The Passenger (The Passenger, #1)(20)

How about the scallops? The Coquilles St Jacques.

I dont know. All the shellfish are supposed to be polluted.

I’m having the lamb.

You’re having the lamb and I’m supposed to eat putrescent molluscs.

Well why dont you have the lamb as well.

Thank you.

You’re having the lamb?

Yes.

Excellent choice. Would you like some wine?

No, Darling. It’s kind of you to ask.

He folded shut the menu and placed it on top of the winelist.

It doesnt mean that you cant have a glass.

I know. I’m fine.

Do you have a new number?

Yes. Of a sort. Do you have a pencil?

No.

Let me see if I can get one.

It’s all right. I can remember it.

He gave her the number at the Seven Seas. 523-9793. She repeated it to herself.

It’s just the bar number, he said. But I’ll get the message.

All right. I’m going to call you.

All right.

She leaned and tapped the ash from her cigarillo into the heavy glass ashtray. Do you remember the bicentennial minutes?

Those bits of history they aired during the bicentennial?

Yes. I heard a new one.

Okay.

Martha Washington and Betsy Ross are sitting in front of the fire sewing the first flag and they’re reminiscing about the old days and all the parties and dances and everything and Betsy says to Martha: Oh and do you remember the minuet? And Martha says Lord honey I cant hardly remember the ones I screwed.

Western smiled.

That’s it? she said. A little smile?

Sorry.

You’re not going to be dour are you?

Dew-er.

Dew-er?

The preferred, I believe. You dont mind me telling you?

No. Of course not. Dew-er. Actually I like that better.

Good. I’ll cheer up.

The waiter came and placed the silver. Another came with bread wrapped in a cloth napkin. When their waiter came back Western ordered for both of them. The waiter nodded and moved away. She took a long draw on the cigarillo and moved her head in a slow upward arc, exhaling. He couldnt even imagine what her life was like.

Do you think that it’s more de trop to eat a cute little lamb or something truly disgusting like a pig?

I dont know. What do you think?

I dont know. Why do they have to call it lamb? Why cant they have a name for it? Like veal. Or venison.

I dont know. Have you ever thought of becoming a vegetarian?

Many times. I’m too much of a sensualist. I’m a gourmand. Gourmette? Can we get some mineral water?

Of course.

He flagged the waiter. She took the halfburned stub from the holder and tapped it out in the ashtray and laid the holder on the tablecloth. I’ve decided against Mexico, she said. She looked up at him.

I think that’s smart.

I knew you would. I remember our conversation. It means waiting another year. At the least. That’s not nothing. A year is a year. I’ll be twenty-five. God it goes fast.

Yes it does. Are you scared?

No. I’m not scared. I’m terrified.

Understandable.

It gives you the willies, doesnt it?

I suppose. Yes.

I’m scared of everything. Every footing is frail.

It doesnt show.

Thank you. I work at it.

At not being afraid?

I think that’s too charitable. I work at not letting it show. It’s all a charade. But I dont know how else to go about it. Everything you see took work. A lot of work.

I believe you. Sorry. That was the wrong thing to say.

It’s okay. Some girls are happy just to do the hormone thing and keep their you-knows. But gender has meaning. I want to be a woman. I was always envious of girls. Just a little bitch. That’s pretty much gone. I know that to be female is an older thing even than to be human. I want to be as old as I can be. Atavistically feminine. When I was seven I fell out of a tree and broke my arm and I thought that since it was broken anyway maybe I could twist it around to where I could kiss my elbow because if you kissed your elbow you would change from a boy into a girl or vice versa and I suppose they saw me hauling on my broken arm and screaming and they strapped me down on the gurney because they thought I was hysterical. I really hope I do live to be old. I’ll finally be able to tell everyone to kiss my ass. Well, maybe not. I’d probably get a lot of takers. Or not. I’d be old. Just as long as I’m not poor. Did I tell you my sister came to see me? No, of course not. My sister came to see me. She was here for a week. School break. We had such a good time. She’s so great. She finally got to where she would walk around the apartment in just her panties. That just meant so much to me.

She turned her head and fanned her eyes with her napkin. Sorry. I just get very emotional where she’s concerned. I absolutely bawled when she left. She’s so pretty. And smart. I think she’s probably smarter than me.

How old is she?

Sixteen. I’m trying to get her to go to college. I told her I’d help her. God, I need money. Oh good. Water. I’m parched.

The waiter poured their glasses. She touched her glass to his. Thank you, Bobby. This is nice.

The waiter came with the plates. She ate slowly and with great attention to the food. You’re watching me eat, she said.

Yes.

It’s the only Zen thing I ever really got. Do the thing at hand. It’s good for the waistline too. I love to eat. It will be my ruin. It’s okay. You can watch. I dont even like to eat and talk at the same time.