The Rebel of Raleigh High (Raleigh Rebels #1)(77)

“Yeah, poor bastard. Don’t know what I’d do if I ever lost your mom. God, it doesn’t even bear thinking about.”

Normal, everyday statements like this have already begun to take on much deeper meanings for me, and I fucking hate it. I despise that I've been put in this position. My father has no idea how close he is…or was…to losing Mom. Not to a car crash, though. To a guy named Dan, her boss, who has sat at our dining table with his wife and eaten dinner with us more times that I can remember.

Does Dan’s wife know anything about the fact that her husband’s been fucking my mother? And what would Dad actually do if he did find out? A part of me thinks he’d leave her. Another part of me suspects that he’d stay, though, try and save their marriage, because that’s just the kind of guy he is, and that just breaks my fucking heart for him.

He'd be crushed. He'd be in pain, and yet he'd stay, for Max and for me, and for all the years he and Mom have shared together, but every time he looked at her, he'd see it all in his head, imagining every last little kiss and caress that was shared between them, and it would eat him alive.

“Sil? Earth to Silver? What’s wrong? You look like you’re about to burst into tears. My cooking really isn’t that bad.”

“Oh, I know. I—it’s just—it’s my sinuses, that’s all.” I scrub at my eyes with the backs of my hands, glad I caught myself in time before I actually started crying. “The onions probably aren’t helping. My head feels like it’s about to explode.”

“Joking aside, why don’t you go back up to bed, honey? I can bring this up to you when it’s ready. You probably should rest.”

I want to be able to stay here with him, listening to his dumb jibes and laughing at how absolutely lame he is in the best possible way, but I honestly can’t trust myself. I feel like I’m going to dissolve into a puddle of misery, and that would be really, really bad. “Thanks, Dad. You’re the best.”

I get up and head for the stairs. It’s stupid and feels a little too obvious, but I pause at the foot of the first step, glancing back at him over my shoulder. “Hey, Dad?”

“What’s up, kiddo?”

“I love you.”

His eyes round out, as big as silver dollars. “Shit, Silver. You really must be sick.”

I’m slipping into my bedroom when I hear him yell up the stairs after me. “But I love you, too, sweetheart!”





Mom and Max get back from the movies around five. I don't go down for dinner. I just…I can't force myself to convincingly sit there and pretend. I would fail. Snap at her or something, and Dad would lose his shit. No way would he be okay with me giving Mom attitude when, as far as he's concerned, she's grieving over the death of her best fucking friend.

If I’m being fair, she is grieving over her friend. She’s just also feeling guilty as fuck because she feels responsible for the accident that killed Gail, and she’s been revealed to be an adulterous monster at the same time. I can appreciate what a head fuck that must be at least.

She goes to bed ridiculously early, shutting herself away in their bedroom. At nine, I head downstairs and knock on Dad’s office door, knowing he’ll still be at his desk, working hard.

“Enter at your own peril,” he calls.

Inside his office, he rubs at his eyes, the light from his computer screen casting a blue glow over his face. “Feeling better, kiddo?” he asks.

“Mostly.”

“Well, if you want money, it had better be for something good. Beer. A handgun. A brick of coke.”

He’s joking, because he trusts me implicitly, and he knows I’d never have anything to do with illegal firearms or hard drugs. Shame cuts at me, a cold, unforgiving knife under my skin. I’m exactly the good girl he believes me to be now, but that hasn’t always been the case. Far from it. He’d have a heart attack if he had any idea the shit I used to get roped into with Kacey. “I don’t need money, Dad. My savings account is looking pretty healthy as a matter of fact. I wanted to ask for something else.”

He peers at me, sitting back in his chair. “Sounds ominous.”

“I want to go spend the night at Alex’s place.” I blush furiously as soon as the words are out. God, this was a bad idea. What the hell was I thinking, blurting it out like that? My father looks like he’s having trouble swallowing.

“I’m sorry? Alex? Your guitar student? The one with the motorcycle and all the prison ink?”

“It’s not priso—never mind. Yes, the guy who came here the other day. He and I…we’re together now.”

“Aaaand…” He shakes his head, puffing out his cheeks. “You tell me this on the back of a request to go and spend the night at his house?”

“Yes. I know. I’m insane.”

He laughs, but I can tell he’s uneasy. “How long have you been seeing him?”

“Not long. A few days.”

“God, Silver. Come on, what do you expect me to do here? You really think I’m going to agree t—”

“He lives at Salton Ash Park. By himself. In a trailer.”

“Jesus fucking—”

“He’s had a couple of run-ins with the law. But nothing bad. Nothing terrible.”