The Resolution of Callie & Kayden(33)

A tiny smile rises on her lips, but her eyes still seem filled with sadness as she looks up at me. ‘Well, it was the other day. I think you guys thought I had my headphones on and was listening to music, but I was actually trying to find something to listen to so I heard a little bit of your conversation … about a guy doing stuff to you.’ She winces as she says it, and even though I’m used to talking about this aloud, I still wince myself.

‘Yeah …’ Again, I’m unsure of what to say.

‘Sorry,’ she says quickly. ‘I’m sure you’re wondering why I’m saying this and the truth is … well, the truth is I heard you say something about how you were feeling a lot better and that you have been since you talked to your parents about it. I was kind of wondering’ – her gaze drops to the space on the floor between our feet – ‘how you went about that.’

‘Telling my parents that I was … raped?’ It’s still so hard to say aloud, even though I’ve been openly talking about it for a while.

Again, she winces. ‘Yeah … that.’ She looks up at me and although she doesn’t say anything about it, I think I suddenly understand why she’s bringing this up. I know that pained look she’s trying to keep trapped inside her because I did the same thing for years.

I’m not sure if I should ask her yet if she was raped. Stuff like this can be tricky – getting someone to tell the truth can be tricky. I should know since it took me almost seven years of carrying around this dark heaviness inside me, afraid to let it out because I was afraid of what people would think of me and honestly, I was afraid of Caleb, too.

‘You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.’ Harper’s words rush out of her. Right now, she seems like a completely different person, but that’s because she’s vulnerable and scared.

‘No, it’s okay.’ I lift my shoulders to build up some confidence. ‘When it came to telling my parents, I just sort of sat them down and told them. There’s really not a right or easy way to do it, other than to do it. I do think that getting to the point where you decide you’re going to tell someone is the hardest part, though.’

‘Did you struggle with it?’ she asks. ‘I mean, with getting up the courage to tell someone.’

I suck in a gradual inhale through my nose to keep the emotions inside me so I won’t freak her out. ‘Yeah, it took me almost seven years.’

Her eyes snap wide. ‘How old were you when it happened?’

‘Twelve.’

‘Jesus, Callie, that’s horrible.’

‘Yeah, it was, but I’m trying to move on.’ I pause, wondering if it’s the right time to ask her something yet, but then I realize that there might not be a right time and I just have to do it. ‘How old were you?’

She sighs, her shoulders slumping. ‘Is it that obvious why I’m asking all this?’

‘It might not be for someone else, but you have this look on your face right now that I’m kind of familiar with.’

‘And what look is that?’

‘Fear … pain.’

We exchange a look of understanding. I’ve always known that what happened to me has happened to other people, but I’ve never really discussed it with anyone who’s had to live through the hellish experience.

‘I feel those things,’ she says quietly, her eyes getting watery. ‘I hate that I do, though. Everyone thinks I’m so happy because that’s what I show them, but I’m not as happy as I seem.’

‘Everyone thought I was crazy,’ I tell her. ‘But I did chop off my hair with a pair of scissors and stop talking to people.’

She offers me a sympathetic look. ‘Callie, that’s so sad.’

‘And so is pretending to be happy all the time,’ I say. ‘Everyone should feel okay enough to be themselves.’

She nods, agreeing. ‘Yeah, but my story’s not as sad as yours. I was fourteen and older.’

‘That doesn’t make it any better.’ I stand up from the bed and cross the room to sit down beside her, my legs feeling the slightest bit wobbly. ‘Rape is a horrible thing no matter what and you should tell someone about it.’

‘I’m not sure if I can tell my mom.’ She frowns and it makes me wonder if perhaps it was somebody living under the same roof as her.

‘How about a brother or sister, then?’ I suggest.