The Rules of Dating My Best Friend's Sister(63)

My heart pounded as my finger hovered over the screen to either erase or send.

Three.

Two.

One…

I paused.

Send.





CHAPTER 17


Lala



I pulled into the same parking spot I’d pulled out of yesterday morning. My building was a few doors down and across the street. Looking around, everything appeared exactly the same as when I’d left to drive up to Philadelphia, yet nothing was the same at all for me anymore. I sighed. What a whirlwind two days I’d had.

I’d left New York determined to fix things with my fiancé. Warren had known things between us were off when he left last weekend, and he’d called every night this week to see if we were okay. I hated that I was making him feel uneasy. He didn’t deserve that. So I’d driven home to surprise him, like he had me the week before, in order to assure him everything was good between us. I swear I’d had the best of intentions when I’d left just yesterday.

Warren worked at the lab on Saturday afternoons, so I drove up early and visited my parents. After, I went to his favorite bakery and picked up his favorite dessert—gluten-free carrot cake with vegan, dairy-free “cream cheese” frosting—before heading to his place. But just as I pulled up, a text from Holden arrived. And after that, my visit to smooth things over didn’t go exactly as planned. In fact, it turned out to be one hell of a bumpy ride. I wound up sitting outside of Warren’s house for more than an hour, reading Holden’s text over and over. Then my fiancé noticed my car and came out to see if I was alright.

The moment I opened my mouth to tell him everything was great, tears started streaming down my face.

I couldn’t do it.

I just couldn’t do it anymore.

Now it was late on Sunday, almost eleven o’clock at night, and I still hadn’t responded to Holden’s text from yesterday. I wasn’t sure if he was home, but I was about to find out. Because things between us needed to be settled once and for all.

Adrenaline pumped through my veins as I got out of the car, walked across the street, and rode the elevator up to our floor. I could’ve used a glass of wine to calm my nerves before going to Holden’s apartment, but I was afraid if I went to my place, I’d chicken out and never knock. So I unlocked my door, tossed my bag inside without crossing the threshold, and walked next door.

My hand trembled as I lifted it to knock.

But my heart nearly broke when Holden opened the door, and his face fell finding me on the other side. I never wanted to be the cause of that pain.

He closed his eyes. “I’m so sorry, Lala. I should never have sent that text, and I should never have done what I did last weekend at the bar. I’m a complete asshole.”

“Can I come in so we can talk?”

Holden nodded and stepped aside for me to enter.

My insides felt like a shaken bottle of champagne, and I was afraid when I opened my mouth, I’d spew all over the place. I needed something to calm my nerves. “Do you have any wine?”

“In the kitchen.” He motioned to the other room, and I followed. An unopened bottle of my favorite pinot grigio was in the door of his fridge. He uncorked it before filling a glass and passing it to me. After, he put it away and leaned against the kitchen counter.

“Aren’t you going to join me?” I asked.

“The last thing I need is alcohol when I’m around you. I do a pretty bang-up job fucking everything up when I’m stone-cold sober.” He looked down. “I really am sorry, Lala. I had no right to act the way I did last Saturday night. And I should never have sent that text and unloaded on you. Even if everything I said is true, it was selfish to dump it all in your lap. You’re engaged to be married to another man, and I haven’t shown any respect for that commitment.” He lifted his head and our eyes met. “I’ve done some dumb shit when it comes to you. Can you ever forgive me? Can we pretend I never sent that text and go back to being friends? I know I’ve said it a dozen times, but I will back off and be on my best behavior if you just give me one more chance. I don’t want to lose you completely, Lala.”

When I said nothing, Holden looked pained.

“Please, sweetheart,” he groaned. “I’m so sorry, so fucking sorry.”

My heart pounded as I tried to figure out where to begin telling him everything I’d come to say.

“Tell me I’m an asshole,” he pleaded. “Tell me I acted like an immature idiot. Just don’t not speak to me. I couldn’t take that, Lala. Say something. Anything.”

I lifted the wine to my lips and gulped back half the glass before taking a deep breath. “I’m not engaged anymore, Holden.”

His eyes widened. “What? What did you just say?”

“I’m not engaged anymore.”

“Fuck.” He shook his head. “Is it my fault? Did Warren break things off because of what I did?”

“No, Warren didn’t break things off. I did.”

“Why?”

I looked down for a long time before meeting his eyes again. “Because everything you said in that text? I feel the same way, Holden. You’re all I think about. You said you think about me from the moment you get up in the morning until the moment your head hits the pillow. Well, I do the same, but I can’t even stop thinking about you when I fall asleep. I dream about you.” I took another deep breath. “And my dreams…are dirty.”