The Secret Place (Dublin Murder Squad, #5)(114)

Hi

Hi

That was it, their first conversation. Just feeling the other one there.

Over the next couple of days they started telling each other stories. Chris’s class had made some gadget that beeped at random intervals, stuck it under a desk and watched their Irish teacher lose his mind. Selena’s class had been messing with Houlihan’s head by inching their desks forward, too gradually to spot, till she was practically pinned against the blackboard. Small stories, to make each other laugh.

Then – carefully, step by step, like they had all the time in the world – they moved into personal stuff.

Chris: OK so this wknd I get home n my sister’s cut her hair in one of those emo fringes. What do I do??

Selena: Depends, does it look good?

Chris: Actually not bad . . . or wouldn’t be bad if she’d got it done at the hairdresser instead of doing it herself with nail scisors :-0

Selena: LOL! Then take her to the hairdresser + get it done right!

Chris: I might actually do it :-D

Late-night texts, typoed, hurrying in the jacks or texting blind under covers. Chris’s sister loved her pro haircut. He and his friends got locked at someone’s brother’s party, shouted insults at some girl on their way home, Chris felt guilty about it in the morning (Sooo complex, Conway’s eye-roll said, such a sensitive soul). Selena wished her dad and her mum would talk when one of them dropped her off at the other’s place; Chris wished his parents would stop talking, because they always ended up yelling. They were getting close.

Feeling their way closer. Chris: Nothing intelligent to say, was just thinking about you

Selena: That’s mental, I was just going to text you to say I was thinking about you

Chris: In fairness I think about you alot so not that crazy of a concidence

Selena: Don’t be like that

Chris: I know sorry. I actully mean it. It just comes out sounding fake

Selena: Then don’t say anything. You know you don’t have to say stuff to me right?

Chris: Yeah. Just I don’t want you thinking this doesn’t matter to me

Selena: I won’t. I promise

Nothing like Chris’s flirtations, overused words from telly scripts, with empty space underneath. This was something else; the real thing, confusing, thrilling, script going out of the window. Sappy stuff, once-in-a-lifetime stuff, stuff to make you cringe and break your heart.

I said, ‘You think he’s faking that?’ Got that hooded dark eye again, and no answer.

Then, from Chris: I wish we could talk properly. This is stupid.

Selena: Me too

Chris: We could try meeting after school in the field or in the park??

Selena: Wouldn’t be the same. Like we said before. And someone would see us

Chris: Then somewhere else. Like we can find a cafe in the other direcion.

Selena: No. My friends would want to know where I was going. I’m not going to lie to them, this is bad enough

Conway said, ‘This isn’t like with Joanne and the others, where Chris wants to keep them under wraps and they’re pushing to go public. Selena wants to stay on the down-low too.’

‘Like we said: she knows at least one of her gang wouldn’t be happy.’

‘Julia knew Chris was a dog. And Holly didn’t like him one little bit.’

In the second week of March, Chris found the answer. Ok guess what. Finn worked out a way we can get out at night. If you can still do it would you be on for meeting up? Don’t want to get you in trouble, but I’d love to see you

Silence for a day, while Selena tried to decide. Then:

I’d love to too. Have to be late like 12.30. Meet me at the back gate of Kilda’s and we can find somewhere to talk.

Chris, fast and bubbling over: Yeahhhh!!! Thursday?

Selena: Yes thursday. I’ll text you if I can’t get out. Otherwise see you there

Can’t wait :-)

Same :-)

The meetings started and the texts changed. Got shorter, less of them and less to them. No more stories, no families and friends and deep feelings and daydreams. Hi :-) and Tonight same time same place? and Can’t, thurs? and Yeah see you then. That was it. The real stuff had grown too huge and too powerful to fit in little lit rectangles; it had come alive.

Noise from the fourth-year common room, roll of thuds like a heap of books tumbling. Conway and I whipped round, ready, but it vanished under a burst of laughter, spattering like bright flung paint, too hard.

And then the bit we’d been waiting for.

April 22nd, Chris and Selena arranged to meet, just like we’d thought. Same time same place. Can’t wait.

That night, the video. The kiss.

Early the morning of April 23rd, Chris texted Selena. I’m going to get in trouble cos I cant stop smiling :-)

Before school, Selena got back to him. Epic text. Chris I have to stop meeting you. I promise it’s nothing you did. I should never have met up to start with but I genuienly thought we could be just friends. That was really really stupid. I am so sorry. I know you won’t understand why, but if this hurts you, maybe it will help to know it hurts me so much too. I love you (another thing I should never have said).

Conway said, ‘What the f*ck is she on about?’

‘That doesn’t sound like a rape victim,’ I said.

She shoved stray hair out of her face with the heel of her hand, hard. ‘Sounds like a nutter. I’m starting to think Joanne and them were right about this lot.’