The Strange and Beautiful Sorrows of Ava Lavender(57)

My mother nodded, cleared her throat. “Yes. Well, thank you for finding him,” she murmured. She turned and began collecting the scattered maps from the table. “We’ll be out of your way in just a minute.”

From out of the corner of her eye, she saw Jack’s face fall.

“You don’t have to go right away,” he said in a rush. “I could get Rita to make up something to eat. It’s really no trouble.” He walked up behind her, stopping so close that the toes of his shoes lightly touched the backs of her heels. “It’s just so good to see you,” he said, his voice cracking.

Viviane turned around. He smiled, revealing the gap between his teeth that haunted Viviane’s dreams.

“Listen, I —” He paused. He pointed to Henry. “He’s mine, isn’t he?”

Viviane froze, then nodded. Yes. He was his. So was she, come to think of it. For fifteen years, in fact, she had been his.

“God, Viviane!” Jack exclaimed. “I have a son. You have no idea how exciting this is!” He reached over to ruffle Henry’s hair. Henry cringed and pulled away. “He looks exactly like me, doesn’t he?”

“He doesn’t like to be touched,” Viviane explained softly.

Jack seemed not to hear her. He turned suddenly and took her face in his hands. “I think about you all the time. You have to believe that. I think about you every day.” Viviane’s face turned a glorious pink at his touch. She closed her eyes and breathed in deeply, delighted to find that he still smelled of soap and Turtle Wax.

“No one has ever loved me the way you did, Vivi. And the thought of you having to raise our son all alone . . .”

Vivi? Viviane looked up sharply. There was only one person who called her Vivi, and that was Gabe. Hearing Gabe’s nickname for her — just for her — in Jack’s voice was unsettling. She could feel coils of doubt creep over her. She tried to ignore them. “I wasn’t exactly on my own,” Viviane replied softly, irritated that she was suddenly thinking of Gabe when she finally had Jack standing right in front of her. Gabe with his kind eyes, his strong hands, his unfaltering . . .

“But I wasn’t there.” Jack touched his forehead to Viviane’s.

Why haven’t I seen it before? she thought. Gabe loves me.

“I can help you now,” Jack boasted. “Look around. I can give you anything you could ever need!”

She glanced at Henry. It was funny. Henry resembled Jack so much, but when she looked at her son, the other person who came to mind was Gabe: Gabe helping Henry climb into the truck before taking off on another one of their adventures; Gabe and Henry chasing down that ridiculous bat; Gabe looking at her shyly when he cradled Henry in his arms for the first time fifteen years ago.

“Can you ever forgive me?”

Viviane sighed, closed her eyes. Of course she could forgive him, and then surely be happy for the rest of her life.

“In a way, we could even be a family,” he added.

Viviane opened her eyes. “What do you mean, in a way?”

Jack motioned to the room around them. “Look what I’ve done with my life! I’m finally someone important in this town. You can’t expect me to forfeit all of this?”

Viviane narrowed her eyes. “Don’t tell me you’re still searching for your father’s approval? He’s been gone for years, Jack!”

“That’s irrelevant,” Jack spat. “People who never respected my father respect me now,” he said. “They look up to me; they ask my opinion. I’m not going to just give all of that up to take up with —”

Viviane flinched in anticipation of the old and ugly phrase.

Jack ran his hands over his face, sweaty with aggravation. “Look, I’m sorry to be so blunt. But, Jesus Christ, Viviane, I thought you of all people would understand.”

Viviane helped Henry into his coat, and the two quietly left the impressive house, followed closely by Trouver. She forgot her red coat hanging in the hall closet.

Back in the truck, she wrapped Henry in two old, scratchy blankets she found under the seat. She used a third one to dry off Trouver. The blankets smelled a bit musty, but neither Henry nor Trouver seemed to mind. She turned the key and the truck sputtered and gasped and died.

Then it hit her. She did understand. At last, when it came to Jack, she could say that she understood completely. The house was renovated. There was a pool in the backyard. And there were his ridiculous, expensive clothes. A lot of things had changed. In spite of all that, Jack hadn’t changed at all. And with that realization, my mother began to laugh. And she laughed.

And she laughed.

And she laughed.

She laughed until Henry covered his ears with his hands and Trouver began to howl. She laughed until her cheeks were sore and her throat hurt and her eyes watered. She laughed for her wasted, difficult life that never had to be wasted or difficult in the first place. She laughed for her two gloriously beautiful but strange children and for a carpenter she should have loved from the moment her mother heard the birdsong announcing good love’s arrival.

But more important, she laughed because finally, after all these years, she didn’t love Jack Griffith anymore. It was the laugh of relief.

Viviane turned to Henry. “Are you okay?” she asked.

“There’s a bee in the bush and a cat on the wall,” he said miserably, pushing one of his hand-drawn maps into Viviane’s lap. It was remarkable, she noted, how accurate the drawing was. Even the street signs were posted on the correct side of the road. Then she noticed that this particular map was different from every other map Henry had made in one way. On the door of one house appeared to be a smear of blood.