The Paid Bridesmaid(88)
“You’re the one who is always telling me to never give up,” she reminded me. “Maybe you shouldn’t give up with him, either.”
All of this pain and heartache was happening because I couldn’t stick to my boundaries. “I shouldn’t have broken my rule.” Everything could have been avoided. Well, the reception might still have gone up in flames, but my heart wouldn’t be like a block of ice that had been dropped on the floor and shattered into a thousand pieces.
“Your rule is stupid,” Krista told me for the thousandth time. “Do you know how much socializing goes on at weddings? How everywhere you look it’s all love and romance? It’s a fantastic place to meet men. I totally made out with that Rick guy.”
My eyes went wide. “Dan’s cousin, who you said was going to get back together with his girlfriend?”
“He probably did. Rachel, it was just kissing and it was fun. Technically I didn’t break your rule,” she said.
“My rule isn’t supposed to have loopholes.” Although that hadn’t stopped me from throwing it out the window so that I could spend time with Camden. The pain pierced me again. I couldn’t think about him.
So instead I asked her, “Do you want to watch a movie with me?” I needed the distraction. If she left me alone with my thoughts, not only was I going to eat an entire large Waldy’s pizza by myself, but I would completely obsess over Camden. Reliving what had happened, thinking of all the ways I could have fixed it sooner but didn’t. How if I’d forgotten all about my stupid rule and taken a chance with him earlier, I could have asked Sadie for her help and things would have been fine.
I guessed now I would never know and I had only myself to blame.
Krista said yes, so we watched a romantic comedy that didn’t seem romantic or comedic to me, but it was better than sitting alone, overstuffed and super sad. Or thinking about how the last movie I’d watched had been with Camden.
My phone buzzed at me, but I reached over and turned it off without looking at it. Tonight I was going to forget about the rest of the world.
I would resume my workplace-drama, broken-heart, and existential-crisis issues in the morning.
CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO
The next morning when I woke up, I felt totally different. The throbbing pain and loss were still there, but I had messed up with Camden, too. I’d been afraid and let my fear of rejection and failure drive me away from him. I’d had all my excuses, but in the end they didn’t add up to a whole lot other than what I’d so stupidly given up.
I was going to call him. After I did what I could to straighten out the rest of my life.
My first stop was Gerald’s office. He’d received my messages over the weekend and was already hard at work on our defense if we were served. We talked about the possible repercussions, like what would happen if we had to go to court. Unfortunately at the moment we were in a holding position, waiting for the Vinnie-and Amber-type clients to file suits against us.
I told him about my fear that my business would fold, as we’d relied on discretion. I couldn’t see anyone wanting to hire us again. Gerald, ever the realist, agreed with me that it might be a possibility and said he’d work on next steps.
It was depressing news, but at least I had a game plan. As Krista had kept reminding me, I wasn’t in control. But if I made plans the best I could and kept moving forward, things would be okay.
On my way to the office, my mom called me. I felt a twinge of guilt that I hadn’t been returning her calls. Before I could even say hello or acknowledge her, she said, “You’re one of those internet means.”
“It’s meme, Mom.”
“Mememom?” she repeated.
“No, it’s just meme. I was—” I stepped off the curb to cross the street and decided that I didn’t have it in me to explain what I meant. I already felt emotionally spent and it was only ten o’clock in the morning. “Don’t worry about it. Some celebrity will get pregnant or go to rehab or reveal that they’re a secret cannibal and then people will forget all about me.”
“You’ve worked so hard to be successful and keep things secret and now it’s everywhere. People are making fun of you and that wedding. I’m upset for you.”
That made two of us, but I didn’t need her to get riled up in my defense. “I promise that everything is going to be okay.” It probably wasn’t something I should be promising, but she wasn’t the only one who needed to hear it.
“We just worry about you.”
“I know you do.” And I understood that her worry and wanting me to be the best were another way for her to say that she loved me.
“I hope you know that all Dad and I want is for you to be happy.”
Stopping in front of my favorite bakery, I smiled, even though she couldn’t see me. “I do know that, Mom. I’ll call you later.”
I ordered two dozen doughnuts and waited while they boxed them up for me. I found my mind drifting and I wondered what Camden was doing right then. He still had his company going public this week. He had to be really busy, especially considering all the phone calls he’d ignored while we’d been together. He might have a ton of fires to put out.
Had any of these videos blown back on their company? He had been very concerned about how investors perceived their reputation. I hoped none of this had affected them.