The Paying Guests(96)

Lilian turned away. ‘Oh, it’s all so stupid! It’s all such a mess! I don’t even want Len! I wish he’d just – just die! I wish it more than ever!’

‘Then it’ll be easy,’ said Frances. ‘Won’t it? Look, here’s how easy it will be.’ And she reached for Lilian’s left hand, took hold of her wedding and engagement rings, and, gently but firmly, began to draw them from their finger. Lilian gave the slightest of automatic twitches as the rings started to move, but after that she made no resistance, instead looking on in unhappy fascination as they caught on her knuckle and then came free.

‘You see how simple it is?’ said Frances, when she had tucked the rings out of sight and was running her thumb over the smooth white band of flesh exposed by their removal. ‘Your hand in mine, with nothing in between. It’s the simplest thing in the world. Isn’t it?’

Lilian didn’t answer for a moment. Instead she sank back against the pillow, closing her eyes. And when she spoke, she spoke flatly, as if surrendering at last.

But what she said was: ‘It isn’t simple at all.’

Frances stared at her shut, tired face. ‘What do you mean?’

She opened her eyes. ‘Please don’t be angry with me, Frances.’

‘You’re – You’re choosing him?’

‘No, it isn’t that.’

‘What, then?’

She grew oddly guilty-looking. ‘I don’t know how to tell you. Something’s happened. It needn’t make a difference, if everything you’ve said is true. It just makes things harder, that’s all.’

‘But what are you talking about? What is it?’

‘Please don’t blame me. It wasn’t my fault. But, oh, Frances, I think – I’m almost sure – that I’ve started a baby.’





10





The words were so unlike any of the ones that Frances had been expecting to hear that for a moment she could hardly make sense of them. Outside, the day had darkened. She was aware of rain, in a sudden shower, producing a sound like rapid drumming on the flat lead scullery roof below her window. As the shower eased, and the drumming slowed, she put a hand across her eyes.

Lilian said, ‘I’m so sorry.’

‘How sure are you?’

‘I’m sure, Frances. It’s nearly a month over its time.’

‘You couldn’t simply be late?’

‘I’m never late. You know I’m not. And I feel… different.’

‘Different, how?’

‘I don’t know. Tired. Just different.’

Frances lowered her hand and gazed into Lilian’s face. She did look different, she realised. She had looked different ever since she had returned from her holiday; perhaps even since before that. She was changed, in some indefinable physical way…

‘Oh, God. I can’t believe it!’

‘I’m so sorry,’ said Lilian again.

‘When did it happen? How did it happen? I’ve always supposed that you and Leonard —’ She had never wanted to know the details. ‘I’ve always imagined that you have some way of – of —’

‘We do. We did. But there was a night – He forgot to be careful.’

‘Careful?’

‘You know what I mean. He always… comes out before he’s finished, and I finish him off. We’ve always done it like that, and it’s always worked, more or less. But this time he stayed inside me. He said it was an accident. I don’t know if it was or not. But I knew. I knew that night. That I had caught, I mean. That it had taken. I just knew.’

‘Why on earth didn’t you tell me?’

Lilian looked utterly miserable. ‘I wanted to be sure. I didn’t want to worry you for nothing. I’ve been hoping it would fix itself. It’s done that sometimes, in the past. And then, a part of me didn’t want to think about it at all… Are you angry with me?’

Frances covered her eyes again. ‘I’m not angry. I can’t think how I feel.’

‘I’ve been worried to death.’

‘I just wish I’d known.’

‘It doesn’t make you want to take back all those things you said?’

‘Take them back? Of course it doesn’t. But what’s the use of them now?’ She was working it out as she spoke. The disappointment of it was dreadful. ‘It’s no good our planning anything, is it? This keeps you stuck with him for ever.’

‘What? No, don’t say that.’

‘Well, doesn’t it?’

‘No!’ Lilian pushed herself up and caught hold of Frances’s arm. ‘It doesn’t change anything about you and me. Don’t think that. That’s not why I’m telling you. It just makes things more difficult for us.’

‘Difficult? That’s putting it mildly! You think we can manage, with a child? You think he’ll let us? He’ll have the law on his side. He’ll have everything on his side!’

‘But I don’t want to have Len’s baby. I don’t want any baby at all. If it won’t sort itself out, then – then I’ll sort it out myself.’

Again Frances was aware of the drumming of the raindrops. Drawing back from Lilian slightly, she said, in a hushed, shocked voice, ‘Get rid of it? Is that what you’re saying?’