The Reading List(34)
She was pleased for the protection the book gave her today, something to hide behind. But she still felt stupid, with Mia there glancing round every so often, despite the fact reading felt a smidge more natural to her now. She’d been drawn in at first by Mr de Winter, charming, attractive, as well as his new wife, nervous, so obviously in love. And Aleisha couldn’t shake that ominous feeling of the past coming back to haunt them, captured by the description of that grand, overgrown, overbearing and creepy house, Manderley, a secret festering between the newlyweds.
Aleisha had jumped out of her skin earlier. A line in the story mentioned a pile of books from the library. It had haunted her; it felt as though the author had suddenly turned her gaze outward, on Aleisha.
She didn’t yet know where this story might go, but she wanted to find out.
‘I’m just reading,’ she replied to Aidan.
‘I can see that, I’m just … pleased you’re so keen. Remember when Nan got you that Lemony Snicket book and you ended up using it as a stage for your Kinder egg toys?’
Aleisha rolled her eyes.
‘How’d it go with the old guy in the end? You’re still reading these for him?’
‘Not just for him,’ she replied. ‘Helps pass the time too, I guess.’
He pulled the book out of her hands to scrutinize the cover. ‘Rebecca? Careful you don’t scare the old guy to death with this one. You could get fired for that.’
‘Shhh!’ Aleisha hissed, looking over at Mia. ‘Give that back!’ She snatched the book from his hand.
‘Sorry, sorry, don’t want to ruin your street cred in front of all your friends,’ he waved his arms around dramatically at the library buzzing with imaginary people. Then Aidan’s eye caught the back of Mia’s head. ‘Mia?’ he mouthed, in an over-the-top, typical Aidan kind of way.
Aleisha nodded and pulled a face that only Aidan would understand to mean, ‘Yep. Fuck my actual life.’
‘Want me to hang out here to, you know, protect you? Why aren’t you mates any more, anyway?’
‘Shush! We’re all right. Plus you only want to stay ’cause you know she fancies you.’
‘Well, who can blame her?’ Aidan winked, and Aleisha got up from her chair to punch her brother on his shoulder. ‘Hey! That’s not how you treat everyone here, is it? No wonder you’re getting a rep as the world’s worst librarian. I’ll go then …’
‘Wait! Seeing as you’ve come all the way here …’ she shout-whispered. ‘I feel like this is the first time I’ve seen you in ages, we’ve been ships in the night. What you been up to?’
They both knew that managing Leilah’s spiral was taking over everything else at the moment; their mother’s need hanging unspoken between them.
‘Yeah, it’s okay, they’re thinking of promoting me to manager at the warehouse which would be good … finally.’
Aidan worked at a biscuit warehouse, which wasn’t quite the job of his dreams. He’d taken on the evening shift in his summer just after sixth form, intending to find something else, but after seven years he was still there. Aleisha knew he liked the stability, the familiarity … and probably the biscuits too.
‘That’s so great!’
‘But it would mean spending more time there and potentially giving up the job at Elliot’s.’ Elliot’s was the car mechanic’s Aidan had been working at for the past few months, covering the odd shift here and there. Aleisha saw it as another avoidance technique of his – trying to be practical, putting his own ambitions of setting up his own shop on hold. He’d spoken about doing an Open University business course before, but every time Leilah was unwell, he acted as though he’d never suggested anything of the sort, and threw himself into something else.
‘Would that be the end of the world?’
‘Leish, you know I like mechanics, like I think it could be a good career for me in the short term. Might give me some hands-on insight into running a business too. Elliot’s really nice, he said he’d let me help out on that side of things if I wanted.’
‘Right, but other than that, are you actually interested in it?’
‘I don’t know.’ He suddenly looked a little stony-faced.
‘What’s the money for a manager position at the warehouse?’
‘It’s more than I expected. It’s not loads. Not as much as you’re gonna get as a lawyer.’
Aleisha laughed, but it was tinged with sadness. Aleisha had always been allowed to dream, had always been pushed to do more. Aidan had never had that same opportunity. She’d decided on becoming a lawyer when she was thirteen, mainly because she loved to argue, and from that moment Aidan had never let her drop it, planning his own life to support hers.
She wished she could say to Aidan that he could be anything he wanted too, he could follow whatever dream he had, but he’d never take advice from his younger sister. Aidan didn’t take advice from anyone.
‘What’s your dream?’ she asked, unable to stop herself.
Aidan just let out a low, guttural laugh. ‘What are you, my career adviser?’
‘I’m your sister, and I don’t think I know what it is.’
‘That’s because I’m not like you, Leish. Some people don’t have dreams.’