The Secret Place (Dublin Murder Squad, #5)(129)

I said, ‘And she believed you? She hadn’t noticed anything up with Selena?’

‘Nah. Becca’s . . . She’s innocent. She figures as long as we’ve got each other, we’re automatically OK. It wouldn’t’ve occurred to her that Selena might not be.’

‘So Julia and Rebecca were no help to you,’ I said. Watched that wisp flicker again. ‘Did you talk to Selena?’

Holly shook her head. ‘I tried. Lenie’s excellent at not having a conversation when she doesn’t feel like it. She just does this dreamy look, and splat, conversation’s dead. I barely even got as far as asking her what was wrong.’

‘So what did you do?’

Flash of impatience. ‘Nothing. Waited and kept an eye on her. What do you think I should’ve done?’

‘Haven’t a clue,’ I said peaceably. ‘So when you saw that phone, you figured it had something to do with whatever was bothering Selena?’

‘Well, I didn’t exactly have to be a hotshot detective for that. I kept my eyes like this’ – slit open – ‘and watched till she put it away. I couldn’t see where she put it exactly, but it was somewhere down the side of her bed. So the next day I made up some excuse to go to our room during school, and I found it.’

‘And read the texts.’

Holly’s crossed knee was bouncing. I was pissing her off. ‘Yeah. So? So would you have, if your friend was in that state.’

I said, ‘They must’ve been a shock.’

Eye-roll. ‘You think?’

‘Chris wouldn’t be the boyfriend I’d choose for my best mate.’

‘Obviously. Not unless your best mate liked them underage.’

Mackey was grinning, not bothering to hide it. I said, ‘So what did you do about it?’

Her chin went out. ‘Um, hello, same as before: what was I supposed to do? Get her a Chris voodoo doll and some pins? I’m not actually magic. I couldn’t wave my wand and make her feel all better.’

Sore spot. I pressed it. ‘You could’ve texted him to leave her alone. Or arranged to meet up with him, tell him face to face.’

Holly snorted. ‘Like that would’ve done any good. Chris didn’t even like me – he could tell I didn’t fall for his cute-little-puppy thing, which meant he was never going to get up my top, which meant I was a bitch and why would he bother even talking to me, never mind doing anything I asked him to?’

‘You, young one. No one gets up your top till you’re married.’ Mackey, from the windowsill.

I said, ‘I just can’t get my head round the idea that you did nothing. This guy’s making your best mate miserable, and you just went, “Ah, well, stuff happens, it’ll toughen her up”? Seriously?’

‘I didn’t know what to do! I feel like crap about it already, thanks very much, I don’t need you telling me what a shit friend I was.’

I said, ‘You could’ve talked to Julia and Rebecca, see if the three of you could come up with a plan together. That’s what I’d’ve expected you to do. If yous are as close as you say.’

‘I’d already tried. Remember? Becca got upset, Julia didn’t want to know. Probably I would’ve told Jules if Selena had been any worse, but it wasn’t like I thought she was going to kill herself over that wanker. She was just . . . unhappy. There was nothing any of us could do about that.’ Something blowing across Holly’s face again. ‘And she obviously really, like really didn’t want any of us knowing. If she’d found out that I knew, it would’ve just made her feel worse. So I acted like I didn’t.’

The thing was it wasn’t true, the little insomnia story, or not all the truth. I couldn’t risk a glance at Conway to see if she’d spotted the lie. There had been no name attached to Chris’s number, in Selena’s phone; no names in the texts. No way a skim through the phone could have told Holly who Selena was texting.

Maybe the lie was Mackey reflex, always keep some nugget to yourself in case it comes in useful later on. Maybe not.

Holly moved like she felt that cold-rain something fingering the back of her neck, trailing across her shoulders. Said, ‘I wasn’t just ignoring the whole thing. Back then, I thought the same as Becca: everything would be OK as long as we had each other. I thought, if we just stuck close to Lenie . . .’

‘Did it work? Did she seem like she was snapping out of it?’

Holly said, quietly, ‘No.’

I said, ‘That had to be scary. You’re used to dealing with everything together with your friends, the four of yous: no secrets. All of a sudden, you’re stuck dealing with this all on your own.’

Holly shrugged. ‘I survived.’

Trying hard for ice-cool, but that veil had wrapped her round. Those few days last spring had set things shifting, in the way the world looked to her. Left her lost, stripped raw in cold wind and no one’s hands finding hers.

That was when I knew: Conway wasn’t the only one who had Holly in her sights. Not any more.

‘Course you did,’ I said. ‘You’re well able; I know that from last time. But that doesn’t mean you don’t get scared. And being out on your own where your mates can’t help, that’s one of the scariest things around.’