult to explain to my parents what I’d done, but the adrenaline was still pulsing through me, and I said, “Yeah, I’m sure.”
And I was. Or at least I would be after I called Carrie. That phone call would be difficult because we had been each other’s rock for our entire time at the firm. I couldn’t imagine ever being there without her, and I knew she felt the same way.
“You’re in no rush to head back, then?” he asked.
“I suppose not,” I said.
I glanced around the room and saw my mother passing out chai from a serving tray, her stoic face masking the pain I knew was simmering beneath the surface. I saw my father chanting prayers in a circle with the other men, looking like he belonged in a way he never had back in America. Dipti had come downstairs, and Neel was now seated next to her at the end of the large L-shaped sofa. Their body language was distant despite their proximity. It was subtle, something that would go unnoticed by everyone else in the room, but the photographer in me had always been an active observer, and I could tell there was an unspoken barrier between them. In this crowded house, it was difficult to find private time, but I’d have to make sure to pull Neel aside at some point because, while he was putting on an award-winning performance, I wasn’t buying it. And now I could focus on him without any distraction from Jared.
13
After returning from a long walk the following morning, I anxiously bounced my foot while I waited for the countless pixels to conjure up the image of my best friend.
“Is this thing working?” Carrie said as she tapped the screen, her red hair swinging forward as she leaned in.
“Can you see me?” I asked.
“There you are. Finally, a fun use for this fancy video-conferencing software the firm installed.” She leaned toward the screen, close enough for me to spot the faint freckles on her nose and cheeks. “So, what is going on? I haven’t heard from you since I dropped you off at the airport. The Warden is losing his mind.”
Hearing her voice and being able to see her through the computer screen was so comforting. “I know. This has been the most intense week of my life.” My voice caught in my throat, and I couldn’t get out any more words.
Carrie twirled a pen in her fingers like a tiny baton. “Jared was asking me when you’re coming back. I covered and said it was a huge family emergency and there was no internet access where you were. I’ve been dodging him the last couple days so he can’t keep asking.”
I exhaled slowly. “I don’t think he’ll be asking you anymore.”
“What do you mean?”
I wasn’t sure how to break it to her. In many ways, I felt like I was abandoning her. We’d been in the trenches together since we started as summer associates all those years ago and had been inseparable since.
“Jared and I spoke yesterday. I’m not coming back.”
Carrie’s jaw fell slack. “Ever? Did that asshole fire you over this? There are laws to prevent this type—”
“He didn’t fire me,” I said. “I quit. Yesterday was my niece’s funeral, and I was sitting in a room full of grieving people, and this guy caught me checking emails on my phone. I was thinking about a brief and hoping I could write it as soon as everyone left. The look on his face said it all. I don’t want to be that person anymore.”
“Niece’s funeral?” Carrie said softly, putting the pen down. “So that means . . .”
I nodded. “They lost the baby. That’s why I haven’t been able to reach out sooner. Between being at the hospital and then making arrangements, there hasn’t been a moment of privacy.”
“But Neel and Dipti are okay?”
Again, I nodded. “Thankfully.” I cocked my head. “Well, physically anyway. It’s been awful watching them go through this and seeing what it is doing to them.” I filled her in on the events since I had arrived, including Neel’s choice to save Dipti and her reaction after the fact. Carrie leaned forward, rapt with attention, and let out a low whistle afterward.
“I don’t know how a person emotionally recovers from something like this. It makes everything I’ve been worried about for the past few months seem insignificant,” I said.
Carrie nodded. “Agreed, but doesn’t quitting seem a little extreme? You’re going to need a job when you get back, and this one isn’t perfect, but at least it pays the bills.”
“My cousin’s wedding starts in a few days and will last a week, so I’m staying through that. He asked me to be the family photographer for the ceremonies leading up to the day, so I kind of have to.” I paused for a moment and fiddled with the lens cap on my camera, excited to be using it again and hoping I wouldn’t let Hari down. “I’ll head back after that. After all, I need to dust off my résumé and find a job!”
“Look, it’s fine if you want to leave the firm. Let’s be honest—we all do. But you’re not going to prove anything to anyone by taking the moral high ground. People like Jared are so stuck on themselves that they won’t even notice you did that. And you know better than anyone that it’s easier to find a job with a job. Unless you somehow inherited a trust fund that will outlive you . . . this just seems totally unlike you.”