The Redo (Winslow Brothers #4) (124)

“Thank you, honey,” she states and eyes everyone at the table, especially Brad, Jude, and Ty, before going back to figuring out family holiday plans.

The conversation moves along pretty steadily after that. Thanksgiving will be at Wes and Winnie’s, and for Christmas, everyone will go to the lake house and spend both Christmas Eve and Christmas Day there.

And I just mostly try to ignore the discussion by busying myself with Izzy. Of course, she’s being an absolute angel right now, sleeping through all the commotion. No crying, no fussing…just sleeping. Which means I’m basically just staring down at the bouncer chair Winnie bought for her that sits between Rem and me with nothing to do.

But hell, I still can’t shake the feeling that I’m an outsider in all of this. I’m not technically a part of this family. And at the core of it all, that’s a big problem for me when I now know in my heart that I want to be a part of a family. I want to settle down with someone. I want to get married and be someone’s wife. Be Remy’s wife.

“What do you think, Maria?” Rem asks, and I look up to find him looking at me. Actually, everyone at the table is looking at me.

“What do I think about what?”

“Thanksgiving at Winnie’s and Christmas at the lake house?” he questions. “Can we make it work?”

Can we.

As in, me and him.

I don’t know why, but it just…sets me off. Like, how in the hell am I supposed to know? We haven’t even had an actual discussion about what we’re even fucking doing here. How in the hell can I commit to holiday plans with a family I don’t even know if I’m a part of?

“Um…I’m not sure,” I answer, trying like hell to find a delicate way to extricate myself from this conversation so we can have a normal discussion about it later…you know…when we’re not surrounded by his family.

“You’re not sure?” he repeats on a soft laugh and wraps his arm around my shoulders. “Babe, surely you can get the time off work, right? Shift some showings and listing appointments around to make it work in the name of being with family at Christmas. I mean, it’d be great to bring Izzy to the lake house this winter.”

“I don’t know, Rem. I’ll have to check my schedule.”

“Ri, you’re being weird. Are you okay?” he asks, furrowing his brow and unintentionally hanging me out to dry in front of everyone.

I feel pushed into a corner, like the whole damn room might as well be closing in on me.

“Yeah, I’m fine.”

He searches my eyes, and whatever he finds certainly doesn’t encourage him to move along from the awkwardness. “Well, we can at least commit to Thanksgiving, right?”

“Rem, I really don’t want to talk about this right now.”

Please stop pushing me. Please, please, please.

“Talk about what? Thanksgiving?” he questions, and it is my official undoing. The match to my flame.

“Everything,” I blurt out in a rush and push myself back from the table with two firm hands. “Everything. Thanksgiving. Christmas. Making future plans when I don’t even know what the hell we’re doing here. I don’t even know what we are, Remy!”

“Oh shit,” someone in the room mutters, but Rem is too focused on me to even notice.

“What?” he questions, and he leans his body away from mine. “You’re questioning us? That’s what this is all about?”

Normally, I wouldn’t answer that question, or maybe I’d ask him to step out of the damn dining room to discuss it privately, but it’s like I’ve reached a breaking point. I’m so done with carrying around all this stress and uncertainty that I can’t think about anything besides getting it off my chest.

“Oh, c’mon, Rem,” I retort. “You have to realize that we haven’t established anything about our relationship. Or if we even have a relationship. Let’s just enjoy ourselves and not worry about the rest, Maria. Can’t we do that?” I taunt in his voice, and Winnie’s eyes widen to the size of saucers. Even Ty’s and Jude’s mouths look like they’ve been permanently sewn shut.

“We’re together all the time, Maria.” Remy looks at me like I’ve slapped him. “We just went on a trip together. I don’t know how much more obvious it could be.”

“Do you realize that I’ve never even been to your apartment?”

“That’s because all of Izzy’s stuff is at your place! I always thought it was just easier that way. If you want to go to my apartment, then we can go to my apartment. I don’t give a shit where we go.”

He’s getting frustrated now, but yeah, join the club. One by one, the people behind him start to file out of the room as quickly as they can manage. Winnie is the only one brave enough to come get Izzy, but to be honest, Remy and I are so entrenched in our shitfest, we barely even notice.

“It’s not about that, Rem. It’s about the fact that it feels a lot like we’ve been playing house, but we’ve never had a serious conversation about what we’re really doing. And it’s becoming too much. Izzy is so attached to you. And I feel guilty for allowing that when I don’t even know if we have a future.”

“What the fuck, Maria?” he nearly shouts and stands up from his chair.