The Secret Place (Dublin Murder Squad, #5)(110)

Selena’s ready for the punishment. She expects the others to be wide awake and sitting up when she slips into the bedroom, three pairs of eyes slamming her back against the door, but they’re so floppy asleep they’ve barely moved since she went out – it feels like nights ago. She waits all the next day to be called into McKenna’s office so the night watchman can say Yes that’s her, but the only time she sees McKenna is sailing past in a corridor with her general-purpose majestic half-smile. In a bathroom cubicle, she tries whether she can still flicker the lights, whether her silver ring will still spin above her palm. She does it on her own so the others won’t see her fail and guess why, but everything works perfectly.

After that she realises it’ll be less obvious than that, more oblique, a blow from the side when she isn’t braced. A phone call telling her that they’ve lost all their money somehow, and she’ll have to drop out of Kilda’s. Her stepdad losing his job and they all have to emigrate to Australia.

She tries to feel guilty about it, whatever it is, but there’s no space in her mind. Chris is shining into every corner. His laugh, sliding higher than you’d expect from someone with such a deep voice, turning him suddenly young and mischievous. The chop of pain, When things weren’t great at home, slicing off all his careful cheerful fa?ade, turning his face taut and private. The narrow of his eyes against moonlight, the shift of his shoulders as he leans forward, the smell of him, he’s in every moment. She can’t believe the others don’t taste her hot and cinnamony, don’t see it spinning off her like gold dust every time she moves.

There’s no phone call. She doesn’t get hit by a lorry. Chris is texting her When? The next time Selena and the others go to the glade, she thinks up at the moon: Please do something to me. Or I’m going to meet him again.

Silence, cold. She understands that Chris is her battle; no one is going to fight it for her.

I’ll tell him we can’t meet up any more. I’ll tell him he was right and we should just text. The thought of it knocks her breath out, like icy water. If he’s not OK with that, then I’ll stop texting him.

The next time they meet, in a grassy and moonless silence between two secrets, she takes his hand.





Chapter 19


We went to the bedroom door, watched Selena down the corridor and safe to where she was supposed to be. The sing-song was over; when Selena swung the common-room door open, the silence surged out at us, tight and brittle, thrumming.

Conway watched the door click shut. ‘So,’ she said. ‘You think Chris raped her?’

‘Not sure. Gun to my head, I’d say no.’

‘Same. But there was more to the breakup than she’s saying. Who dumps a guy because they kissed? What kind of reason is that?’

‘Once we get those texts, they might give us something.’

‘If Sophie’s guy’s gone home for his dinner, I swear I’m gonna get his address and track the little bollix down.’ A couple of hours earlier, it would’ve come out like she meant it. Now it was auto-pitbull, too tired to clamp down. She checked her watch: quarter to seven. ‘Fuck’s sake. Come on.’

I said, ‘Even if Chris didn’t rape Selena, someone could’ve thought he had.’

‘Yeah. They break up, she’s all upset, crying into her unicorns. One of her mates knows she was seeing Chris, figures he did something to her . . .’

I said, ‘She thinks one of her mates killed him.’

‘Yeah. She’s not sure, but she thinks so, yeah.’ This time Conway wasn’t pacing: slumped against the corridor wall instead, head back, trying to rub the day out of her neck. ‘Which means she’s out. Not officially, but out.’

I said, ‘She’s not outside, but. She’s . . .’ That vortex pull of Selena, things spinning round her axis, I didn’t know how to say that. ‘When we get the story, she’ll be in it.’

Talking like an eejit, and in front of one of the Murder squad, but Conway wasn’t sneering. Nodding. ‘If she’s right and one of her mates did the job, it was because of Chris and Selena. One way or another.’

‘That’s what she thinks, too. At least one of the mates knew all about her and Chris, and didn’t like it. And Selena knew they wouldn’t; that’s why she didn’t tell them to start with.’ I leaned on the wall beside Conway. Fatigue kicking in, me too, the wall felt like it was swaying. ‘Maybe they knew he was a player, thought he’d end up hurting Selena. Maybe he’d done something shite on one of them – just casually, like what Holly told us about – and he was the enemy. Maybe one of them was into him. Maybe one of them had already been with him, earlier in the year.’

‘OK,’ Conway said. Rolled her neck, winced. ‘Say we pull them back in, one by one. Tell them we think Selena did it, we’re getting ready to arrest her. That should shake them loose.’

‘You think if one of them’s our girl, she’ll come clean to get Selena off the hook?’

‘She might. That age, self-preservation isn’t high on their list. Like we were saying before: nothing matters as much as your friends. Not even your life. You’re practically looking for a good reason to sacrifice it.’

Beat of pain at the base of my throat and in the crooks of my elbows, places where veins run near the surface. I said, ‘That cuts two ways. If one of them confesses, doesn’t mean she did it.’