The Rules of Dating(104)

“What?” I started cracking up.

“I don’t think it was intentional, obviously, but still. He sneezed and a huge freaking fart came out. Nicole and I looked at each other as if to say: did you fucking just hear what I did?” He smiled at the memory. “Then we both lost it. Totally lost it—two people who’d barely spoken a word to each other in two years. There we were, still hating each other’s guts, but we enjoyed that moment together, nevertheless. You know why? Because we’re human. That’s what humans do. We laugh at sick shit, we laugh with our enemies, and sometimes we laugh when we probably should be crying.”

I wiped my eyes, no longer knowing whether I was laughing or crying. “Thank you for the perspective, Eddie. You’ve helped me see everything differently.”

“Good.”

“Does it make me selfish that I still want him to know it upset me, and I’m doing that by not responding to his text for three days?” I asked.

“There’s nothing wrong with making him sweat because he does need to realize how difficult this whole thing is on you.”

Poor Eddie let me vent to him that entire lunch. Then he drove us over to the shop since I’d offered to do a quick add-on to his most recent tattoo that he’d mentioned he wanted—on the house, of course.

After we finished, we stood outside the shop. As I did whenever I was out on the street in front of the building lately, I looked around for Colby, on the off chance he was leaving or passing by. I never quite knew if I was wishing to run into him or praying not to, but adrenaline always pumped through me until I was safely back inside.

“I can’t thank you enough for taking my mind off things today and for your wise insight,” I told Eddie.

“Well, you’ve done a lot for me over the years, Billie.” He lifted his arm. “Each one of these beautiful pieces of art you’ve inked brings me joy every day. The least I could do is return some of it.”

“You really are a great guy, Eddie. You’re gonna make someone very happy someday.”

“Hopefully not as happy as I made my ex.” He guffawed.

“You’ll find the one. She’s out there. I just know it.”

“Spoken like a true friend.” He winked. “As much as I’ve been trying to date you all these years, I’m happy to have you as a friend, Billie. Although if you ever change your mind, I’m totally DTF.”

Down to fuck.

“Kidding,” he added. “I know that ship has sailed.” He winked again. “Unless you bring it back to port.”

I laughed, wrapping my arms around Eddie to hug him goodbye. He gave me a peck on the cheek. When I let go, my stomach sank. Brayden was approaching the building. He offered me a slight smile and wave before he headed inside. I assumed he’d seen me embrace Eddie. My first inclination was to run after him and try to explain, but then I concluded that would probably make me look even more guilty. After all, Eddie and I were just two friends sharing a hug; there was nothing to explain.

I suspected Brayden would tell Colby he saw me, though. Maybe now would’ve been a good time to reach out to Colby and finally respond to his text. But then I caught myself: I was getting too wrapped up in my fears and emotions. Colby and I were supposed to be on a break. So I decided to leave it that way.

***

After I locked up the shop, I opted to walk home to clear my head. As I did, guilt started to seep in about not having responded to Colby’s text and about Brayden seeing me with Eddie. I didn’t want to hurt Colby any more than he was already hurting. I decided after I got home, I would take a hot shower and think about what I wanted to say before texting him back tonight.

When I got to my apartment, there was a large envelope sitting outside my door. It was addressed to me. The return address was Colby’s.

I took it inside and opened it to find a stack of letters written on yellow legal-pad paper. And a note from Colby.



I’m supposed to be taking notes every day on the woman I’m living with, but when I’m alone at night, all I want to do is write to the one I’m in love with. I wasn’t going to show you any of these. They were written for my own therapeutic benefit—for my sanity, as a place for me to put all of these feelings while I am unable to tell you directly. I’ve written to you almost every night since you disappeared from my day-to-day life. If you want the truth about what’s going on inside my head, you can find it here. You know where you cannot find the truth, though? Through one quick snapshot in time, a silly moment of misunderstanding like the other day at the train station.



The first letter really hit me in the feels:



Billie,



Okay. It hasn’t even been that long, and I’m already going out of my mind. I’m not gonna make it through without seeing you. This sucks worse than anything I’ve ever experienced. I miss your laugh. I miss the way your ass feels warm against my dick when I spoon you at night. I miss the way Saylor lights up whenever you walk in the room. I miss your toothbrush. I know that’s a strange thing to miss, but the first time you left your toothbrush in the holder in my bathroom, it meant something to me, that you planned to come back time and time again. And now it’s gone.



I read each and every letter until I got to the last one, written the day I saw him at the subway.