The Other Woman(97)

I nodded.

‘You didn’t ask,’ he said tightly. ‘Because you didn’t care.’

I thought back to the times he’d tried to talk to me, and every time I’d shut him down. I felt a wave of nauseous guilt wash over me.

Every time I looked over at Pammie, she was watching me. Every time I sensed her coming towards me, I invented a reason to move. I don’t know if I was more frightened to talk to her in case she told me she was really ill, or because of the very real possibility that she’d gone to such lengths to keep up the pretence. I didn’t know how to respond in either case.

James caught me just as I was heading towards the ladies’.

‘That was a lovely service, Em. I’ve not had a chance to thank you for asking Kate and I to be Poppy’s godparents.’

‘It wasn’t my choice,’ I replied without stopping.

‘How are things?’ he asked.

I turned to look at him, searching his eyes for recognition of what he’d done to me and why. But they were the same as they’d always been. Warm and kind.

‘Fine,’ I said tartly.

‘Are you okay?’ he asked. ‘After the wedding and everything?’

‘We’re working on it,’ I said abruptly.

‘What have I done to upset you?’

‘Your mother told me everything,’ I said. ‘I thought you were on my side. I naively believed that what we had was—’

‘It was,’ he said, cutting across me.

I gave a hollow laugh.

‘I am on your side . . .’ he said. ‘And I’ll always be, but you made your feelings quite clear, remember?’

I narrowed my eyes at him. ‘So, whilst I’m confiding in you, you’re running straight back to Pammie and telling her everything?’

‘What? No,’ he said sharply. ‘I never repeated anything that you said, apart from when you told me that nothing could come of us.’

‘So, she didn’t tell you to come on to me? You weren’t doing it under orders?’

‘What?’ he said, screwing his face up, as if he was unable to comprehend what I was saying. ‘No. What do you take me for? I’d never do that. I told her I had feelings for you, and how guilty I felt about it . . . I confided in her because she’s my mother.’

I rolled my eyes and shook my head.

‘You have to believe me,’ he said.

‘Hey, little brother,’ called out Adam as he sidled up to him. ‘What’s she got to believe?’

James’s face coloured. ‘Nothing. It was nothing.’

‘No, come on, I’m all ears,’ went on Adam, his speech a little slurred. ‘Why is my lovely lady here calling you a liar?’

‘We were just joking around,’ offered James unconvincingly.

‘Nah, I’m not having that, fella,’ said Adam. Both James and I knew him well enough to know that he was getting bolshie, fuelled by alcohol and paranoia.

I put my hands on his chest and looked up at him, trying to engage him.

‘We’re just having a joke,’ I said. ‘James is trying to wind me up. And he’s doing a good job of it too.’ I gave him a playful slap on the arm.

I tried to guide Adam away, but he wouldn’t let it drop. ‘So, what didn’t you believe?’ he asked again.

I gave a big sigh. ‘For God’s sake, we were just fooling around. It was nothing.’

‘It didn’t look like nothing,’ he said petulantly.

I stopped him in his tracks and put my arms around his waist as he turned to face me. ‘I love you,’ I said, reaching up and kissing him on the lips. ‘Now go be with your mates. Enjoy yourself, and I’ll see you later.’

He kissed me back. ‘I love you too.’

As I walked back in, Pammie was at the doorway, practically ready to pounce. ‘Emily?’ she said, almost in surprise, even though she’d clearly been standing there waiting for me. I ignored her, but when she called out a second time, loud enough for others to hear, I had to acknowledge her for fear of causing a scene.

She stood in front of me, as if waiting, and I honestly didn’t know what to say. There was so much rage bubbling up within me, but as I looked at her, really looked at her, the anger gave way to confusion. The whites of her eyes were yellowed and her swollen skin, smooth and shiny, was pulled tight over her cheekbones. There was nothing I wouldn’t put past her, but this?

‘Pamela,’ was all I could muster.

‘Please don’t call me that,’ she said quietly. ‘You know I don’t much care for it.’

‘Look, if you’re going to start, I’m really not—’

‘I’m not. There’s just something I need to say to you.’

‘Whatever it is, I’m not remotely interested. There is nothing that you can say or do that will surprise me anymore. You are here because you have to be, as Adam’s mother, but don’t for a second think that there’s anything more to it than that. You can see Poppy whenever Adam sees fit to bring her down, but honestly, that’s where you and I end.’

She ran a hand over her hairless scalp and offered a small smile. ‘I’m sorry,’ she said. ‘Truly sorry.’

I don’t know what I was expecting her to say, but ‘sorry’ wasn’t on the list, especially given that there was no one else in earshot. She looked down, as if ashamed, but I’d seen that a thousand times before. She’d used it whenever she was backed into a corner and was on the verge of being found out. I’d been hoodwinked into falling for the Little Miss Naive act myself, but that was a long time ago. She was never going to fool me again.