The Summer of Sunshine and Margot(46)

Bianca shifted so her feet were on the floor, then glared at her. “You don’t know what it’s like for me. I love Wesley and I want to make him happy, but none of this is easy. People have expectations and I’m not always going to meet them. In my regular life, I don’t care, but this is different. I want to get it right, but the rules are so arbitrary.”

“Of course they are.” Margot relaxed. “Everyone assumes formal place settings come from England, but they are in fact from Russia. Who would have thought? And how on earth did we decide it was important to have wineglasses in a certain order? What if you don’t drink wine or don’t like or want white wine?”

“Then what’s the point?”

“Rules and social conventions provide order. In diplomatic situations, when tensions are running high about a treaty or a conflict, conventions are a framework in which to work. Everyone knows their place and what’s expected. Rules help people avoid making mistakes. You’re thinking of all that I’m teaching you as a constraint to who you are as a person. But that’s not what they’re for. They’re meant to help you. Like railings on a staircase, or seat belts. If you need them, they’ll be there, even if you’re not paying attention to what’s going on.”

Bianca didn’t look convinced.

Margot got up and walked over to the small refrigerator in the bookcase and got them each a bottle of flavored water. “I think I mentioned before that my great-grandmother started a charm school back in the 1960s, in a tiny town you’ve never heard of. In a matter of a couple of years, she had gotten two of her girls into major pageants and they were making the finals.”

“I know all this.” Bianca sounded impatient.

Margot ignored her. “All she wanted her entire life was one Miss America winner. It was her dream and why wouldn’t it be? To have just one of her students win the crown would have validated her entire life’s work. Sunshine and I were her last hope.”

Bianca raised her eyebrows. “Sunshine, your sister?”

Margot nodded.

“She’s a beautiful woman but she’s not...”

Margot grinned. “Beauty queen material? It’s okay, you can say it. Sunshine wanted it, but she wasn’t the right height or body type. We could all see that. So it fell to me.”

Margot still remembered the sense of dread when her great-grandmother had told her what was expected. Margot had been thirteen and still growing. She was socially awkward and shy and the last thing on the planet she wanted was to be in front of any kind of crowd.

“The first time I got up on the practice stage, I threw up,” she said cheerfully. “It happened regularly for the better part of a year. I also fainted and broke out in hives more than once. I became incoherent, I had no talent and I couldn’t get the bathing suit walk. People think being in a beauty pageant is about nothing more than being pretty and having a great body. That’s just plain wrong. You need public speaking skills, a platform, goals, achievements and more determination than I’ve ever been able to muster in my life. I broke Francine’s heart. She kept saying if I really wanted it, I could do it. And she was right.”

Bianca looked surprised. “You were throwing up?”

“I was, but I probably could have worked through that. The thing is, I didn’t want it at all. It wasn’t for me. To be successful at something, you have to want it for yourself, not someone else. You have to be willing to do the work. You have to see the benefit in the hours of practice and you have to be willing to fail over and over again. You need determination and an iron will.”

She looked at her client. “Bianca, why are you doing this? You’re a beautiful, funny, charming woman who is beloved by everyone who knows you. Why on earth do you want to change?”

Tears filled her eyes. “I love Wesley.”

“I know you do and he loves you and he’s never once asked you to be anything but who you are.”

“You can’t know that.”

“Yes, I can. I’ve seen how he looks at you. Last night, with the soup, he was laughing the hardest. He adores you. So why am I here?”

Bianca brushed away tears. “I want to be different. I want to be strong. I want to know what to do around those people. They’re going to judge me. All of them. I know they are.”

And there it was, Margot thought in relief. The real reason for the transformation. It wasn’t about Wesley losing his job at all—it was about her own fears.

“That’s better,” she said. “So much better. Now we have something to work with. Doing this kind of work for yourself is so much smarter than doing it for someone else. Let’s figure out what you want, what works for you and make it stick. Because I want you strong, too. I want you to dazzle them and make every single person want to be you.”

“You can do that?”

“No. But you can. We’ll keep working and modifying as we go. We’ll work on what you’re most nervous about and get you comfortable. It’s not that hard. It’s just a matter of figuring out the right railing for your staircase.”

“I want to believe you. I love Wesley and I know he’s fine with who I am, but I really don’t want his career to suffer because of me. Plus, it’s just so hard when I’m around those people. They all went to college and have five degrees and I’m just some has-been actress with a great body.”