The Rebel of Raleigh High (Raleigh Rebels #1)(80)

“His only real talent was letting people down. I barely remember him. I look at these pictures, and I see her, not him.”

“You miss her,” I say softly.

Alex replies, voice dipped low, scraping the barrel of his chest, hushed, like he’s afraid someone from the cruel, harsh world outside might hear him admitting his one and only weakness. “Sometimes, I miss her so much sometimes, I forget how to fucking breathe.”





28





ALEX





I’ve had plenty of girls want to come hang out at the trailer, but I've never let any of them inside. I've never even given anyone my address before, so having someone here now is really strange. Monty came here with me the day he gave me the keys, but apart from that I've kept this place to myself. Quiet. Private. Mine.

Silver moves around the kitchen, opening the drawers, taking mugs out of the cupboard, putting water into the kettle and prepping the coffee filter, and I lean against the kitchen wall, watching her like a hawk, chewing on my thumbnail. She looks like she belongs here. She has no idea where anything is, but she looks so damn right searching through my stuff in my kitchen that every beat of my heart feels labored and fucking painful.

This is so damn confusing.

I've guarded this place so fiercely that I'm not sure what to do now that she's here and I want her to stay. She doctors my coffee, heaping four teaspoons of sugar into my mug, then pouring in a healthy splash of milk and handing it off to me.

“Thank you.” Jeez, even saying fucking thank you to her feels weird. I’ve had to fight so hard to earn or accomplish anything in this life that I’m usually very reluctant to be polite about it when I win. I can’t remember the last time someone did something as simple as make me a coffee, though, and the gratitude I’m hit with is genuine. Pathetic, but I don’t know how to fucking handle it.

I wince as I take a mouthful of the coffee, pretending not to notice how sweet it is. I never told her that I was just nervous at the diner by the lake; I emptied those packets into my cup because I just needed something to do with my hands. I actually take it black, too, but it doesn’t matter. I will down every last drop of the liquid in this cup, because Silver fucking made it for me.

Everything’s been normal up until now. If I don’t say something to her soon, it’s gonna get weird, though, and I don’t want to spoil however much time we have to spend with each other tonight. Grabbing Silver by the hand, I take her back into the living room and sit her down on the couch. She knows what’s coming; she looks like she’s about to bury her face in the couch cushions and hide when I clear my throat, trying to think of how best to begin.

“You read it,” she rushes out, before I can even open my mouth. “The email. And now you think I’m tainted goods, and you wanna trade me in for a less broken model.”

I arch an eyebrow at her. “Is that really what you think I’m gonna say?”

She smiles weakly. “I don’t know. Probably. Most guys would run a mile…”

“The guys you’ve had dealings with are obviously disgusting pieces of shit, Silver. A guy like Jake would run. And I am nothing like Jake. You know that, don’t you?” If she doesn’t, it’s going to fucking gut me. We’ll never make it if she doesn’t know that.

“Of course I do. You couldn’t be more different from him if he tried. I guess I’m just…afraid. I don’t want you to think about me and see the ugliness that I wrote about in that email.”

“Silver, when I think about you, I see the girl who stripped in a cabin for me and drove me fucking insane. That’s all I’ve been seeing at the moment, period. You have no idea how fucking hot that was. It’ll be burned into my brain for the rest of fucking time, so you don’t need to worry about that.”

She smiles a little sadly, looking down into her coffee mug. “But?” she says. “It sounds like there’s a but in there somewhere.”

“No buts. That’s it. I think you’re sexy as fuck, and that’s never going to change.”

She looks at me, and the blue of her eyes is as crisp and clear as Lake Cushman. “And…you don’t think it was my fault? For going up there with Jake? You don’t think I lead them on?”

I suddenly feel like I’m burning up. Anger roils in my gut. “No. Fuck no. Don’t ever think that. If someone’s told you that, I will fucking destroy them.” She laughs softly, dismissing the comment. She has no idea how serious I am. “I spend a lot of time with a lot of dangerous people, Silver. I could have Jake buried up the side of a mountain in less than three hours, and they would never find the body. If you say you don't wanna use violence, that’s fine. I’ll respect that. But I’m never going to judge if you tell me you want him to hurt the way he hurt you. All you need to do is say the word and it’ll be done.”

She seems to shrink in on herself, her shoulders rounding in, gripping her coffee cup so tight her knuckles go white. She stares silently at the edge of the coffee table for a minute, and I let her think. I know her well enough to know that she’s going to reject that offer out of hand. I still want to let her know it’s a real option, though.

“What would you do?” she asks quietly.