The Silent Ones: An absolutely gripping psychological thriller(59)

Yet I feel a niggle deep down that tells me he’s right.

Once I get through the door each evening, I simply set my laptop up on the kitchen counter and carry on working. I often cook the children’s tea around updating the InsideOut4Kids website.

The reality is, I’m there… but I’m not really there. Not all of me.

For the first time, I consider the echoes of my own childhood, when Mum spent so much time in her bedroom.

I can’t remember the last time we all sat down and ate together, or watched TV as a family. We often stay in different rooms until it’s time for bed. And the outings to the park or the cinema we used to plan and enjoy at weekends? I seriously can’t remember the last time we did that.

I thought I was being Superwoman, and it turns out I’m struggling to tick all the boxes like any other mere mortal.

The realisation renders me speechless, and it doesn’t take Tom long to capitalise on it.

‘Don’t feel bad, Jules. I know you haven’t registered the extent of it until now. We used to talk about everything.’ He pauses. ‘I don’t know what happened to us.’

While I work most of the evening in the kitchen, Maddy and Josh watch television in the living room and Tom sits in there with them, often doing puzzles on his iPad.

When we go to bed, I’m usually answering emails or looking at trade brochures. Tom puts in his earbuds and listens to a chapter or two of his current audiobook, usually falling asleep well before I turn my lamp out.

The days of lying snuggled up together while we talk about our day have been over for a long time now, and we haven’t made love for months.

‘You could’ve said something,’ I offer faintly. ‘If it’s bothered you so much, you should have said so. We could have tried a bit harder.’

A look of incredulity settles over his features.

‘I’ve lost count of the times I’ve tried to discuss it with you, Jules. You always agree we should try harder, but that’s not the problem.’ He smiles sadly. ‘The problem is in following through and making it happen.’

He’s right, I know he is, but I’m getting that old familiar feeling that all our shortcomings are being firmly placed on my shoulders.

‘I was building the business for us,’ I say slowly so my voice doesn’t break. ‘For our future. The four of us.’

‘I know that,’ Tom says quietly. ‘I’m so proud of what you’ve achieved, but… I never realised you would become so immersed in it. I didn’t know it would take so much of you.’

A sense of loss settles over me. Everything I’ve worked for has gone up in smoke. Literally. The business has been a drug to me. Even though Chloe is a director, she hasn’t got the same passion, the same all-consuming drive as me. I shudder to think what else Beth might unearth that my sister has let slip.

‘It’s sad, what we’ve become,’ Tom says softly. ‘So busy with our lives we’ve no time to reflect on what we’ve got. What we had.’

A chill prickles the tiny hairs on my forearms. He’s talking as though we’ve already lost that special spark we had together, that nothing can be salvaged.

I think about all his recent work meetings, and how he regularly pops out for work commitments at weekends too. I only ever half listen to what he says, so I can’t even recall the reasons he gives.

He’ll often have a shower as soon as he gets in, and yet he hasn’t been to the gym for the last six months or so.

‘If there’s stuff I haven’t told you, it’s for your own good, Juliet,’ he says, the corners of his mouth drooping. ‘I just want what’s best for you. I hope you’ll remember that.’

For a second I think he’s going to tell me something else, and I hold my breath ready for the blow, but he just pinches the skin between his eyebrows and sighs.

For the first time, unlikely as it seems, I turn and look at Tom and question if it could be remotely possible that my husband is having an affair.





Forty-Three





The door opens without a knock.

‘You’d better make your chat a short one,’ Mum says brusquely. ‘They’re talking about interviewing the girls again.’

I feel relief that they haven’t given up on Maddy, aren’t ready to throw the book at her without a bit more digging.

Chloe stands behind Mum, and I see her swallow hard and glance questioningly at Tom as he leaves the room. What is it with those two? Maybe they’re worried I haven’t taken today’s tablets and am about to have a full-scale meltdown. Well I’ll let them fret. A meltdown feels pretty close right now.

‘So what’s this about?’ Chloe says boldly when the others have gone, already recovered from her apparent nervousness.

‘Tom says you’ve been talking about the fire this morning,’ I say.

‘Yes… and?’ The old attitude is back with a vengeance now. ‘It’s terrible news, but I think you’ll agree there are other things to worry about here.’

‘Cast your mind back to yesterday morning, when I asked you if you were on top of the admin.’

She frowns. ‘I told you I was.’

‘And you blatantly lied.’ I take a step towards her, struggling to keep a lid on my fury. ‘We’re not covered for the fire. No cover in place for any contents – computers, stock, furniture – because you failed to renew the insurance policy.’