The Reading List(65)

‘Very funny. There are worse places to get lines from.’

‘Look, I’ve got five minutes now. If you want to talk, please be my guest,’ she said sweetly.

‘Oh, right, okay.’ She watched in surprise as his face went pink. He started scuffing his trainers uncomfortably. ‘I don’t know where to start,’ he laughed, a tremor lingering in his voice. The pink turned into bright red blotches that began to spread across his neck, crawl up to his chin and creep onto his face – he had none of that casual nonchalance of Mr Darcy after all. In that moment, she felt bad for putting him on the spot, exposing him. So, after letting him suffer for a few more minutes of silence, just because she could, she gave him a little help. ‘You at uni then?’

‘Yeah, Birmingham.’

‘Cool. What are you studying?’

‘Law.’

Aleisha turned to look at him. ‘That’s what I want to do.’

‘Really?’ His eyes brightened. ‘Think you’re up for it?’

She frowned at him. ‘Yeah, I’m serious.’

‘What are you doing with all these stories, then? You gotta read some real books,’ he pointed towards the rucksack at his feet. ‘Pick it up. Try it.’

She shook her head.

‘Go on.’

She shook her head again, but then made a lunge for it. ‘Fucking hell. You got a dead body in there?’

She leaned back into the bench, leaving the bag on the floor, when she spotted Aidan walking towards them. Zac followed her gaze.

‘Your brother?’

‘Yeah.’

‘You look alike.’

Zac started to get up, but before he could pick his bag up too, Aidan was right beside him.

‘Hey, Leish, this guy bothering you?’

‘No,’ she said more coolly than she felt. ‘He’s just a friend. Zac, meet my brother Aidan.’

‘Hey, mate,’ Zac put his hand out to Aidan. Aidan didn’t reciprocate.

‘Not heard of you before. You a mate from school?’

‘Just … around,’ Zac replied. He looked suddenly young, awkward again, like a rabbit in headlights.

‘I’m joking, man,’ Aidan cracked into a smile and Zac instantly released the breath he was holding captive.

‘Hey, that’s okay, I’m heading off now. Aleisha,’ he turned to her, ‘really nice to see you. Let’s not bump into each other next time, and just put a date in the diary. Here,’ he passed her a business card. ‘I can talk to you about being a lonely hermit, or even law, if you want to know what you’re letting yourself in for.’ He winked at her.

She took the card, rolling her eyes. Who their age had business cards?

Zac Lowe – Law Student/Freelance Graphic Design it said, his mobile phone number bold and bright in the centre of the card. Graphic design too, like her mum, she noted.

Aidan sat down beside her.

‘What took you so long?’ she asked.

‘Just picking up a prescription. Really long queue at the pharmacy.’

‘For Mum?’

‘No, no, just something for me. For my headaches. Let’s get food then, yeah? If you still want to. The picnic?’ he said, ruffling her hair.

Stepping through the doors of Tesco, they regretted it instantly. It was rammed. They rushed through the aisles to find their sandwich fillings of choice. Aleisha chose paté, because she loved it. Aidan got himself corned beef, because it reminded him of sandwiches that Dean used to make, though he’d never admit the association. They bought prawn cocktail for Leilah, hoping she hadn’t gone off it.

They wandered past Creams, the ice-cream parlour, on the way back. She peered in, wondering if anyone she knew was in there. It had once been a regular haunt for Aleisha, because it was one of the few indoor places under-18s could loiter for hours, stuffing their faces with sugar. But the black and purple chairs and tables were riddled with a new generation of teenagers wearing Adidas sliders and socks. Aleisha’s friends had grown up and grown out of it – they’d moved on to the next stage of their social lives: getting fake IDs and befriending bouncers to get into proper bars. She didn’t miss it. Did she?

An hour later, the sandwiches were made; some were cut into triangles, others into fingers. They sat on Leilah’s serving platter – white with a gold rim. Already they were getting stale. Aleisha prodded one with her finger, and felt the bread, dry, against her fingertip.

Aidan was sitting outside. Leilah was seated in a kitchen chair, looking out of the open back door into the garden. She was smiling, although Aleisha could see her face was pale. Her eyes dark and unseeing. The skin on her forehead dry. She was tired again.

Aidan laid an old picnic blanket down. ‘Mum,’ he called, smoothing out the wrinkles. ‘Come outside!’ He tried to sound upbeat, but Aleisha heard his voice shaking. He was nervous, he was shit scared. She hadn’t noticed it so clearly before.

Aleisha shot a look at Leilah – this was the moment of truth.

Leilah stayed stock still. Then, gradually, she began to shake her head. Slowly at first. One, two, three.

Then frantically. Onetwothreefourfivesix.

Her breathing became deeper, then shallow all of a sudden.

Her eyes closed. Her hands flew to her face. She hugged herself. Her fingers digging deep into her arms. Locking herself away.