The Rules of Dating(105)

Billie,

I feel like I’m losing you, and I’m not gonna lie: I’m freaking out about it. I’ve never felt so damn scared about anything. At the same time, I’m afraid to push you over the edge. I agreed to your request that we wouldn’t be in contact for a while, so I suppose my writing to you right now instead of picking up the phone is me keeping my end of the bargain.

Every night before bed, Saylor asks if you’re ever coming back. I always assure her that you are. My answer to her tonight was no different. But a small part of me worried that for the first time I was lying to her about you.

As painful as it was running into you a little while ago, it was SO damn good to see you. I was in a better mood earlier today than I had been in a while because we’d just left the Stokes hearing. I was so damn relieved to be out of that torture. And it went better than I thought it would. As we were heading back, I tripped over a random shoe, fell on my ass, and split my pants. Split my fucking pants, Billie. It was freaking ridiculous and hysterical. And so I laughed. I hadn’t laughed that hard in a while. Pretty sure it had needed to come out. That’s when I saw you. And you know how that went.

What you haven’t seen is everything else that’s happened since you’ve been gone—like me lying in bed at night aching for you, praying tomorrow won’t be the day you come to your senses and realize this is all too much for you to handle. You deserve so much better, but I’m too selfish to let you go, Billie. I love you too damn much. So I’m gonna fight for you. I’m not giving up on us, even if at the moment you hate me. Hate me if you want. Just don’t leave.

All my love,

Colby

AKA Pantless in the City



I smiled at that last part. It took me a long while to figure out my next move. I was mentally exhausted from all of the emotions reading his words had conjured up.

I finally texted him.



Billie: And to think I was so messed up at the train station that I didn’t even catch a glimpse of your sexy ass peeking through your pants.





CHAPTER 31


Colby



Stepping off the elevator, I found Maya waiting outside my apartment door. She smiled. I frowned. Two-and-a-half weeks had passed since the Stokes hearing, yet I still felt a shock whenever I got home and saw her face and not Billie’s. I dug my keys from my pocket. “Are you waiting for me?”

“Yeah, I was hoping we could talk for a few minutes.”

“Is everything okay with Saylor?”

She nodded. “I didn’t go in because I was waiting for you, but I can hear her laughing with the sitter.”

“Okay.” I shrugged. “Well, what’s up?”

She nodded toward the emergency stairwell door diagonally across from my place. “Do you mind if we talk in there? I don’t want them to overhear us.”

“Sure.”

Maya and I stepped into the stairwell. She took a seat on the top step and patted the empty space next to her. I reluctantly sat down.

“I heard from my lawyer an hour ago…”

I froze. “And?”

She sighed. “He didn’t know the outcome, but apparently a decision has been made on our case. The friend he has in that office saw an envelope addressed to us in the outgoing mail. She looked up our names in their database, and the status had changed from In Review to Closed. But their system records every user who goes in and out of electronic files, so she didn’t want to open the case.”

“Okay… Well, I guess we only have a day or two until we find out at least.”

Maya nodded and looked down. She was quiet for a long time before speaking again. “My lawyer said once a case has a final determination, there’s no longer a risk of the investigator coming around. It’s against procedure for them to do a home visit or anything like that once a case is closed. So I’ll move out tomorrow morning, if that’s okay?”

“Oh…yeah. That’s fine.”

She twisted her body and faced me. “Listen, Colby, I know I’ve said it before, but I’m really sorry for everything I’ve put you through. There’s no excuse for the things I’ve done, but it was definitely easier when I didn’t know you and Saylor. In my head, I justified my actions. You were just some guy who trolls strip clubs and brings home whatever vulnerable woman is willing to come with him—a user. So why not use you back?” She sighed. “But you are nothing like the person I made up in my head.”

I ran a hand through my hair. “Maybe a part of me was that person when we met. But whoever I was changed the minute my daughter came into my life.” I shook my head. “You’ve apologized more than once, yet I never have. It wasn’t like I went back to the club where you worked in the weeks after we hooked up to see if you wanted to go out to dinner. So maybe I was a user. And for that, I’m sorry. I would never want a man to treat Saylor that way.”

Maya’s eyes filled with tears. “The fact that you could apologize to me after everything I’ve done speaks volumes about who you are. Saylor is so lucky to have you for a father.”

“Thank you. That means a lot.”

“She’s a special little girl, Colby. I don’t need to tell you that. And so much of that has to do with the example you set every day. So many parents tell their kids to be kind and then show them something very different with their own behavior. But you don’t say empty words—you show your daughter the right way to live. Heck, she’s not even here to know how you’re acting right now, yet you apologized to me and showed me more kindness than I deserve.” A tear rolled down Maya’s cheek. “I wish I could have been a mother to her. I really do. But I could never trust myself.”