The Revenge (The Insiders Trilogy #3)(35)

Kash was here. I could feel him.

I wasn’t looking, but I heard the crunch of footsteps on the roof. Fitz was leaving. I could feel him easing back and Kash coming forward. He was coming slow, and the door shut again.

I was tense, waiting.

Nothing.

He didn’t say a word, demand an explanation.

I couldn’t take it.

I was biting my lip.

He needed to say something.

He had every right to be upset with me.

Still.

He said nothing.

God.

Fuck him.

Fuck me .

Fuck everything.

I whirled, tasting a sudden warm explosion of metal, and I knew I’d broken skin. I bit down on my tongue, but I didn’t feel the pain.

I should’ve felt the pain.

He was right there, watching, looking like a goddamn saint. Like he had all the patience in the world. Like he knew what was going on inside of me. But that was preposterous. Right? Right?

I meant to offer an explanation, or an apology.

But those words didn’t come out of my mouth.

“She’s gone because of you.” Oh my God!

I reeled on the inside, my actual body skidding back and finding the railing behind me.

I said that? I couldn’t have, but his face shuttered closed. “I know.”

No.

No!

“Don’t be the victim here.” I was shaking my head again and couldn’t control what was coming out of my mouth.

His eyes flared, surprised. “I’m not.”

“Yes, you are.” I burst forward two steps, pointing at him. “You can’t do that. It was your grandfather. If you hadn’t fallen in love with me, then he wouldn’t have…”

What was I saying? Shit. I was cringing, but I couldn’t stop myself and kept going.

“I can’t even say if we hadn’t had sex, because you’re you. I have to say if we hadn’t met, because if I met you, I was going to fall in love with you. So, you. It’s on you. You loved me. You let him know that. He hurt me to hurt you, and he took her away from me!”

I couldn’t—Those words!

I gasped, my hands clamping over my mouth.

I didn’t think like this or feel like this. But these words, they were coming out of me .

My mom.

Chrissy.

She was gone, and I … And now there was nothing.

I wanted to stay. I wanted to go in his arms, reassure him I didn’t mean what I was saying, apologize for them. I didn’t do any of that.

I didn’t leave, either.

He was just staring back at me. His eyes were dark and haunted.

He spoke, his voice so quiet. “You don’t think I know this?”

“What?”

He took a step toward me. “Or that I don’t think this myself?”

“Kash.” A soft sigh from me.

“You don’t think I hold you at night and curse myself, knowing I should let you go? That if I hadn’t met you, and fallen in love with you, that she would still be alive?” Another step. He was close to me, and he was whispering now. “It’s my fault. And it tortures me every fucking minute, Bailey.”

His eyes were so fierce, staring into mine, but he didn’t touch me. I didn’t touch him. Cold, biting Chicago air swung between us, back and forth, back and forth.

“She’s gone because I loved you. It’s that fucking simple.”

I couldn’t look at him anymore. I couldn’t see his pain because then I would feel it, and I was already feeling him, and it was doubling my own pain.

I closed my eyes and I looked away. The silence was deafening, and I didn’t know where we could go from there.

“I have a brother.”

My head reared up.

A brother?

He was staring at me, but he was closed off. “A twin. My grandfather raised him, and he came to me. I had him. I don’t know the reason why he’s here, but he is, and I thought you should know. ”

My mind was a mess. There was too much going on.

I needed to regroup. I needed to fix this.

“Do you want me to leave?”

My heart was squeezing, but I couldn’t answer him.

I closed my eyes.

“No…”

I opened them, but empty air greeted me back.

I never heard him leave.





QUINN CALLAS’S DEFENSE WILL PROVE INNOCENCE

Quinn Callas’s defense team claims innocence, sets motion to pick jury members.

In an unprecedented move, the defense team for Quinn Callas wants to hold a jury trial, claims Quinn Callas is not guilty. Sources say Quinn “left a very toxic home environment with the Francis family. She just wanted to get out of there.”

We’ll continue to follow this story.

—Inside Daily Press





TWENTY

Bailey


We were at Naveah, and it was wrong.

Everything was wrong.

I messed up. I totally and completely fucked up.

I was a horrible, horrible human being.

A horrible girlfriend.

A horrible lover.

A horrible sister—No. I looked at Matt. I was a decent sister.

But back to Kash. I needed to fix it. Fix things. Fix everything. Kash wasn’t taking my calls, and I had tried. I’d been trying for the last hour while it was only Matt and me in the VIP booth.